Family Divided: Should I Plan a Memory Intervention for Grandma?

Are you the jerk for wanting to arrange a family intervention to tackle your grandmother's memory problems? Recently, I (25F) observed our grandmother Barbara (82F) struggling with memory loss, causing concern.

I confided in my sister Linda (27F) about it, hoping for support in offering extra help to Barbara in her daily life. However, my uncle Richard (60M) had a different opinion, accusing me of stirring up unnecessary drama within the family.

According to him, Barbara's forgetfulness is just a natural part of aging that doesn't require interference. Barbara has always been the family matriarch, known for hosting gatherings and preparing elaborate meals.

Witnessing her struggle with these simple tasks due to memory issues has been heartbreaking. Her forgetfulness is progressively impacting her daily routine.

In light of this, I proposed a family intervention to discuss potential solutions and support for Barbara. Nevertheless, Richard strongly opposes the idea, labeling it as an invasion of her privacy and unnecessary interference in her life choices.

The family is now divided on this matter, with some supporting my initiative while others align with Richard's perspective. The conflicting opinions have left me torn between respecting Barbara's autonomy and ensuring she receives the necessary care and support.

The thread on Reddit is buzzing with varied viewpoints, ranging from empathetic support to cautionary advice on handling such delicate family dynamics.

Original Post

So I'm (25F) and recently, I noticed that our grandmother Barbara (82F) has been struggling with memory loss. I mentioned it to my sister Linda (27F) because I felt like maybe she needed some extra help with daily routines.

My uncle Richard (60M) heard about this and accused me of being manipulative, saying I was trying to create unnecessary drama in the family. He believes that Barbara's forgetfulness is just a natural part of aging and that we shouldn't interfere.

For background, Barbara has always been the matriarch of our family, and seeing her struggle with simple tasks breaks my heart. She used to love cooking big family meals and hosting gatherings, but now she forgets recipes and names of loved ones.

It's becoming more evident, and it's affecting her daily life. I proposed the idea of a family intervention to discuss potential solutions and support for Barbara.

However, Richard vehemently opposes the idea, saying it's an invasion of her privacy and that we should let her live her life as she chooses. He believes seeking professional help or intervention is unnecessary and could upset her.

I understand his perspective, but I also worry about Barbara's well-being and safety. I feel torn between respecting her autonomy and ensuring she receives the care she needs.

The family is divided on this issue, with some siding with me and others with Richard. So, AITA for wanting to organize a family intervention to address Barbara's memory issues, despite my uncle Richard accusing me of being manipulative and causing unnecessary conflict?

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We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Expert Opinion

The family's conflict reflects a common struggle between respecting an elderly person's autonomy and ensuring their safety. It's a delicate balancing act, driven by a mix of concern, love, fear, and sometimes guilt. While the desire to intervene comes from a place of care, it's important to involve Barbara in the conversation, respecting her autonomy while also addressing her needs.

Dr Anvi Patel

Psychologist