Man's Inability To Be Sober Drives His Wife And Kids Away, Gets Upset After Family Finds Out The Reason For The Divorce

If you know anyone who's a drunk, you'd want that person to change and sober up. In essence, being sober is the opposite of being intoxicated.

You either haven't begun drinking yet, have given yourself enough time to sober up after your last drink, or choose not to drink at all. Deep down, leading a sober lifestyle can also mean making the decision to give up alcohol entirely over time.

That can be due to problems with substance misuse or a simple desire to lead a healthy life. OP's husband never got completely sober as he always went back to drinking, and it was draining the OP.

During the OP's university days, she was assigned a flatmate, and they really enjoyed cooking and baking together. In fact, they became best friends, and she actually introduced the OP to her brother John.

They dated, eventually married, and now have two kids.

"John is very intelligent and a bit competitive by nature, so he naturally went into an intense career field. Unfortunately, he turned to alcoholism to cope with his demanding job. He started seeing a therapist who helped him identify his triggers; he drank less and then quit therapy, thinking he was fixed. After a while, he started drinking more again," OP writes.

It got to a point where the whole situation led to a divorce, and the OP had to reveal why it happened, even though she promised John not to spill.

The story kicks off

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OP's husband started seeing a therapist who helped him identify his triggers

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"I loved him and still do, but I wasn’t willing to spend the rest of my life ruining my kids' childhood"

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Understanding Addiction and Its Impact

Addiction is often rooted in complex psychological factors, including trauma, emotional dysregulation, and learned behaviors.

Dr. Jessica Adams, an addiction specialist from UCLA, highlights that underlying issues often fuel addictive behaviors, making it difficult for individuals to maintain healthy relationships.

Research indicates that untreated addiction can lead to significant emotional distress for loved ones, often resulting in relational breakdowns.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

I did expose his secret to his sister in order to protect my friendship with her, which I had previously agreed to keep.

The Reddit post got hundreds of comments, and here are a bunch of them

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His reputation is trashed

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The OP did nothing wrong

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Emotional dysregulation frequently accompanies addiction, as individuals may struggle to manage intense feelings without resorting to substance use.

Studies published in the Journal of Substance Abuse reveal that families often bear the brunt of these struggles, leading to cycles of codependency and emotional turmoil.

He does not get to manipulate the OP

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He wanted the OP to lie to make him look good

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The OP reveals additional details in the comments section

He’s extra upset because the most recent weekend he went to Mary’s for dinner, and she gave him a sobriety check before letting him in. He feels like I made Mary treat him like a child when he’d always been her older brother. I was admittedly unsympathetic, but that made it even worse.

The OP shouldn't be expected to keep such a secret

u/Unlucky-Anybody-6522

The Role of Family Dynamics

Family dynamics can significantly impact how addiction manifests and is addressed within the family unit.

Experts suggest that family members often adopt roles that can perpetuate the cycle of addiction, such as the enabler or the scapegoat.

Research shows that understanding these roles can be critical in developing healthier family relationships and supporting recovery.

It's not the OP's job to enable the ex

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He wants a reputation that doesn't reflect reality

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He needs to go back to therapy

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One effective strategy is to engage in family therapy, where all members can voice their feelings and experiences in a safe environment.

According to research, families who participate in therapy together often experience better outcomes in recovery and relational health.

Incorporating communication skills training can also help family members express their needs more effectively.

OP's promise was no longer enforceable because her husband broke his promise to abstain. Many Redditors say the OP did the right thing since she wouldn't have notified his sister unless it was absolutely vital to maintain their relationship.

The most crucial realization is that nobody can make him stop drinking except himself, and he's not ready for that just yet. The OP was declared not the AH, and that's a wrap!

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the profound effects of addiction on family dynamics, highlighting the need for understanding and support.

It's essential for family members to recognize their roles in the dynamic to promote healing and recovery.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the psychological underpinnings of addiction is crucial for fostering healthier family dynamics.

Research emphasizes the importance of addressing both individual and relational factors to support recovery.

Ultimately, fostering open communication and seeking professional guidance can lead to more supportive family environments.