Family Trip Dilemma: AITA for Refusing to Split Costs?

A 27-year-old woman says she did not just “refuse to pay,” she got labeled the villain for it. And it all started with her in-laws treating her like an ATM, while barely acknowledging her life, her job, or even her wedding anniversary.

She and her husband were invited on a family trip with his parents, his 21-year-old sister and her 23-year-old boyfriend, and their 14-year-old brother. The complication? Her in-laws have a history of asking for money they do not repay, including a $500 request for a big birthday party they wanted despite the couple being broke, and later a call on their anniversary asking to borrow $1500.

Now that the trip is coming with strings attached, she’s stuck deciding whether splitting costs makes her the bad guy again.

Original Post

I (27F) & my husband (27M) were invited on a family trip with his parents, sister (21), her boyfriend (23), and brother (14). AITA for not wanting to split the cost of the trip between my in-laws and my husband and me?

Backstory: I don’t have a great relationship with my in-laws. I have put effort in for almost 6 years.

There’s a slight language barrier that they use as an excuse as to why they don’t care to ask about what’s going on in my life or hardly ask my husband about me. They never acknowledged when I got a new job or when I was laid off from that same job after my husband had shared it with them.

However, they did find it in their heart to ask for $500 to plan a massive birthday party for my FIL, when they knew we didn’t have the money. I legit lost sleep over giving them that money, not knowing how or when we would recoup it.

They never said thank you. My husband and I had a huge falling out over it.

Then 3 months later, on our wedding anniversary, they called my husband not to send well wishes but instead to ask to borrow $1500. We had another major argument and it ruined our anniversary.

We told them no and they still never acknowledged our anniversary. So, that’s some of the many issues that have come up over the years.

My husband does not see the issue with them constantly asking us for money when we had discussed this prior to marriage and the answer was no, but now that we are married there’s always a call or text asking for money from them and my husband refuses to put his foot down so he comes to me and when I say no I come out as the bad guy. Last year they planned a family vacation including the sister's boyfriend and it was all paid for by the parents.

They invited us 6 days before the trip and we couldn’t get off of work nor did we have the money for this lavish trip, so last minute. Mind you I have tried every single year for the last 5 years to plan a trip with them and somehow it never happens but as soon as my sister-in-law gets a boyfriend, who speaks the language, suddenly they can afford a trip and make it happen overnight.

I was pissed. Fast forward to this year, they invite us a couple of months ago and something came up with the location we were supposed to stay at so we are replanning the trip.

My in-laws sent us some very pricey ($700-1000 per night) Airbnbs to consider but we cannot afford to stay at a place like that. My husband found a great alternative but it’s still $1400 for the week.

My in-laws expect us to split it down the middle so $700 for the 5 of them (FIL, MIL, BIL, SIL, and her boyfriend) and us pay $700 for just us 2. Did I mention they also plan to bring their 2 dogs?

My husband sees no issue with this however I’m an anxious mess because of the impending argument I know will come from this. Am I wrong to think they should pay $1000 and we pay $400 ($200 per person going)?

AITA for even arguing this point? We will be booking a place to stay in a couple of days and I’m so anxious about it.

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This feels like the workplace mess where a coworker refused to train her best friend’s ex, and the office didn’t let it go.

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The moment her in-laws asked for $500 for her FIL’s birthday party, she says she lost sleep over it, and they still never even said thank you.

Then, right on her wedding anniversary, they called her husband for $1500 instead of well wishes, and she claims that is when everything blew up again.

Last year, they planned a lavish family vacation that included the sister’s boyfriend, paid for by the parents, and only invited OP and her husband six days before it, too late for work or money.

With the next trip on the calendar and her husband refusing to “put his foot down,” OP is the one who keeps getting painted as the bad guy every time she says no to splitting costs.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

She’s not refusing the trip, she’s refusing to keep funding the family’s “surprise” money emergencies.

Want to see how public fairness arguments backfire, read what happened when she demanded a raise in front of everyone. Is it wrong to ask for a raise in front of the whole office?