Redditor Calls Out Mom For Gaslighting Them And Their Siblings Into Thinking They're Lazy, Says She's Just Finding Excuses To Slack Off

The purpose of having kids is to create a family, but it can be more than that. Some people want to pass on their genes, some want to experience love, and some just want to enjoy having a big family until the end of time.

However, not everyone thinks that way. Some people have children to receive financial support and to make them helpers around the house.

Chores are the responsibility of everyone in the house, including kids. They are given age-appropriate tasks, of course, to promote discipline, responsibility, and independence.

But these chores should be shared by everyone, not just the kids. Parents also have to do their part and not laze around just because their kids can handle all the chores at home.

Despite that, OP’s mom does not seem to bother. In fact, her two kids do most of the chores at home, and the upper floor of their house is the only place where the kids don’t clean since they aren’t allowed on that floor—seems like a fair enough reason, right?

If you think the story ends there, then you are mistaken. One day, the siblings were ordered by their yelling mother to clean the upstairs because it was a big mess.

Here's the sitch:

Reddit

OP and his sibling have chores they do all over the house, except the upstairs. Additionally, since OP’s room is in the basement and his sister’s room is on the main floor, they do their laundry, clean most of the house, and primarily make dinner for themselves.

Reddit

One day, when the siblings decided to start doing their chores, their mom yelled at them and told them that they were to clean the entire house, including the upstairs, and gave the bulk of the chores to OP. He questioned this since he and his sister never went up there—all the mess should have been created by their mom and her boyfriend.

Reddit

The Impact of Gaslighting on Family Dynamics

The Redditor's experience of feeling gaslighted by their mother illustrates a significant issue in family dynamics that can have long-lasting psychological effects. Research from the Journal of Abnormal Psychology defines gaslighting as a form of psychological manipulation that erodes an individual's perception of reality, leading to confusion, self-doubt, and emotional distress.

This behavior can create a toxic environment where the victim struggles to trust their own experiences and feelings, ultimately affecting their mental health and relationships with others.

The Impact of Gaslighting on Relationships

The experience of feeling gaslighted by a parent can have profound psychological implications for individuals. Research by Dr. Judith Herman, a renowned expert on trauma, highlights that gaslighting can create deep-seated feelings of self-doubt and confusion. This form of emotional manipulation undermines a person's perception of reality, leading to significant challenges in self-esteem and interpersonal relationships.

In this case, the Redditor's feelings of being labeled as lazy reflect a broader pattern of emotional invalidation that can emerge from gaslighting experiences.

Apparently, according to their mom, there was dog hair all over the stairs and on the upper floor—basically a mess. Their mom has work, and OP has school, both about 8 hours, but OP does most of the cleaning, including making his own dinner. He tells his mom that it is unfair how the siblings are expected to do everything and that she “just wants an excuse to be lazy.”

Reddit

Their mom comes into the bathroom lashing out at OP and teaches him how to clean because he was “doing it wrong.” All that, and she badmouths OP to his face—OP is so over it.

Reddit

A parent should lead by example—this mom doesn’t seem to know that—she and her boyfriend should do more. “Children aren’t indentured servants.”

Reddit

From a developmental perspective, experiencing gaslighting during formative years can severely impact self-esteem and identity development. A study in the Journal of Family Issues emphasizes that children who grow up in environments where their perceptions are invalidated often face difficulties in forming healthy relationships later in life. This situation may reflect a cycle of emotional abuse that can perpetuate feelings of inadequacy and confusion.

Understanding these dynamics is crucial for breaking the cycle and fostering healthier family interactions.

Furthermore, the long-term effects of gaslighting can lead to complex trauma, as outlined in studies from the American Psychological Association. Individuals who have experienced chronic emotional manipulation may struggle with trust issues and difficulties in forming healthy relationships. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for healing and recovery.

In addressing these concerns, therapy can provide a safe space for individuals to process their experiences and rebuild their sense of self.

The boyfriend is actually a great guy, according to OP, but they didn’t mention if the guy was actually helping out with anything. He treats them well, that’s all.

Reddit

If OP told the boyfriend about the dilemma, he’d side with OP and talk to the mom. The downside is that she’d be angry at them both.

Reddit

He—the boyfriend—is grown up and should be able to argue with the mom about it. Someone needs to step in, and maybe he is that someone.

Reddit

Strategies for Coping with Gaslighting

To address the emotional impact of gaslighting, individuals can benefit from developing strong coping strategies and self-validation techniques. Research in clinical psychology highlights that engaging in self-affirmation practices can bolster self-esteem and counteract the negative effects of gaslighting. For instance, maintaining a journal to document experiences and feelings can provide clarity and reinforce one's understanding of reality.

Seeking therapy can also be a valuable step in gaining support and establishing healthier boundaries within family dynamics.

Recognizing Patterns of Manipulation

Identifying patterns of manipulation within family dynamics is essential for breaking the cycle of emotional abuse. Research from Stanford University indicates that awareness of these patterns is the first step toward healing. Individuals who recognize gaslighting behaviors can better protect themselves from further emotional harm and begin to establish healthier boundaries.

In this case, the Redditor's confrontation with their mother serves as a crucial step in reclaiming their narrative and asserting their perspective.

Chores are reasonable, but this is too much. OP calling out the mom about her being lazy is not at all being an asshole.

Reddit

This Redditor had a similar experience as OP. The solution is to find a job, start saving up for a car, then an apartment, and move out the second you turn 18—basically an escape plan.

Reddit

Short and concise. The amount of chores is just inordinate.

Reddit

Moreover, fostering open communication with family members about feelings and experiences can help create an environment conducive to healing. Studies show that family therapy can be effective in addressing dysfunctional communication patterns and rebuilding trust. Engaging in therapeutic conversations can lead to greater mutual understanding and pave the way for healthier relationships.

Ultimately, addressing gaslighting requires both individual and collective efforts to restore a sense of reality and emotional safety.

To foster healing, individuals may benefit from establishing boundaries with those who engage in gaslighting behavior. According to Dr. Brené Brown's work on vulnerability and shame, setting limits can empower individuals to protect their emotional well-being. This can involve clear communication of personal needs and a commitment to self-care.

Engaging in therapeutic practices that enhance emotional regulation can also support recovery, allowing individuals to process their feelings in a constructive manner.

You and your mom have about the same amount of outside obligations, but the ratio of your household chores is drastically skewed. There are not a lot of solutions since any wrong move can lead to punishment.

Reddit

No amount of name-calling or protesting can change OP’s mom. They just have to go along with whatever she says until they are out of the house.

Reddit

NTA, but his statement could’ve been packaged better—something like an honest but also empathetic conversation. Would this work?

Reddit

Seeking Support for Recovery

Finally, seeking support from trusted friends or mental health professionals is crucial for individuals recovering from gaslighting experiences. Research shows that social support plays a vital role in emotional healing. Engaging with others who understand the challenges of gaslighting can provide validation and encouragement throughout the recovery process.

Support groups or therapy can offer essential tools for rebuilding self-esteem and fostering resilience.

If OP were to follow this advice, then he’d be punished for it. More yelling and no electronics for him.

Reddit

Let your mom know that you also have school, and doing all the cleaning in the house threatens your grades and your chances of getting into a good college.

Reddit

Maybe she needs help with how she’s been treating OP and his sister, and nobody realizes that.

Reddit

The mom should just tidy up herself. She should stop expecting her children to clean up after her.

Reddit

Why is this the kids’ responsibility? This mother treats her kids like “two house elves.”

Reddit

Maybe the mom was brought up the same way—children were expected to do all chores. If so, then maybe this is payback for what she experienced.

Reddit

It’s actually quite the opposite. Their mom’s mom—basically OP’s grandma—was rich, and they had maids to clean up after them.

Reddit

Being a good parent is not an easy task—it requires being responsible for their children’s well-being and setting a good example for them to follow. Assigning chores to your kids can be a responsible move, teaching them about duties, responsibilities, and independence.

However, both parents—kids and parents alike—should play their parts in the household, not just one or the other. There should be mutual respect and fairness between them.

Do you think OP was crossing the line when he called out their mom? Comment down and share this to see what others think!

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the deep psychological impact of gaslighting on individuals and their sense of self. It's important for those affected to recognize the manipulation and seek support.

Establishing boundaries and engaging in self-care can foster healing and help individuals reclaim their narratives.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, understanding the psychological impacts of gaslighting is crucial for healing and recovery. Recognizing patterns of manipulation and establishing healthy boundaries can empower individuals to reclaim their narratives and rebuild their self-worth.

As emphasized in various psychological studies, support and self-care are essential components of the recovery journey.

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, gaslighting within family dynamics can have profound psychological effects that require careful navigation. By developing coping strategies and fostering open communication, individuals can work towards healing and healthier family relationships.

Ultimately, recognizing and addressing these patterns is essential for fostering emotional well-being and trust.