Woman Avoids Paying For Things By Saying That She Is Broke And Opinions Are Divided On Whether It Is Ethical
Is saying "I'm broke" a good enough excuse to avoid paying for things you can afford, but do not want?
One Reddit post about money, manners, and a little white lie has people arguing hard. A woman says she sometimes tells people she is broke, even though she is not, just to avoid paying for extras she does not want.
Her examples range from a car repair bill that jumped after the quote, to a pushy dishwasher upsell, to an awkward pyramid-scheme-style party where she kept saying no by blaming her budget. Her boyfriend says the act is embarrassing and dishonest, while Reddit is split on whether she is being practical or crossing a line.
Now the internet has to decide if this is smart boundary-setting or just plain lying. Was she wrong to do it?
"AITA for pretending to be broke as an excuse to not spend on things I don't want to?"
I am doing an engineering job making a good amount of money and I save a lot so I'm definitely not actually broke.I sometimes act like I am, and it frustrates my boyfriend though. I'll give a few examples.
The scenario presented in the article raises significant questions about ethics and self-perception.
Some examples...
A few weeks ago I went to get some work done on my car. I called ahead and the shop quoted me $150 for parts and labor so I said ok and dropped off my car. Later that day they called me and said my car was ready to be picked up... But the job was way more complicated than expected so the cost was actually $320. I told them that was more than we agreed on and they were still being pushy.I just go, "Oh God, I'm so sorry, but I don't have the extra money. I called around to all the shops in town this morning and went with y'all because your original quote was the only one I could manage."
(Businesses shouldn't do extra work than you agreed on though?)
The guy at the shop kinda hemmed and hawed and I go "maybe you could take the parts back out, I'm really sorry but that's way too much"He was like "no no I'll honor the original quote"So that was something I didn't feel that bad about but my boyfriend said it made him uncomfortable to hear.
That first example already shows why this got messy fast.
Isn't this fair enough?
Another time, we'd been trying to buy a new dishwasher and the guy at the store kept trying to upsell us on like a bunch of different things, and I was getting frustrated having to say no three or four times over, so I said, "I don't have the money for anything but the dishwasher, no extras."My boyfriend said he didn't like how I lied. It makes him uncomfortable to be around me when I'm lying because then he feels brought into a lie.
And here's the kicker!
But the big stressor was when he said an old friend of his was invited us to a party to celebrate opening her business. We decided to go, I enjoy partys. I didn't realize that this business was ... Uhh kinda a pyramid scheme until we got there and the party wasn't just a party but a push to get people to buy inSo I started declining stuff by being like "uhh that's really expensive, I really didn't expect to be spending anything tonight, so it's really not in my budget" and "sorry I really don't have 100 bucks for that"His friend stopped trying to sell to me much but it was a super weird vibe, it really wasn't a party where you could just hang out and talk and drink
And then the party turned into the kind of awkward night nobody wants to be stuck in.
Hmmmm
Anyway, my boyfriend pulled me aside partway through and said I was embarrassing him in front of his friends and he really wanted me to drop the "broke act"I said ok but I wanted to leave and he took that as a sign I was being petty about what he had asked me, when honestly I was really just not enjoying the not-a-real-party.He's been kinda frustrated with me since and when I got my last paycheck he was like "oh yeah real broke getting 10k" and I snapped at him to say to stop going on about itnow I'm wondering if I was the asshole for using that excuse? My boyfriend thinks so
So, who is the asshole??
AITA for saying that I don't have the money when I honestly just don't want to pay for something? My boyfriend thinks it's uncomfortable and embarrassing and that I shouldn't do it.
What do we think pals?!
Maybe it's not about the money it's the ease of lying?
NAH - Though there's something to be said for just being honest with people.That's not the quote you gave me for the car.I don't need those things, just the dishwasher, please.I was told this was a party. I'm not interested in buying your products, thank you.I can see why your boyfriend would be uncomfortable with your lies, but I don't think they make you an asshole.
This is similar to the AITA dispute where someone refused to bail out a friend’s reckless spending.
Good points!
NTAIf people won't take "no" for an answer, they will take "I don't have any extra money". Just like I tell people at expositions I'm checking out that I can't buy their windows because I rent. They hear it and the vendors nearby hear it and don't pester me.Regarding the MLM "party"... I hated being invited to dinners and parties like that. And the "dinner" was a cheese and cracker spread. I got to the point where I'd grab my wife and we'd walk out as soon as we would figure it out. Eventually, we just declined dinner and party invites of strangers and people we didn't know real well.
Maybe it's communication?
NAH - but there is a need to communicate.There is a fine line here: you don't need to claim that you're broke to accomplish the things you have talked about here. You actually nailed it with the "That's Not in my Budget".The situation with the shop? Maybe you were within your rights to ask them to honor the original quote. If so, you're good. If you authorized more work, but then reneged on paying, that's AH.Dishwasher? Hey, here's my budget, no extras. No AH.Pyramid Party? Nope, you don't have to spend $$ on stuff you don't want to. No AH.But the change here is how you are communicating with your BF & others that you have a budget, and a way you want to spend your $$. Again, you don't have to say you're broke, you just have to say that it's not in your budget.
Devil's in the details
This one is hard.If you're saying "it's not in my budget" or "I wasn't planning on spending that much," then NTA. You don't have to justify to anyone why you will or will not spend money. Like with the mechanic example, they tried to charge more than double what they quoted. It is in no way wrong to say you didn't plan on spending that much.If you're going around saying "I'm so broke, I have no money for anything," then that's a bit of an AH move.TLDR: it isn't a lie if you say you budgeted differently, so that's cool. But if you lie and say you're broke, that is not cool.
In the ongoing debate surrounding the ethics of feigning financial hardship to avoid payments, the core issue emerges: the impact of dishonesty on relationships. The article highlights how pretending to be broke can lead to a breakdown of authenticity, which is vital for any healthy interaction. When individuals resort to fabricating their financial situations, it not only creates a facade but can also foster resentment among friends and family. This scenario raises critical questions about the importance of open communication in social settings. Instead of constructing elaborate excuses, simply expressing disinterest in making purchases is not only acceptable but also essential for maintaining trust and respect within relationships. The conversation on platforms like Reddit underscores the necessity of balancing personal needs with honesty, as this dynamic can significantly influence the quality of our interactions.
Some people do think that they're the asshole.
In situations where someone persists, he suggests simply walking away to maintain your peace and honesty.
A gentle YTA -you can set limits without lying. I get that it's easier to lie but it's also kinda messed up to pretend to be broke when you're fine. It sounds like you might need to practice setting limits and saying no? "That's more than we agreed.""No, thank you, I just want the basic model.""I'm not interested."It's not easy to set limits but it's something you can learn to do and it will serve you well in the long run.And no hate but I grew up poor and "we're broke" meant there was no money. It meant don't ask about the book fair or school pictures or field trips or classes because there's no money anywhere for anything. I know people use this phrase to mean different things, it can be relative. But it would be far more accurate to say, "that's not in my budget" or, "sorry, I didn't plan on spending that much."
Others think they're a smart consumer
Honestly, with the title I thought it was going to be something like short-changing family members on vacation rental fees or group gifts, but this just sounds like you are being a smart consumer?However, may I ask what the BF does? If he makes less, and his friends know what you do, and you pay for more expenses, there might be a bit of discomfort on his part because he doesn’t think the money should be a big deal to you (not that this is right, but just trying to explain).However, I’d reconsider your approach. If your BF embarrassment truly stems from crying poor, then try this: start getting extremely blunt and almost confrontational in tone with your ‘nos’, as in, “Listen, salesperson’s name, this is the last time I’m going to state this. THIS is my budget, and I do NOT want any extras. If this happens again, I am leaving for competitor’s store.” “Listen, mechanic, THIS is the price you quoted me. If you do not honor, you need to take the parts out so I can go to a shop who will honor their quotes.” See how the BF likes that.
The article highlights the potential consequences of misleading others about one's financial status, noting that such dishonesty can lead to a breakdown of trust. The debate on Reddit illustrates that while some may sympathize with the woman's plight, many believe that transparency is essential in any interaction, especially when it involves financial obligations. Ultimately, the ethical implications of her actions raise important questions about integrity and accountability in our daily dealings.
Sometimes, AITA threads expose larger problems in the relationship
Op gives 3 examples where she was totally in the right. I wonder if there is a bigger problem, where the issue of money comes up so often that it is boring and irritating for her partner. I am pretty frugal myself, and I grew up poor, but I do not lie about my situation. I just say no thank you.
Also THIS
Nta. Acting like you're broke is how you avoid going broke.I'm nowhere near your income level yet as I just started my career, but saving money is really important to me. If I need to buy something, I always shop around for good deals. I avoid buying things I really don't need to. I refuse to go out to cheap, garbage restaurants every weekend and only go out every 3ish months to a nicer higher end restaurant. My husband is the same way, but we've lost some friends who don't have to pay their own way yet.Sorry, but spending $15 on a crappy drink with hardly any alcohol in it is hardly a good time.
In the heated discussions on the "Am I The Asshole?" thread, the dilemma of a woman who claims to be broke to avoid paying for things raises important questions about personal boundaries and honesty. The notion of saying "no" as a complete sentence resonates with many users, who argue that self-care is paramount. Furthermore, the dialogue reflects a growing belief that transparency about one's financial situation can lead to deeper, more respectful connections with others, hinting at a broader cultural shift towards valuing authenticity in interactions.
What's your verdict: asshole or smart with money? Share in the comments!
For insights on the ethical implications of pretending to be broke, Dr. Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist, states, "People often navigate complex social situations with strategies that may not align with traditional ethical standards." You can explore more of his work on his professional website danariely.com. Additionally, Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage therapist, emphasizes that "communication and honesty are crucial in relationships, and using deception can lead to deeper issues." Learn more about her approach at divorcebusting.com.
Ethics and Responsibility in Financial Decision-Making
The decision to claim financial hardship when one can afford a purchase raises important ethical questions about responsibility. Psychological research indicates that individuals often rationalize their decisions to align with their self-image, which can lead to ethical dilemmas.
Individuals may justify their claims of being 'broke' to avoid feelings of guilt associated with spending, illustrating the complexity of financial decision-making.
Understanding the psychological motivations behind avoiding payment can shed light on broader societal attitudes toward financial responsibility.
The recent Reddit discussion surrounding a woman's claim of being broke to avoid paying for items raises significant questions about financial ethics and societal values. The reactions on the "Am I The Asshole?" thread showcase a divided opinion on whether her approach is a clever strategy or an unfair manipulation of others' generosity.
This debate highlights the complexity of ethical financial decision-making in contemporary society.
The act of claiming financial hardship can be viewed through the lens of social psychology, particularly the concept of social desirability bias.
This bias can lead to justifications for behavior that may not align with reality. To navigate this, fostering transparency and honesty in financial discussions can help mitigate misunderstandings and promote healthier relational dynamics.
The recent Reddit discussion surrounding a woman who claims to be broke to avoid payment highlights a complex intersection of financial honesty and ethical behavior. The intense debate reflects how societal norms shape our perceptions of morality in financial transactions. Many users grapple with the implications of such claims, questioning whether the woman's actions are justified or if they reflect a deeper ethical lapse.
This situation underscores the importance of open dialogue about financial struggles. By sharing these realities, individuals can foster a climate of understanding and support, rather than suspicion. Transparency in financial matters not only upholds personal integrity but also cultivates trust within relationships, helping to bridge the gap between differing viewpoints on what is acceptable behavior.
Want a different money mess, read about the AITA fight over whether to repay a friend after misusing borrowed money.
