Couple Backs Out As They Couldn't Afford Spending $10k For Family Member's Wedding, Seeks Advice On What To Do
"For us, it's a huge amount of money"
A couple backed out of a family wedding after the price tag landed at $10k for the whole trip, flights included. And when they said they couldn’t swing it, the reaction was not quiet disappointment. It was accusations, arguments, and a whole pile of people insisting you show up no matter what.
OP explained that this was not a quick weekend jaunt. It was travel back to their country, a minimum of 10 days to actually see family and friends, plus gifts that would be expected. Even if you cut the number in half, it was still a lot of money for them. But the family didn’t want to hear math, they wanted a yes.
So when the wedding plans turned into a fight about “liars” and missing details, the real question became whether OP’s budget was the problem, or the family’s assumptions.
The headline
Reddit/lucremiaThe story
Reddit/lucremiaOP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:
- The action would be me not wanting to pay $10k to attend a family wedding. 2) In some people's eyes, you attend a wedding no matter what, regardless of whether you have the money or not.
The comments from Redditors roll in...
Reddit/lucremia
OP offered the $10k breakdown, but the relatives still treated it like a lie the second the couple said they couldn’t afford it.
Financial Stress and Family Dynamics
Financial challenges can significantly impact family dynamics, often leading to conflicts and misunderstandings.
Ticket prices
Reddit/lucremia
Breaking the bank
Reddit/lucremia
Digging out options
Reddit/lucremia
The comments immediately zeroed in on the ticket price and accused the couple of “breaking the bank” instead of admitting it was a real strain.
Studies indicate that financial stress can affect decision-making processes, often leading to impulsive or defensive reactions.
It gets messy in the same way as asking a friend to split last-minute vacation costs after she backed out.
Sending a gift
Reddit/lucremia
The OP tries to explain more in an update
Since some people started calling me a liar and demanding I tell them where I live because I'm clearly lying about the flights, please read my post again. I said $10k for everything, which will include flights. I don't need to itemize this trip for people to believe me.The calculation is correct; no, it's not business class. And it's not a destination wedding. We'd be going back to our country, so we'd definitely need to stay at least 10 days, catch up with family and friends, and bring gifts too (which would be expected).Even if it were $5k, which it's not, it's still a lot of money for us. Please don't get hung up on the $10k just so you can call me a liar.
Setting a budget
Reddit/lucremia
Saving for a nice gift
Reddit/lucremia
OP tried to clarify it was flights plus at least 10 days of travel, gifts included, and that it still would have been expensive even at $5k.
Coping with Financial Pressure
Research in financial psychology emphasizes the importance of shared financial literacy, which can empower family members to make informed decisions.
Setting realistic expectations and involving all family members in discussions about expenditures can create a sense of ownership over financial decisions.
This collaborative approach can foster understanding and reduce feelings of resentment when financial constraints limit family activities.
Guilt tripping might set in
Reddit/lucremia
Other travel options
Reddit/lucremia
Having other targets
Reddit/lucremia
Then the guilt tripping ramped up, with people demanding where OP lives and arguing over every detail while the wedding date kept getting closer.
It can also be helpful to explore the emotional aspects of financial decision-making. Many families carry historical narratives about money, such as beliefs about scarcity or abundance, which can influence how they approach financial challenges.
Family therapy can provide a safe space to explore these narratives, helping members understand their individual and collective attitudes toward money.
By addressing these underlying beliefs, families can develop healthier financial habits and reduce tension around monetary issues.
Many Redditors couldn't bring themselves to believe that a flight, without housing and a gift, amounts to over $10k. Other Redditors said that if they had that kind of money, they surely wouldn't be spending it on a one-day event, as that kind of money could go toward a down payment for a house.
At the end of it all, the OP was declared not the AH.
The couple's decision to withdraw from attending a family member's wedding due to the $10,000 cost underscores the profound impact of financial strain on familial relationships. Such a hefty price tag for participation in a celebration reveals the often-overlooked financial pressures that can accompany weddings.
In this situation, fostering open dialogue about budgeting and expenses is essential. Families should consider creating a supportive environment where financial discussions are welcomed. This could lead to more understanding among relatives regarding the burdens that high wedding costs can impose, ultimately allowing for healthier relationships and less emotional distress tied to these financial decisions.
Nobody wins when a wedding turns into a budget trial.
Before you decide to skip the $10k wedding, read how one friend handled a pregnancy party budget fight in this AITA about declining a pregnancy announcement party.
