Dog Owner Upset: AITA for Giving Stepfamily Fake Ashes of Dog?

AITAH for giving my stepmom and sister fake ashes of my dog? A heartfelt post about a beloved pet's passing and the family dynamics around sharing his remains.

Damjan

Published in Interesting
26 Dec 2025

Dog Owner Upset: AITA for Giving Stepfamily Fake Ashes of Dog?

When it comes to grieving the loss of a beloved pet, emotions can run high, especially when family dynamics come into play. In a recent Reddit thread, a user shared a heart-wrenching story about the passing of their dog, who had been a loyal companion for 13 years.

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After the dog passed away while staying with the user's father, a conflict arose when the user discovered that their stepmother and younger sister had attempted to bury the dog in the backyard without consulting them. This unexpected decision left the user feeling blindsided and determined to honor their pet's memory through cremation, a choice they had voiced before.

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The situation escalated when the stepmother sent a package requesting a "share" of the dog's ashes, prompting the user to consider giving them fake ashes in response. The thread has ignited a passionate debate, with commenters weighing in on whether the user is justified in their actions or if they should have approached the situation differently.

As the discussion unfolds, it raises crucial questions about grief, ownership, and the complexities of familial relationships in the face of loss. What do you think?

Is it reasonable for the user to refuse to share their dog’s ashes, or do family members have a right to a part of the pet’s memory? Join the conversation and share your thoughts!

Original Post

So some context… Last week, my dog of 13 years passed away in his sleep. Up until this past year, he has lived with me since he was a puppy.

He was staying with my dad for the time being because my apartment changed its pet policy and no longer allowed certain breeds and I could no longer keep him at my place. I had already renewed my lease for the following year so my dad offered to keep him until I could move somewhere else that allowed dogs again and I was so grateful.

When he passed, I immediately went to get him from my dad’s place. But when I arrived, my stepmom and little sister were already digging a hole in the backyard to bury him.

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I was blindsided and really upset. I’ve always known I wanted him cremated — I even talked about it before — because I wanted to keep his ashes with me.

And honestly, I didn’t want him buried in the backyard of a rental house that doesn’t even belong to anyone in our family. It took a serious argument to convince them to let me take him.

I even paid out of pocket for the cremation service because no one else offered to help or seemed supportive of that decision. This is where I might be the a*****e… Fast forward to yesterday: I got home from work to find a package on my doorstep from my stepmom.

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Inside were two miniature urns and a note asking for “their share” of my dog’s ashes — as if it was some group project. I was so pissed off, I took fireplace ashes from my boyfriend’s place, filled the urns, and planned to give those to them instead.

Now I’m feeling kind of guilty. But at the same time, I’m still really upset.

They tried to bury him without telling me, in a yard that isn’t even ours, and they made me fight just to do what I wanted for MY dog — and now they want part of him like it’s nothing. So… AITA for not wanting to share his ashes and for giving them fake ones instead?