Exposing the Truth: Consequences of Pregnancy Secrecy in the Workplace

Are you ready to dive into a workplace drama that spans multiple years? Picture this: a corporate HR professional, generous maternity leave policies, and a pivotal project that could make or break a career.

The stage is set, and the plot thickens when a dedicated employee, M, drops a bombshell announcement - she's pregnant and will be on leave for a significant chunk of the project. As tensions rise and workloads increase to cover for M's absence, the company's top brass is left feeling blindsided by her pregnancy revelation post-team selection.

Cue the whispers of mistrust and the subsequent ostracization of M within the company. Fast forward to M switching jobs, only to find herself facing a similar chilly reception due to her past actions.

Enter our protagonist, the HR professional who spills the beans to M's new employer about her controversial history at the previous company. Was this move ethical or a step too far?

The dilemma lingers, stirring up mixed reactions among peers and online commentators. Should the HR professional have kept mum or was shedding light on M's past justified?

Reddit, it's time to weigh in - AITA for telling my ex-coworker's employer the reason behind her alienation? The stage is yours.

Original Post

This story actually takes place over multiple years. So here goes.

Also, English isn't my first language, so I apologise for my poor language skills in advance. A little background, I work in corporate HR.

My company has a very generous maternity leave policy. It gives you 26 paid weeks off plus gives you the option of taking a month or so more if you have extra sick or personal leaves left.

Or else you can take unpaid leave for the same time. So part of my responsibilities is to make recommendations for selecting employees for specific projects.

So a couple of years ago, there was a huge project that needed a team to be created for. Being part of a project like this would normally establish your career in this industry.

You could basically decide your own career path on the back of the reputation you get based on a project like this. It would be hectic and difficult, but worth it in the end.

We interviewed prospective people within the company and selected a core team that would take it up. Among this team was M, a recently married female who is generally thought to be a hard worker and quite knowledgeable.

Like with everyone else. We interviewed her for the spot and asked her if she wanted to be part of this project.

However, a month or so, M announces that she was pregnant and that she would be taking her maternity leave in a month's time. She would be completely unavailable for around 7 months or so and basically leave the team short-staffed for the major part of the project.

We had to quickly select a replacement, get them uptospeed, and have them take over. It meant more work for everyone, minor delays, etc.

What pissed off the top management was that M knew she was pregnant when she joined the team. She never mentioned it during the interview.

By not telling anyone in advance, everyone felt that she couldn't be trusted in the future. She basically became a pariah and no team lead wanted her in any critical projects.

Within a year, M realised she progress much in her career in this particular company and left for another job. Fast forward a little while and I was talking with the HR guy from the company M had joined and he asked me about her.

And I told him the truth. Both that she was a good worker and is dedicated, but that is not really honest or trustworthy.

I told him the story in detail. Now this has basically meant that M gets a similar treatment in the new company, she is considered a good employee and team player, but no-one wants to select her for any critical projects.

Some of my friends say that telling the HR guy about the incident makes an a$$. It has gotten me to feel a bit guilty and I wasn't sure what the right move should have been.

So reddit, what do you think? AITA?

P.S. please feel free to ask for more information if you need it, but no details of the industry or company.

For security and privacy reasons Edit 1. Just to be clear, M knew she was pregnant when she was being considered for the project.

She wanted to be in the project so didn't disclose it. Her team had to stretch themselves thin to make it up.

Our company as a general rule has no issues with women taking time off for pregnancy. Even beyond the policy mandated time.

The most I've come across is a woman getting 15 months off. She came back to work and faced no repercussions.

I should have mentioned this before, but HR guy was formally asking me about M. It wasn't like I was talking about her at the pub.

Edit 2: I dont know where people got the idea she was just a month into the pregnancy when she was interviewed. Just to clarify, she was pregnant long enough that she knew she wouldn't be completing the project.

She didn't mention it coz she wanted the project on her resume. Our company never punishes an employee for taking ML or in general any medical leave.

But in this case, team leads did not want her on their team for high profile projects after she returned. Coz they didn't trust her to be forthright.

Edit 3. I thought this would be obvious, but our source for Ms motivations were M herself.

She admitted all of it herself. Also, just to clarify, I didn't just put a blanket statement of her trustworthiness.

I explained the incident and explained that due to this, her coworkers all consider her untrustworthy. Edit 4: I never realised I'd need to clarify this, but there is absolutely no legal issue with what I did.

It is completely legal and is a common practice

Ethical Considerations in Workplace Relationships

The complexities of workplace relationships can lead to ethical dilemmas, especially concerning personal information. Studies in organizational psychology emphasize the importance of confidentiality and trust in professional settings.

Revealing a colleague's undisclosed pregnancy can breach that trust, potentially damaging professional relationships and work dynamics. Understanding the ethical implications of such actions is essential for maintaining a respectful workplace.

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The psychological impact of gossip and rumor-sharing in workplaces can be significant. Research published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology indicates that gossip can lead to a toxic work environment, negatively impacting employee morale and productivity.

It's crucial to recognize that sharing sensitive information about colleagues without consent can perpetuate a culture of mistrust and conflict, highlighting the need for discretion in professional settings.

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Navigating Workplace Conflict with Integrity

In situations of conflict, maintaining integrity and professionalism is paramount. Strategies from conflict resolution literature suggest that addressing concerns directly with the individual involved, rather than involving others, can foster a more constructive dialogue.

Consider discussing your feelings about the situation with the colleague in question, allowing for a more open and honest conversation that respects their boundaries and privacy.

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I've worked in HR both in India and in Europe. I won't compare to companies in the US as the work culture there is very different, especially when it comes to provisions and legislation around maternity, and you are not based in the US anyway. And YTA here for sure, by any stretch of imagination. The employee is not required by law to disclose her pregnancy when she took on the role. There is usually a specific cut off by which they need to inform the employer, which should be enough time to find a maternity cover. Okay so she was pregnant and had to be replaced. You'd have to replace her in so many other circumstances - she may be poached by a competitor or run over by a truck on her way in to work, with far less notice than upcoming maternity leave. This sounds like a decent-sized corporation by the sound of this policy, not a mom and pop cornershop. And companies that offer generous maternity leave do so to attract female talent and increase diversity, knowing full well that women will go on maternity leave if they are pregnant, and that they will be treated fairly on their return. And staff turnover - even during critical projects - is a reality and one they need to have contingency plans and succession plans for. In fact it is YOUR job as HR to have backup staffing plans. It is NOT your job to get all self righteous and sabotage your ex-colleague's career AFTER they leave your organisation. When asked for a reference, you provide facts about their employment - date of hiring, role, etc. and comments on performance are restricted to a generic 'satisfactory'. In such a case, at most you'd say satisfactory but you cannot comment further as she left the company following maternity leave. The only time you'd be more specific was if she was terminated for any kind of misconduct, etc. And even there you'd restrict your comments to the minimum. You do not sit and gossip with your HR contact from the other company and moan on behalf of your company about how hard done by you were, because you didn't have a staffing Plan B for what was routine staff turnover. You do not discriminate or through your biased commentary, lead to someone else discriminating against an ex-colleague. Exactly what constructive purpose did your comments serve except to sabotage her career in an organisation completely unrelated to you, and to set her up for bias and failure there? Your maternity policy is only as good as the spirit in which it is implemented. Maybe your ex-colleague knew that despite the policy on paper, the people implementing it still consider a generous policy as a favour they are conferring on pregnant women. They are entitled to be treated fairly during and after their pregnancy. Maybe that is why she kept mum about her pregnancy till she was required to disclose it. That would explain a lot. Maybe she had other health concerns - maybe she suffered previous pregnancy loss, maybe she was waiting to find out if her pregnancy was really viable. Unless you attended her OB appointments with her and lived in her home with her family, you will never know her particular situation. And you seem to think a person cannot have many things ongoing at the same time in their life, health concerns, family life, other interests at the same time as work. The company can expect their money's worth from them, but you cannot treat employees as worker bees putting the company and its interests above their own. Your behaviour is (one of the many reasons) why larger companies leave reference letters to their back office teams, so they are provided factually and to a template - and not by less-than-objective individuals with an axe to grind. YTA and what you did here was pretty self-righteous, and in my books frankly unethical. I would be horrified if someone from my team acted this way. There may be little you can do to set this right, but you really need to reflect on how to act in a more balanced , nonjudgmental way going forward. You are in a role that can hugely impact people's lives, and all the more reason to understand better your role acting not only in behalf of the company but also the employees Edited, as on reflection some of my comments felt too harsh to me, and it is also on the other HR person for letting your comments influence her chances there (even though your comments should never have been made in the first place)

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How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the challenges of maintaining professionalism in the workplace. It's important to recognize the boundaries of personal information and the potential consequences of sharing it without consent.

Fostering an environment of trust and integrity can help mitigate conflicts and promote positive relationships among colleagues.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, navigating workplace relationships requires careful consideration of ethical standards and personal boundaries. By understanding the implications of sharing sensitive information, employees can contribute to a more respectful and supportive work environment.

Engaging in direct communication about concerns can further enhance workplace dynamics and foster trust among colleagues.