30+ Times Divorcees Revealed Exceptional And Shocking Things They Wished They Knew Before Getting Married

We all know that life is not a bed of roses, and neither is marriage. Every day, we see more and more people getting married, yet many are still getting divorced for various reasons. As Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher, notes, "Understanding the dynamics of your relationship before marriage can prevent many issues that lead to divorce." This raises the question: what could have gone wrong? Was this couple not in love before getting married? How did it escalate to the point of divorce? Couldn’t they have found a way to resolve their issues? While there are countless reasons for divorce, if a couple is unwilling to seek help or therapy, there’s little that can be done, especially if their minds are made up. This is why it’s crucial to think carefully before taking the leap into marriage. As Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a parenting and relationship expert, advises, "Marriage is a lifelong commitment; ensure you are fully aware of who you are choosing to spend your life with." Many divorced individuals have shared their insights on what they wish they had known before tying the knot, so keep scrolling and take notes on their valuable lessons.

1. What marriage is like...

"Marriage is like living with your parents all over again... Hear me out first! It's respectful to ask your partner if they mind you getting a pet, having friends over, throwing a party, spending the night at your friend's, spending money on a concert, or blowing money on a new Coach purse. Before you get married, be sure you are ready to ask for someone's blessing for everything, once again, before you commit to a life of marriage."

—39, Texas

20th Century Fox

2. Air all your dirty laundry

"Empty the closet before you tie the knot. Air ALL your dirty laundry. Don't let her find out you cheated after you take your vows. It tells her you didn't care enough to tell her the truth, even if you know it was a mistake. It will be in the back of her mind the rest of the time you are together for however long that may be. It also takes away her chance to get out before it's too late."

—45, Michigan 

Fox

3. Can I live with this the rest of my life?

"Don’t get married for who you are now. Get married to someone you can see yourself growing with — for the good and the ugly. Observe every dynamic and think, Can I live with this the rest of my life? Consider family, finances, friends, and even the smallest things you think you can live with now," advises Dr. Alexandra Solomon, relationship therapist.

— Dr. Alexandra Solomon

CBS

4. Commitment

"Marriage is a legal contract that encompasses various rights and responsibilities, including financial obligations, child custody, and healthcare decisions. It’s essential to recognize that the legal aspects of marriage are often distinct from the emotional and cultural significance we attach to it."

— Dr. Laura Berman, sex therapist

NBC

5. Red flags

"When you marry someone, you are also marrying into their family. It's crucial to pay attention to the family dynamics and cultural influences that may affect your relationship. If your partner consistently prioritizes their family over your union, that's a significant red flag," says Dr. Alexandra Solomon, relationship therapist and author of "Loving Bravely."

—Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Syndicated

6. Financial Abuse

"I wish I would have known that financial abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. Many individuals hide their financial habits, leading to devastating consequences for their partners. Understanding financial dynamics in a relationship is crucial," says Farnoosh Torabi, financial expert and author of "You're So Money." "It's important to have open discussions about money before tying the knot to avoid painful surprises later."

—Farnoosh Torabi

TV Land

7. Be Independent

"The relationship you have right now — before the big day, the dress, flowers, music, and the right venue — is the exact relationship you will have after the big day. If the relationship has issues, isn’t working, or has any number of red flags, WALK AWAY NOW!!! Love does not heal or solve problems. Find that one person who looks at you at your worst and still thinks they won the lottery. That is a person who will always be there and have your back. If you are with someone and are hoping that when (insert anything) happens they will change, yeah, that never happens. Love yourself first. Make yourself happy and be an independent individual."

—63, Oregon

Lifetime

8. You can't fix people

"It's crucial to avoid the sunk cost fallacy, which can trap you into staying in a relationship simply because of the time you've invested. Remember, you cannot change or fix another person. Don't feel pressured to get engaged, married, or have children just because it's the next step after dating for a while," advises Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis, a renowned marriage therapist and author of "Divorce Busting."

—Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis

Fox

9. The Family Dynamics

"I wish I had observed his family dynamics for much longer; more knowledge in that area would have probably resulted in me NOT marrying him. For me, the issues were excessive drinking, disrespect, and refusal to assist in the financial support of our household. These issues were expected and accepted in his family. Had I known them better, I would have seen the pattern and made a hasty exit."

—81, New Hampshire

Fox

10. Don't do this

"Don’t ever get married just because you have a child together. That should never be the sole reason. Your children don’t care if mom and dad are married. They care if they’re happy."

— Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis, marriage therapist

"Entering marriage solely due to the presence of children can create a facade of stability that ultimately harms everyone involved. Children are incredibly perceptive and can sense when their parents are unhappy. Prioritizing a genuine, loving relationship is far more beneficial for their well-being than merely adhering to traditional family structures."

— Dr. Ian Kerner, sex therapist

Netflix

11. A prenup

"It's wise to consider a prenup, regardless of your financial situation. Emotions can complicate divorce proceedings, especially in cases of infidelity. A prenup serves as a clear agreement that can guide the process and minimize conflict, ultimately saving both parties time and money. While it may require an upfront investment, it can prevent costly legal fees down the line," says Dr. Laura Berman, a renowned sex therapist and relationship expert.

— Dr. Laura Berman

Comedy Central

22. Listen

"A friend of mine recently went through a divorce and he wished that he didn't listen to everyone telling him that he should have been married by a certain time; it really put pressure on getting it done and over with that much faster. As relationship expert Dr. Laura Berman states, 'The pressure to conform to societal timelines can lead individuals to make hasty decisions that they may later regret.' My friend felt overwhelmed by the expectations from his mother, his ex-wife's mother, and friends, all emphasizing his age (he was 32 at the time). He now realizes that he should have trusted his instincts instead of succumbing to those external pressures."

— Dr. Laura Berman

VH1

13. Prioritization

"In relationships, financial priorities can often overshadow emotional needs. As Dr. John Gray, relationship author and expert, states, 'When couples focus too much on financial stability, they may neglect the emotional connection that is essential for a healthy marriage.' It's crucial to balance financial discussions with nurturing the relationship itself."

—Dr. John Gray

NBC

14. Wedding is just a party

"Going in, I wish I'd realized the wedding is just a party. I overemphasized the wedding to the point where we spent all sorts of money, then once it was over, there was sort of a feeling of 'now what?' It's the marriage that's important, not the wedding."

—48, Canada

NBC

15. Take your time

"It wasn't as much a lesson about marriage as much as it was a lesson about knowing myself — which is very, very important. I was married twice and each time I made the same mistake. I married too quickly. In each case, had I known the person six months longer, I wouldn't have gotten married because neither was suitable for me and, honestly, I tired of them quickly. I have learned that I am the type of person who needs to take my time to think things through. I simply don't process things quickly; I'm thorough but not quick. Unfortunately, I was pushed constantly while I was growing up, always being told I was too slow. That resulted in a lifetime of making bad decisions because I don't take my time."

—74, Ohio

NBC

16. Love doesn't change people

"Red flags before your marriage are real and worsen after marriage. People describe themselves as they really are so someone who is a bad person, bad friend, bad employee, bad sibling, bad adult toward their parents in any way (selfish, mean, judgmental, controlling, messy, sexist, racist, inflexible, rude, dishonest, entitled, needy, drinker, or angry) will be all of those traits as a spouse who believes they have right to aim it at YOU."

—50, California

"If your gut had reservations about getting married even if it was at the last minute, listen because it’s a warning that you probably were ignoring all along. Love doesn’t change people; that’s a fairy tale. If he was childish and irresponsible before marriage, a spouse and kids will suffer from his shortcomings."

—Anonymous, North Carolina

NBC

17. Who are you?

"Know who you are first. Especially if you get married really young, you don't know who you are or who you will be. Some couples are able to grow together but in my case, after 13 years of marriage, my ex did not like the best version of myself that I was growing into."

—38, Ohio

TV Land

18. Find out things

"Finding out a partner's trauma and what reminds them of it before having your own child and butting heads due to ‘unforeseen issues.’ Mealtime was a big issue for my spouse and as my kids got older, he didn't talk to them! He would speak to our teenager but would never ask anything beyond 'how's your day?' and barely listened if they said anything more than 'fine.'"

—32, Chicago

Hulu

19. Have your own income

"Don't rely on your partner financially. Make sure you have an income and a nest egg because you never know what might happen. My ex-husband developed a really severe addiction just after my son was born. He had a decent job and we'd always agreed I would stay home with the kids until they were in school, but I ended up trapped in the house with no money for diapers, a husband with a raging drug problem, and no way out. I'm blessed with parents who helped me get on my feet and now I'm remarried, but my new husband and I keep mostly separate finances except for big purchases and shared expenses."

—48, Canada

"Do not get a joint bank account and have your own money saved in case you need to get the hell out. My delightful ex couldn’t hold down a job any longer than he lasted in bed. He leeched off me and almost drove us to bankruptcy. That tight, uneasy feeling you get and those whispers of doubt, LISTEN TO THEM. It’s your innate warning system and it’s never wrong."

—46, UK

Fox

20. Cheaters

"Getting married won't magically stop cheaters from cheating. They'll behave the same way; they'll just also own a wedding ring."

— Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis, marriage therapist

CBC

21. Mental health disorders

"Find out if your future spouse has mental health disorders. Understand their attitude toward medication, therapy, and other tools to manage their struggles. Not only will this complicate a relationship but also many mental health struggles are genetic and your children can be affected."

—46, Massachusetts 

Netflix

22. More giving

"It's more giving than taking. If you can't do this, don't get married. The newness fades away quickly. Make sure you discuss views on children, politics, family, and finances, and think about whether you agree or can willingly align yourself with your spouse's views."

—53, Florida

NBC

23. Common goals and interests

"You will change and grow tremendously between the years of 18 and 25: Wait to marry. The person you are at 18 will not be the person you are at 25 and so it goes for your spouse. And just as importantly, discuss the things you want from life. Your significant other may not want the same things and I don't care how much love exists at the moment. You will need common goals and interests to thrive in a marriage."

—57, Arkansas

Paramount Network

24. Get a lawyer and speak up

"Fight for what is yours. If your divorce is contested by your spouse, know that it will take a VERY long time to get what's yours (house, retirement, etc.). Make sure you have a plan on what you'll do if things get scary (where you'll go with your kids, etc.) and SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF! While a lawyer is expensive, make sure you have one on YOUR side."

—51, USA

VH1

25. Watch out

"The family friend, the innocent meddler. Watch out when their innuendos come true! Go with your gut and set boundaries early in life! It's always the innocent ones."

—57, New Jersey

Bounce TV

26. Identify the void

"Identify the void you're trying to fill and learn how to do so yourself. No one makes it to adulthood without some kind of trauma; though, most of us don't realize. I know I married too young and too quickly, because I needed stability and security. I had to wade through a lot of BS before I learned that was why I made some of the decisions I did and learned how to provide for myself."

—38, Georgia

Netflix

27. Nice one

"The quote 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them' sums it up best. Marriage doesn’t actually change anything about the relationship. If they don’t respect you, lie, cheat, and drain you emotionally and financially, making it permanent isn’t going to make it suddenly better. Pay attention to red flags and your friends' opinions. Fight for your relationship if you want, go to counseling, etc. But if the trust is gone, don’t be afraid to admit when it’s over. In the long run, it's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone."

—39, Canada

Channel 9

28. When to run

"If someone says they’re divorced when you start dating and then you find out several months in that they’re not actually divorced yet, RUN. It was the first in a long line of omissions that eventually ended the relationship."

 —47, USA

Nickelodeon

29. The treatments

"Look very closely at how your intended treats their mother. It will show you how you will be treated. And discuss at length who will do what, how will children affect your lives, who will handle money, etc. But most of all, think about the impact a divorce will have on your children and try your best to find a way to forgive and heal because even when you think you know, you don't."

—53, Georgia

CBC

30. Talk things out

"Make sure you talk about how you want your major future plans to go and how your S.O. feels about flexibility. Big things like having kids, moving, changing careers, religion, etc. You’d be surprised at how often people just assume their S.O. has the same plans."

—34, Florida

Comedy Central

31. Keep contact

"You absolutely need to maintain contact with the people who knew you before you got married. They are the ones who will tell you how you are doing if you lose yourself in a horrible situation and they will be the ones to help you if you decide to leave."

—58, USA

NBC

32. A team

"You’re a team, for better or worse. I joined the military thinking I’d spend 20 years in and retire. Being married at a young age, my spouse had other ideas. Moving around caused some animosity, which would eventually lead to our divorce."

—38, Arizona

NBC

33. Love is a choice

"Love, as much as it's a feeling, is also a choice. The part that is important about your choice is to make sure the person is willing to do the same back. That they choose to work with you and are willing. Marriage is work. Marriage is not a JOB."

—40, Florida

Red Table Talk / Facebook Watch

When two people decide to get into a lifetime commitment, which is marriage, they become one. So it’s important to choose right and make our marriages last.

Do you have any tips to add as well? Drop them below and remember to share so others can learn a thing or two as well.