Redditor's Sister Believes Roses and Blue Trucks Are Cursed After Their Parents' Divorce

Divorce is never easy. It not only affects the separated couple but also the people around them, especially if they have children.

Reddit user u/ExtraThrowRA shared a story in the r/AITA (Am I The A**hole?) subreddit about how her sister "Jan" is still struggling with their parents' divorce as an adult. The OP explained that their parents have been divorced for more than 20 years.

They had an unhealthy marriage, and the OP's dad openly cheated on their mom frequently. When the OP was six and Jan was nine, their dad gave their mom a dozen roses.

While the gesture was nice, the reason behind it was not; he was trying to apologize for an affair.

A few years later, Jan asked their dad why he didn't give their mother flowers often. He told her, "Roses are cursed and make your mom mad at me."

The OP says Jan still brings this up regularly. She believes that roses are cursed, but so are blue trucks, certain types of food, and several other things that she expects everyone to remember.

One weekend, while they were having a family brunch for their mom's birthday, the OP inadvertently bought her mom a flower arrangement that included roses. When Jan arrived and saw the flowers, she became hysterical, claiming the OP had cursed the family by bringing roses into the house.

The OP snapped and told Jan that their parents got divorced because their dad was a cheater, not because of some flowers. She told Jan that if she can't come to terms with the divorce, she should seek some sort of treatment.

After that, Jan and her husband left. The OP's mom said she was an a**hole for snapping at Jan and that she is just "sensitive."

Now the OP is wondering if she really is the a**hole here. Keep scrolling to see how people reacted.

The OP asked if she's an a**hole for telling her sister their family isn't cursed.

Reddit/ExtraThrowRA

The OP explained that their parents have been divorced for more than 20 years.

Reddit/ExtraThrowRA

When the OP was six and Jan was nine, their dad gave their mom a dozen roses. While the gesture was nice, the reason behind it was not; he was trying to apologize for an affair.

Reddit/ExtraThrowRA

The Impact of Family Trauma

The effects of family trauma can resonate deeply within individuals, often manifesting in irrational beliefs and behaviors. Research in the Journal of Trauma & Dissociation highlights that children from disrupted family backgrounds may develop coping mechanisms that appear maladaptive, such as associating specific objects or events with trauma. This is especially relevant in the context of the sister's beliefs about roses and blue trucks.

Understanding these associations can provide insight into the psychological impact of familial relationships and the lasting effects of traumatic events. It emphasizes the importance of addressing these beliefs through therapeutic interventions.

The Psychological Impact of Divorce

Divorce can have profound psychological effects on family members, particularly children. According to Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a happiness researcher, "Children of divorced parents often grapple with a complex mix of emotions, including confusion, sadness, and anger, which can significantly impact their emotional well-being." These feelings can manifest in various ways, affecting their behavior and overall mental health. In this case, the sister's belief in curses tied to their parents' divorce may serve as a coping mechanism to navigate the chaos and insecurity that often accompany familial disruptions. As noted by Dr. Pat Love, a relationship therapist, "Such beliefs can provide a sense of control in an otherwise unpredictable situation, helping children to make sense of their experiences."

Jan still believes that roses are cursed, but so are blue trucks, certain types of food, and several other things that she expects everyone to remember.

Reddit/ExtraThrowRA

One weekend, while they were having a family brunch for their mom's birthday, the OP inadvertently bought her mom a flower arrangement that included roses.

Reddit/ExtraThrowRA

The OP snapped and told Jan that their parents got divorced because their dad was a cheater, not because of some flowers.

Reddit/ExtraThrowRA

According to Dr. Dan Siegel, a renowned psychiatrist and author, "Irrational beliefs often arise from the need to make sense of chaotic family dynamics." Engaging in cognitive restructuring—challenging and reframing harmful thoughts—can significantly enhance mental health. Dr. Siegel emphasizes that "this approach can empower individuals to re-evaluate their beliefs about objects associated with past trauma." Encouraging her to explore these associations in a therapeutic setting can foster healing and provide her with tools to develop healthier coping strategies. For more insights, visit Dr. Dan Siegel's website.

The concept of magical thinking, often observed in children, refers to the belief that one's thoughts or actions can directly influence outcomes. A study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology highlights how children may resort to magical thinking to cope with the emotional distress of divorce. This can involve attributing positive or negative events to specific actions or objects, such as the roses and blue trucks mentioned.

Now the OP is wondering if she really is the a**hole here. Keep scrolling to see how people reacted.

Reddit/ExtraThrowRA

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/thewalkindude

Jan definitely needs therapy!

Reddit/Reasonable-Rich6650

The Role of Therapy in Addressing Trauma

Therapy can play a crucial role in resolving trauma-related beliefs and behaviors. Research shows that therapeutic approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) are particularly effective in addressing irrational thought patterns. According to studies published in the American Psychological Association, CBT helps individuals identify and challenge distorted beliefs, ultimately leading to healthier thought processes and emotional regulation.

In this case, encouraging the sister to seek therapy could provide her with a supportive space to unpack her feelings and beliefs, paving the way for better emotional health.

Navigating Emotional Turmoil Post-Divorce

For families navigating the aftermath of divorce, open communication is crucial. Family therapists recommend creating a safe space for children to express their feelings about the divorce. This can help them process their emotions and reduce feelings of isolation.

Moreover, regular family meetings can provide opportunities for parents to address concerns and reinforce the idea that both parents will continue to support their children, regardless of their marital status.

"Your sister needs help."

Reddit/hannahkelli

"Good lord!"

Reddit/Status_Flux

"She needs help."

Reddit/R4eth

Additionally, seeking professional support can be beneficial. Therapy can provide children with a space to explore their feelings and develop coping strategies. According to experts, therapy can help children understand their emotional experiences, leading to healthier relationships in the future.

Ultimately, addressing the emotional impact of divorce requires a multifaceted approach that includes communication, support, and professional guidance.

"Your sister might need to be evaluated for mental health issues."

Reddit/genus-corvidae

NTA.

Reddit/applejax1012

She is "harboring a lot of trauma."

Reddit/The__Riker__Maneuver

"She does need some serious therapy."

Reddit/Poopersnart

"The entire world doesn't revolve around her."

Reddit/Factionsareverybad

"Your sister needs mystical intervention."

Reddit/X-Couch-Potato

Perhaps she has OCD?

Reddit/Ordinary_Bid_7053

"That sh*t's exhausting!"

Reddit/Short-Guitar-5085

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP should have been more understanding of her sister's feelings, or was Jan being unreasonable in carrying on the way she did?

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the unique challenges children face in the wake of divorce. It's crucial for families to provide support and understanding, allowing children to process their emotions in a safe environment.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, divorce can have lasting effects on children, shaping their emotional and psychological development. Research emphasizes the importance of open communication and support in helping children navigate these challenging experiences. By fostering a supportive environment, families can help mitigate the negative impacts of divorce and promote healthier emotional outcomes.

Psychological Analysis

From our in-house perspective, the sister's beliefs about certain objects suggest a deeper need for exploration of her past experiences. It's essential for her to consider seeking professional support to unpack these associations and develop healthier coping mechanisms for her emotional health.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, addressing the impact of family trauma is vital for promoting emotional well-being. Research indicates that therapy can significantly help individuals reframe irrational beliefs and develop healthier coping strategies. By encouraging open discussions about these experiences, families can foster understanding and support for healing.