Ex-Boyfriend and Best Friend Invite Me to Wedding After Betrayal: How to Handle Insistent Requests?

Are you ready for a story that sounds like it's straight out of a soap opera? Imagine this: your boyfriend confesses he has feelings for your best friend, they admit to cheating, and then they want you to be part of their wedding party.

Sounds like a rollercoaster, right? Well, that's exactly what happened to a Reddit user who shared her dilemma on r/relationship_advice.

Three years ago, the OP's boyfriend, Josh, left her for her best friend, Ana, after cheating on her. Understandably hurt and betrayed, she cut them off completely and focused on rebuilding her life, landing a good job and moving to a new town.

Fast forward to the present day, and she receives an unexpected message from Ana asking her to be part of their wedding party. Talk about awkward!

Despite having moved on and even seeing someone new, the OP is left wondering why her ex and former best friend are so insistent on her attending their wedding. With calls and messages flooding in from friends and even Ana's parents, the situation is spiraling out of control.

The Reddit community is offering advice, from standing firm in her decision not to attend to questioning the motives behind the couple's persistence. The thread is buzzing with comments ranging from supporting the OP's decision to stay away from the drama to speculating on the couple's intentions.

Some are suggesting exposing the truth on social media, while others are simply baffled by the audacity of the ex-couple and their entourage. It's a real-life drama unfolding in the digital realm, and Redditors are here for it, offering their insights and opinions on how to navigate this sticky situation.

Original Post

Three years ago, Josh, my boyfriend of about 1.5 years, broke up with me because he had feelings for Ana, my best friend. We hung out a lot, and they said that they eventually developed feelings for one another.

They admitted that Josh had been cheating on me. They made a fool out of me.

They made me think that everything was okay when it was really not. If they had admitted it at that time, I would have tried to be understanding and support them, but they chose to lie.

So I cut them both off. I focused on school and found a job with a good income.

Josh and Ana tried to reach out to me at first, telling me that they still wanted to be friends, but I blocked them. Now, I am living in the town next to our hometown.

I got a wonderful job opportunity, so I moved, but I liked that I was still close enough to visit my parents and other relatives. About a month ago, I heard about their wedding from a mutual friend.

It didn't really bother me anymore, so I just went on with my life. A week ago, I received a message from Ana, telling me that she and Josh were getting married and that they would like me to be a part of the wedding party.

I replied, “Congratulations. No, thank you.” I had no feelings for Josh anymore, and I’m even seeing someone else, but I don’t want to celebrate the wedding of two people who betrayed me.

They were insistent. Josh also messaged me via a different number.

Some of my friends also tried to convince me to come to the wedding. I firmly said no.

Even my mom called me, asking if I was going, and when I said no, she sounded disappointed, but she didn’t push it. This is all just quite weird to me.

Why would you want your ex-girlfriend/ex-best friend, the girl you cheated on, to be part of your wedding party? The day before yesterday, Ana’s parents called me, telling me that they missed me and really hoped I could go to the wedding.

I firmly said that I would not be going. Her mom berated me, saying that I should let bygones be bygones and that I should be happy for her daughter.

I asked her if I cheated with Ana’s boyfriend and then invited her to the wedding, would she convince Ana to go? She had no answer to this, and I hung up.

This is quite getting out of hand because I’m receiving more than 20-30 calls and texts a day from their friends and family about this wedding. Any advice on how to handle this?

Also, any insights on why they want me to go to their wedding? I don’t think it’s normal that they are so insistent.

EDIT: Hi! Thank you so much for all the advice; I didn't think this would get so much attention.

I just want to clarify a few things that I read about in the comments, though I'm very sorry that I have not yet read all of them. First of all, my mom is NOT going to the wedding, but I THINK she wants to go; that's why she was asking me if I was going.

I'm going to talk to her after work. Ana messaged me from a different number.

I don't know how she got my number. Also, my hometown is a small town, and most of our friends did know that I was cheated on; that's why this seems so weird to me.

I did block the people who were very insistent (including the new numbers of Ana, Josh, and Ana's mom). Also, I keep blocking the people that text me about the wedding, but new numbers just keep popping up, which makes it even weirder that people are actually making an effort to get new numbers just so I would attend an ex's wedding. I'm going to talk to a close friend who still lives in my hometown.

She hates Ana for what she did to me, and she may know what's going on. That's all for now.

Thank you so much for all the advice in the comments and messages!

Understanding the Emotional Dynamics

Dr. Emily Carr, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, notes that being invited to a wedding by an ex and a friend can evoke complex emotions, including feelings of betrayal, confusion, and even guilt.

Her research highlights that invitations like these can trigger unresolved feelings related to attachment and loyalty, making it essential to navigate these emotions carefully.

Understanding the underlying motivations of both the ex-boyfriend and the best friend is crucial; they may seek reconciliation or validation, which can complicate the individual's response.

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Comment from u/Chrisv6296

Comment from u/Plus_Data_1099

They want you at the wedding to help relieve their own guilt; they think it will make people believe all is forgiven and forgotten when, in reality, no one will ever trust these two people with their partners or friends. Let them rot, and if people go on and on, cut contact with them too.

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Comment from u/caclexis

Psychological research suggests that social pressures can lead individuals to feel obligated to participate in events that may not align with their emotional well-being.

According to studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people often experience cognitive dissonance when their actions conflict with their beliefs or feelings.

This dissonance can lead to stress and anxiety, especially in emotionally charged situations like weddings, where the expectations of others may weigh heavily on personal feelings.

Comment from u/SubstantialMaize6747

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates a common psychological conflict where individuals feel torn between past relationships and current emotional health.

It's essential to recognize that prioritizing one's own feelings is not selfish but rather a necessary step towards emotional clarity and growth.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, navigating these conflicting feelings requires self-reflection and assertive communication.

Dr. Carr emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing one's emotional health, suggesting that 'it's okay to decline an invitation if it compromises your well-being.'

Comment from u/Enough-Pack7468

Proud of you for having self-respect and keeping these toxic people out of your life!

Comment from u/Plus_Stuff_vin

Stay away from them. Don’t even wonder why they are so weirdly obsessing over you being part of their wedding! Tell them to MOVE ON. Straight up tell them to stop bothering you. Tell them that they are entering harassment territory, and you will not hesitate to exercise your rights if they don’t stop. Yikes.

Comment from u/Agile-Wait-7571

This is like small-town s**t? I’m mystified by this.

Comment from u/Samwry

I'm actually astonished. Are people really this morally ambivalent? The couple themselves are amazingly selfish and sound rather insecure to invite the victim of their sordid behavior to their wedding. But why would others feel the need to chime in? You are correct in telling them, "No, I won't be attending." For those who insist, I can only hope that they do not know the real story about how the two got together. Perhaps they are not aware of the details. In that case, fill them in! Just say, "Well, since they both cheated on me, lied to me, and snuck around behind my back, I am sure you can understand why I am reluctant to attend."

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.