Divorce Dilemma: Should Wife Split Bills After Split? | Reddit Confession
A husband seeks advice on whether he's wrong for expecting his wife to pay half the bills post-divorce, sparking a heated debate on Reddit.
A 27-year-old man just tried to map out a divorce like it was a roommate lease, and his wife did not take it well. In his Reddit confession, he says the split is on the table, but the money part is where the fight starts, especially with four kids in the mix.
He and his wife have been together for 11 years, married for almost 8, and they share three non-verbal autistic children plus a newborn. He brings home about $4,200 a month, she makes around $2,700, and he currently pays most of the bills because, in his words, marriage has a provider expectation.
But when he imagined them living separately as roommates, he wanted her to cover half the bills and half the kids, and now he wants to know if he’s the a*****e for it.
Original Post
New account, sorry! I'll try to make this one quick. I (27M) and my wife (27F) have been together for 11 years, married for almost 8. We have 4 kids: three non-verbal autistic children and a newborn. She makes around $2,700 a month after tax, while I bring home around $4,200 a month. It's been rocky recently, and the idea of divorcing is a strong possibility at this point. When we talked recently about what that would look like, I said if we were fully not together and lived as roommates—because housing is too expensive—she would need to pay half the bills. I pay a majority now because we are married and I am the provider, but as roommates, she wouldn't get the perks of being a wife if she's not a wife. Her response is that I'm being petty or manipulative to try and make her stay, and I'm not. The way I see it, the only thing that would change if we divorce is that she wouldn't need to show me attention or intimacy and would be free to flirt and do as she pleases, but I'd still be expected to handle all husbandly duties. So, am I the a*****e if I ask her to pay half of the bills and for the kids if we're not together?The Financial Dynamics of Divorce
The financial implications of divorce can often lead to significant emotional stress. Understanding the financial responsibilities that come with separation is crucial for both partners to plan their futures effectively.
Comment from u/TopKick8011
Comment from u/MidwestMisfitMusings
When OP lays out the “roommate” plan, his wife hears it as a threat, not a logistics check, and calls him petty and manipulative.
Studies published in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage indicate that financial disputes can exacerbate tensions during divorce proceedings. When couples struggle to agree on financial arrangements, it can lead to prolonged conflicts and emotional distress.
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Expectations and Responsibilities Post-Divorce
Understanding financial responsibilities post-divorce is essential for both parties.
Negotiating these responsibilities openly can lead to better outcomes, contributing to emotional healing post-separation.
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Comment from u/FrontTour1583
The argument gets sharper when he says she would lose “wife perks” but still keep “husband duties” on his side, even if they are no longer together.
Consulting with a financial advisor or mediator can provide valuable insights into managing post-divorce finances.
Also, it’s like the coworker caught stealing lunch daily, and the fight it caused.
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Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
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With three non-verbal autistic kids and a newborn, the cost and care schedules are not something you can just “split later,” and OP knows it.
After he asks whether she should pay half the bills and kids if they separate, the whole situation turns into a courtroom-style fight over fairness and attention.
The financial intricacies that arise during a divorce, particularly in a family with significant challenges, cannot be overlooked.
Nobody wants to be treated like a spouse on paper and a roommate in practice.
Before you decide what your ex owes, check out a family using your inheritance for luxury after you said no.
