Parenting is hard, and all parents occasionally face situations where, no matter how hard they try to avoid it, their kids are going to get hurt. One mom, posting under the name u/familyheirloom321231 on Reddit, faced one of those moments, and she turned to the internet community for opinions.

She stated that her family has a long-standing tradition of passing one specific necklace down to the firstborn daughter. Her daughter, 17 years old, asked if she could wear the necklace to her upcoming junior prom.

“I told her she could and joked that it doesn’t matter because, in a year, it will be hers,” the mom wrote.

And here is where things start to get complicated. You see, Susan is the middle child. The oldest child, Jessica, came out as trans a few years ago.

As the oldest daughter, Jessica thought that she should receive the necklace, and the mom admitted she had never considered it before because she spent 13 years viewing Susan as her oldest daughter.

“This made us all quiet, and I didn’t really know what to say as I’ve never really thought about it since I always planned on giving it to Susan,” she wrote. “After thinking for a few seconds, I told Jessica that I have always planned on giving it to Susan and that it wouldn’t be fair, but since circumstances have changed, I am willing to go with you to a jewelry store and get you something equally special.”

Mom’s attempt to soothe a difficult situation didn’t go so well.

“This did not satisfy Jessica, as she became progressively ruder to me,” she said. “Jessica being rude to me and our fighting led Susan to say some very transphobic things to Jessica (which made her walk away and cry) that I don’t wish to repeat.”


“I’m at an impasse. My [spouse] and I really don’t think giving Jessica the necklace would be the right thing to do. AITA?”

People are mostly sympathetic to her problem.

“You’re all in a difficult situation,” wrote u/PooPulls. “Your trans daughter feels it’s yet another instance of her being considered less than a woman. Your female-born daughter feels it’s being unfairly removed from her, and you didn’t consider this possibility because who can really foresee this?”

“This was Susan’s birthright, and it’s been coming to her her whole life. You can’t take that away because of the other child’s transitions and life journey,” added u/rhetorical_twix. “Susan is your firstborn daughter. Jessica, by transitioning, became your second daughter after birth.”

And many used the opportunity to advocate against practices where the oldest children receive the family heirlooms.

“As a younger sibling in a family with a long history of passing down something (a name) to the firstborn… I’m not a fan of these traditions in general,” wrote u/tonytwostep. “In my opinion, it makes the firstborn (and their subsequent firstborn) feel like the ‘true’ inheritors of the family history; it forges a close relationship between the parent and the firstborn, at the expense of your relationship with the other children.”

“But in all seriousness… traditions that solely focus on one child over the others are kind of stupid. You’re just asking for your other kids to start to resent you and the Chosen Child,” u/batnat711 chimed in.

The bottom line is that everyone agreed there are ‘No A-holes here,’ just a challenging and stressful situation for a loving family.