Redditor Forces His Wife To Go To Family Gatherings That Always End With Her Crying
"When you marry, your spouse is your family."
"Blending into a family is no easy task. You basically try to make the best first impression because it might hinder your plan of having a peaceful married life.
A lot of times, it goes smoothly, and you'll get to spend occasions with your new family while making wonderful memories. Sometimes, though, getting along with your partner's family can be a train wreck.
Take this Redditor, who posted under the subreddit r/AITAH. He introduced his wife, then girlfriend, to his family, and they got along with her, but after he proposed, they started treating her differently.
Before their wedding, OP's mom made his wife cry, and he tried to stand up for her, but it was only enough to make his mom treat her kindly again for a few months. After a while, OP's whole family consistently made sure that his wife felt bad every time they saw her at family gatherings.
Still, OP kept pushing for his wife to go with him, reasoning that it's family. In the end, OP's wife stated that she would not subject herself to the humiliation and mistreatment that OP's family inflicted on her anymore.
She decided that she wouldn't go to any more gatherings with OP's family and blamed him for forcing her to attend. They haven't spoken since the fight, but OP is wondering if pushing her to go with him makes him the a**hole.
OP started with this post under the subreddit
posted deleted by userThey might have seen her as a temporary fix for OP
posted deleted by userOP stood up for his wife when she was treated poorly by his mother and threatened to cut communication with them
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The relationship was irreparable for OP's wife, his mother, and other family members
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OP's family is starting to purposely stop any plans for them to go away
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OP tried to make them back off, but it resulted in even more drama. The wife then tried to tell him that she wanted to opt out of the Christmas plans with his family
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The wife agreed to come after OP insisted and continued to attend other family events but always ended up in tears
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In the end, the wife finally put her foot down and didn't want to go to OP's family events anymore. OP still thinks that she should go with him the next time, though.
posted deleted by user
The majority of Redditors agree that OP's the a**hole
IndependenceAdept543
That seems to be the case, but it's still hard to root for OP to be NTA
DomHaynie
Their concern over OP seems to be more controlling than it really is
ellastory
OP needs to learn to be in tune with his wife's feelings as she tries to do her best for him
ellastory
If OP keeps trying to force her to go with him to family gatherings, he will soon see divorce papers
gotmyorangecrush1
OP should see the real motives of his family
Nightshade1387
While he's at it, he should see the bigger picture of how his family is treating his wife and stand up for her
Evendim
His wife chose him and considers him family, and if he wants to be in a happy relationship, it shouldn't be one-sided
Evendim
The family will always be on the side of OP, and they'll do everything to keep him with them
Psychological_Tap187
OP was lucky that he didn't get left at the altar after his mom's speech
JuniorFix3344
The wife doesn't deserve to be dragged to those awful events
catsncupcakes
Redditors share their own family-in-law horror stories
padillerpadooder
Sometimes it's not the significant partner who's being...
mother-of-pod
mistreated, but the actual son/daughter
mother-of-pod
One question for OP: other than the 'because they're still family' reason, why are you forcing your wife to go with you?
hatportfolio
Therapy is a good place to start to ensure OP sees how badly this pattern can affect people
hatportfolio
The husband was smart enough to listen to her...
ScarletteMayWest
because these kinds of families can be relentless, and you'll never know what it will take to get them to stop
ScarletteMayWest
Going NC might be the extreme price for long-term peace
unknown
If your wife should technically be their family too and that's how they treat her, wouldn't you see that as a red flag?
turtleandhughes
It'll never change unless OP does something
juswannalurkpls
This could be the start
Hooligans_Momma
OP can do right by his wife by not forcing her to attend with him when he knows his family truly hurts her. His wife has treated his family with respect, and if he doesn't keep the peace by standing up for her, things might get worse between them.
Choosing between your family and your chosen family will always be hard, but you have to be aware if you're being sucked into a toxic relationship. This way, spending your life with whom you choose will always be worth it.
Have you ever had a similar experience to OP? We'd like to hear about it in the comments.
