Young Woman In Conflict Over Parents' Financial Support And Her Desire For A Traditional Future

A 22-year-old Redditor says she has always been aware of how fortunate she is to have parents who supported her financially throughout her education. After her parents divorced, her father continued covering most of her school costs, sparing her from student debt and even backing her decision to change majors.

According to the OP, one of the biggest draws of her current major was a paid internship opportunity in New Zealand after graduation. From the start, this internship became “the plan,” a well-known family expectation that she would graduate and then move abroad for work experience.

At the same time, the Redditor admits she has always envisioned a more traditional future for herself. She’s dreamed of marrying young, having a large family, and becoming a housewife—ideas her family often brushed off with laughter and reminders not to rush life.

Recently, however, her relationship has become more serious. Her boyfriend has talked about marriage and even mentioned proposing around the time she graduates, and while he supports the New Zealand internship, the OP finds herself happier imagining settling down sooner rather than later.

Tension came to a head during a family dinner when her mother proudly mentioned her upcoming move. When the Redditor casually suggested that nothing was set in stone, her mother became upset and questioned why she wouldn’t go.

Uncomfortable revealing her relationship plans, the OP said she simply didn’t want to map out her entire future. Her mother responded by insisting she “better go,” noting that her father was already saving money for the trip.

The conversation quickly escalated, going in circles until her mother abruptly left the restaurant. Now, the Redditor feels torn between gratitude for her father’s generosity and the belief that she shouldn’t be locked into a life path that no longer feels right.

In an edit, she added another complication: her family holds strong traditional values. She worries they may not approve of the internship—or financial support—if her boyfriend plans to go to New Zealand with her, leaving her even more conflicted about what she owes her family versus herself.

The OP stands at a crossroads that many young adults recognize: the tension between honoring a debt of gratitude and pursuing personal fulfillment.

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Here's the original post by Reddit user 'Old_Maybe_9511'.

I (22F) have been really lucky that my parents have supported me financially throughout my education. Since they divorced, my dad has been the one covering most of my school expenses. I’ve never had to worry about student debt, and he even supported me when I changed my major. I’m incredibly grateful for that.When I chose my current major, one of the things I was most excited about was the opportunity to do a paid internship in New Zealand after graduation. My whole family knew about it—it was kind of “the plan” from the beginning: graduate, then head to NZ for work experience.They also know that I’ve always dreamed of getting married young, having a big family, and becoming a housewife. Whenever I mentioned that, they’d just laugh and say things like, “Life will surprise you,” or “Don’t rush it.” Lately, things have gotten more serious with my boyfriend. We’ve started talking about marriage and building a life together. He’s even mentioned proposing when I graduate (in about a year and a half—I took a gap year and switched majors). He’s supportive of the internship and even suggested we move to NZ temporarily while I do it. But honestly, the idea of staying, moving in together, and starting our life right away makes me really happy. That’s the path that feels right to me.Last night, my mom took my sisters and me out to dinner. She was telling us how proud she is of us and mentioned how proud she is that I’m going away soon. I said something like, “Well, nothing’s set in stone—who knows if I’ll end up going.” She got really upset and asked what I meant by if, and why I wouldn’t go.I didn’t feel comfortable telling her about my relationship plans yet (since I know we’re still young and things can change), so I just said I didn’t want to plan out my entire life and wanted to go with the flow. She got even more upset and said, “Well, you’d better go, because your dad is already saving up for it.” I told her that if I end up not going, he can use the money for something else. We ended up going in circles until she left the restaurant.Now I’m conflicted. I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I’m aware my dad has done a lot for me, and I deeply appreciate it. But I also don’t think I should be forced into something just because it was expected of me, especially if my life is heading in a different direction. So, AITA?Edit: I want to thank you all for all the feedback and advice. However, I forgot to add that my family has a lot of traditional values, and I don’t know if they would let me go if my BF is going to NZ as well, or if they would help me pay for if if he’s going.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

lokiswan

YTA.

dzeltenmaize

"You have your whole life to potentially be a housewife."

Anon_819

"You sound like a bot programmed for entitlement."

MasterAnthropy

"Don't go to get married."

Dizzy_jones294

"Your father is supporting your education... so you can be a housewife?"

dcm510

NTA.

Philly-Transplant

"Go to New Zealand!"

No-Strawberry-5804

"Go to New Zealand, but leave the boyfriend!"

KiwiSilly1175

"I think you’re a bit spoilt and naïve actually."

km4098

"At least get experience first."

whatalife89

"Go get your internship."

Kalma246

"Your life, your decision."

NameyNameyNameyName

"Get an awesome life experience."

kiwipixi42

"YTA if you don’t go."

Alive_Trash_7684

The OP stands at a crossroads that many young adults recognize: the tension between honoring a debt of gratitude and pursuing personal fulfillment. But, in the end, the most important "plan" isn't the one her parents paid for—it’s the one she can live with.