Redditor Calls Out Mom For Gaslighting Them And Their Siblings Into Thinking They're Lazy, Says She's Just Finding Excuses To Slack Off

OP thought he was finally getting a fair start, then his mom blew up and turned chore time into a full-on accusation spree. The siblings were ready to clean, but somehow the “new responsibility” landed on OP like a punishment, not a plan.

Here’s the messy part: OP and his sister handle chores downstairs and on their main-floor route, while the upstairs is basically untouched by them. Their laundry, most of the house cleanup, and even dinner for themselves are already part of the routine. Then their mom demands the entire house, including the upstairs, and piles the biggest portion onto OP, even though the dog hair and upper-floor mess are supposedly her boyfriend’s problem zone.

And when OP pushes back, his mom flips it into, “You’re just lazy,” which is how this household turned into a blame game.

Here's the sitch:

Reddit

OP and his sibling have chores they do all over the house, except the upstairs. Additionally, since OP’s room is in the basement and his sister’s room is on the main floor, they do their laundry, clean most of the house, and primarily make dinner for themselves.

Reddit

One day, when the siblings decided to start doing their chores, their mom yelled at them and told them that they were to clean the entire house, including the upstairs, and gave the bulk of the chores to OP. He questioned this since he and his sister never went up there—all the mess should have been created by their mom and her boyfriend.

Reddit

The Redditor's experience of feeling gaslighted by their mother illustrates a significant issue in family dynamics that can have long-lasting psychological effects. Research from the Journal of Abnormal Psychology defines gaslighting as a form of psychological manipulation that erodes an individual's perception of reality, leading to confusion, self-doubt, and emotional distress.

This behavior can create a toxic environment where the victim struggles to trust their own experiences and feelings, ultimately affecting their mental health and relationships with others.

The experience of feeling gaslighted by a parent can have profound psychological implications for individuals. This form of emotional manipulation undermines a person's perception of reality, leading to significant challenges in self-esteem and interpersonal relationships.

In this case, the Redditor's feelings of being labeled as lazy reflect a broader pattern of emotional invalidation that can emerge from gaslighting experiences.

Apparently, according to their mom, there was dog hair all over the stairs and on the upper floor—basically a mess. Their mom has work, and OP has school, both about 8 hours, but OP does most of the cleaning, including making his own dinner. He tells his mom that it is unfair how the siblings are expected to do everything and that she “just wants an excuse to be lazy.”

Reddit

Their mom comes into the bathroom lashing out at OP and teaches him how to clean because he was “doing it wrong.” All that, and she badmouths OP to his face—OP is so over it.

Reddit

A parent should lead by example—this mom doesn’t seem to know that—she and her boyfriend should do more. “Children aren’t indentured servants.”

Reddit

That’s when OP realized his mom was rewriting the upstairs mess like OP and his sister were the ones causing it.

From a developmental perspective, experiencing gaslighting during formative years can severely impact self-esteem and identity development.

Furthermore, the long-term effects of gaslighting can lead to complex trauma.

The boyfriend is actually a great guy, according to OP, but they didn’t mention if the guy was actually helping out with anything. He treats them well, that’s all.

Reddit

If OP told the boyfriend about the dilemma, he’d side with OP and talk to the mom. The downside is that she’d be angry at them both.

Reddit

He—the boyfriend—is grown up and should be able to argue with the mom about it. Someone needs to step in, and maybe he is that someone.

Reddit

OP even points out the schedule mismatch, with both working and school taking about 8 hours, while he ends up doing the heavy cleaning and making his own dinner.

Strategies for Coping with Gaslighting

To address the emotional impact of gaslighting, individuals can benefit from developing strong coping strategies and self-validation techniques.

This is similar to the AITA fight where someone asked their messy sister to move out over cleaning.

Recognizing Patterns of Manipulation

Identifying patterns of manipulation within family dynamics is essential for breaking the cycle of emotional abuse.

Chores are reasonable, but this is too much. OP calling out the mom about her being lazy is not at all being an asshole.

Reddit

This Redditor had a similar experience as OP. The solution is to find a job, start saving up for a car, then an apartment, and move out the second you turn 18—basically an escape plan.

Reddit

Short and concise. The amount of chores is just inordinate.

Reddit

Moreover, fostering open communication with family members about feelings and experiences can help create an environment conducive to healing. Engaging in therapeutic conversations can lead to greater mutual understanding and pave the way for healthier relationships.

Ultimately, addressing gaslighting requires both individual and collective efforts to restore a sense of reality and emotional safety.

Then the dog hair on the stairs becomes Exhibit A, even though OP and his sister barely go upstairs in the first place.

To foster healing, individuals may benefit from establishing boundaries with those who engage in gaslighting behavior.

You and your mom have about the same amount of outside obligations, but the ratio of your household chores is drastically skewed. There are not a lot of solutions since any wrong move can lead to punishment.

Reddit

No amount of name-calling or protesting can change OP’s mom. They just have to go along with whatever she says until they are out of the house.

Reddit

NTA, but his statement could’ve been packaged better—something like an honest but also empathetic conversation. Would this work?

Reddit

Seeking Support for Recovery

Finally, seeking support from trusted friends or mental health professionals is crucial for individuals recovering from gaslighting experiences.

If OP were to follow this advice, then he’d be punished for it. More yelling and no electronics for him.

Reddit

Let your mom know that you also have school, and doing all the cleaning in the house threatens your grades and your chances of getting into a good college.

Reddit

Maybe she needs help with how she’s been treating OP and his sister, and nobody realizes that.

Reddit

The mom should just tidy up herself. She should stop expecting her children to clean up after her.

Reddit

Why is this the kids’ responsibility? This mother treats her kids like “two house elves.”

Reddit

Maybe the mom was brought up the same way—children were expected to do all chores. If so, then maybe this is payback for what she experienced.

Reddit

It’s actually quite the opposite. Their mom’s mom—basically OP’s grandma—was rich, and they had maids to clean up after them.

Reddit

By the time OP tells his mom it’s unfair and she “just wants an excuse,” the whole thing turns into gaslighting with a chore chart.</p>

Being a good parent is not an easy task—it requires being responsible for their children’s well-being and setting a good example for them to follow. Assigning chores to your kids can be a responsible move, teaching them about duties, responsibilities, and independence.

However, both parents—kids and parents alike—should play their parts in the household, not just one or the other. There should be mutual respect and fairness between them.

Do you think OP was crossing the line when he called out their mom? Comment down and share this to see what others think!

The situation described in the article highlights the profound psychological impact of gaslighting within family dynamics.

The unfolding situation highlights the deeply damaging impact of gaslighting within family relationships.

Nobody wants to keep cleaning the house while being called lazy for it.

Wait, do you think OP should confront his sister after she slacks on family chores? Check out whether confronting a sibling for skipping chores is the right move.