Egocentric, Lazy Man Gets Mad At Son And Daughter-In-Law For Changing Rules He Made For His Kids While They Were Staying With Them

It's normal to have set rules in the family. There are rules every kid must abide by and obligations delegated to them that they have to carry out.

Every child ought to be assigned tasks they are capable of handling and not be overwhelmed to the extent that they can't focus on their education. OP's father-in-law happens to be one of those parents who shouldn't have been allowed to have kids in the first place.

OP's father-in-law is currently divorced from his children's mother. This was his second marriage, and he had three kids with her.

The way they divided care is that every two weeks, the children switch parents. OP's father-in-law demands a lot from the children without doing much himself.

Feeding and driving his kids to after-school activities is his own definition of care. He doesn't have a real job, so not only do they lack a stable income, but he is also a terrible example for the children.

He had an emergency and had to leave for a few weeks. The children's mother also had plans, so he asked OP and her husband to take care of the kids for two weeks.

OP had to change the rules for them while they were at her house, and things went smoothly. When the kids returned, OP's husband received a call from the father-in-law accusing them of turning his kids against him.

The OP Kicks Off Her Story

Reddit/lady_milverton

He Asked OP and Her Husband to Take Care of the Kids

Reddit/lady_milverton

Understanding Entitlement and Expectations

Dr. Anna Mitchell, a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia, explains that feelings of entitlement often stem from deeply rooted beliefs about fairness and expectations in familial relationships.

Her research indicates that when individuals perceive their expectations as unmet, it can lead to resentment and conflict within family dynamics.

This is particularly relevant in situations where roles and responsibilities are not clearly defined.

They Will Walk the Dog Together, Unless Someone Is Busy

Reddit/lady_milverton

OP's FIL Is Going to Have a Hard Time with Them Now

Reddit/lady_milverton

OP Has Offered the Following Explanation for Why They Think They Might Be the A-Hole:

I knowingly changed house rules that my FIL imposed to parent his children because I decided that the rules were unfair and were setting them up to fail with the sheer amount of duties, preventing them from focusing on their education.That might make me the asshole because it challenged the rules in the eyes of the kids, which puts a strain on their relationship with their father. According to the father, it was also plain disrespectful to him. Some family members are taking his side, saying that one should never get between children and parents in those matters.

And the Comments Roll In...

Reddit/lady_milverton

Taking the Context Out of Proportion

Reddit/lady_milverton

Psychological studies suggest that clear communication and established boundaries are crucial for preventing entitlement-related conflicts.

When family members openly discuss their roles and expectations, it helps create a sense of shared responsibility.

Such dialogues can foster greater understanding and reduce feelings of resentment.

They Can Be the New Babysitters

Reddit/lady_milverton

It Shouldn't Be Impacting FIL at All

Reddit/lady_milverton

Navigating Power Dynamics in Family Relationships

Power dynamics often play a significant role in familial conflicts, particularly when it comes to decision-making.

Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology indicates that recognizing and addressing power imbalances can lead to healthier interactions.

Families should strive to create an environment where everyone's voice is valued and considered.

You Don't Judge How We Get to Do Things

Reddit/lady_milverton

The Kids Having Respect for Each Other

Reddit/lady_milverton

It's important to approach family discussions with empathy and a willingness to understand differing perspectives.

When family members feel heard and respected, it lays the groundwork for collaborative problem-solving.

Establishing a culture of open communication can significantly enhance family relationships and reduce conflict.

FIL Seems to Want Free Maids

Reddit/lady_milverton

Why Place So Many Chores on Children?

Reddit/lady_milverton

You do your best to oblige someone who asks for a favor, and since OP is in charge of those children, she makes the final decision. If OP disagrees with his rules, her only options are to ask FIL never to request their help again or to let her do what she knows is right.

In the end, OP was declared not the AH. Share this story with your loved ones to get their own opinions as well.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the complexities of entitlement in family dynamics, highlighting the need for clear communication and understanding.

It's essential for family members to engage in open discussions about their expectations to prevent misunderstandings and build stronger relationships.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the psychological dynamics of entitlement and power within family relationships is crucial for fostering healthy interactions.

Through open communication and collaboration, families can navigate conflicts and build stronger connections.

Building Collaborative Solutions

Ultimately, resolving conflicts related to entitlement requires a commitment to collaboration and shared understanding.

Families should work together to establish guidelines that reflect everyone's needs and expectations.

This proactive approach not only prevents conflicts but also strengthens family bonds through mutual support and respect.