When Family Affection Feels Like a Competition, Child Asks If It's Okay For Parents To Love Each Other More Than Her

Family dynamics can be complicated, and the way love is expressed within them can leave lasting impressions. While most parents strive to make their children feel valued, certain comments or attitudes can unintentionally create feelings of being less important.

For some, the idea of ranking love, choosing one relationship over another, can be hurtful, especially when it comes from the people they expect to be their strongest supporters. When emotional needs aren’t met in early life, it can shape how a person views themselves and their place in others’ lives well into adulthood.

OP grew up hearing their parents say they loved each other more than they loved their child. These remarks appeared in both serious conversations and casual jokes, but they left OP feeling second-best.

OP believes that love should not be ranked, as each type, romantic, parental, sibling, or friendship, serves a different purpose. However, the repeated comments reinforced a belief that no one would ever truly choose or prioritize them.

This feeling resurfaced during a therapy session. Later that day, OP’s mother pressed for details despite OP asking for space. Eventually, OP explained the source of the hurt. The mother became upset, and OP, feeling raw, reminded her of those past statements.

This led to tears from the mother and anger from the father, leaving OP questioning whether expressing this pain made them wrong.

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Parents’ cruel words left op feeling unloved.

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Parents’ favoritism hurts as much as it confuses.

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OP was 100% right.

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OP did nothing wrong.

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Nothing is more important than kids.

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Healing, self-care, and hope for love after family struggles.

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Emotional manipulation.

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OP should choose happiness by forgiving yourself, focusing on hobbies, and being kind to yourself.

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The sense that one has been repeatedly overlooked, even when unintentionally, can leave deep emotional wounds. Being pushed into expressing complex feelings - especially when still processing them - can easily lead to tense reactions.

Still, voicing that hurt is valid and necessary. Effective healing often starts with heartfelt expression and clear boundaries, not judgment.

Whether or not others immediately understand, acknowledging one’s feelings and seeking empathy are meaningful, courageous steps toward being seen and respected.