Parents Push Daughter Into Nursing, Then Ask For $37k Tuition Refund After Finding Out She Switched Majors
They wanted a nurse. She wanted a life she could handle.
$37k is a heavy number to hang over anyone’s head, but it lands even harder when it comes from your own parents. That is the weight sitting on this woman’s shoulders due to her family’s rule of only studying healthcare majors.
OP’s grandparents worked in medicine, her parents built their lives around it, and the path seemed mapped out before she even understood she could choose something different.
She tried to follow that plan at first. She gave two full years to nursing school and handled the classroom work well, but the clinical environment shook her.
The stress, the pace, the constant emotional demands, none of it felt like something she could build her future around.
That realization hit her slowly at first, then all at once, and she made a call her parents never expected. She walked away from nursing and moved into computer science, a field that actually fit her strengths.
That decision came with a cost. Her nursing credits did not transfer, so she had to start fresh, and her parents refused to pay another dollar.
OP took loans and worked through the degree, and has been chipping away at the debt ever since.
Now her parents want the money they spent on her two years in nursing school returned. Their argument is that their support only applied if she stayed in healthcare.
However, OP sees it differently. She feels she tried to follow their wishes and paid the price when it became impossible for her.
Check out the screenshots to digest the full story.
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comA bit of background
Reddit.comAfter OP switched majors, which her parents weren’t pleased about. This made them stop paying her tuition
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Understanding Parental Pressure
Dr. William Doherty, a family therapist, emphasizes the detrimental effects of parental pressure on children’s life choices. He notes that such expectations can lead to anxiety and a lack of personal fulfillment. Many young adults feel trapped between familial expectations and their own aspirations, which can cause significant mental health issues.
Doherty suggests that open discussions about career choices can alleviate this pressure. Creating a supportive dialogue allows young individuals to explore their interests without the weight of financial or emotional burdens from their families.
Finding Common Ground
Family therapist Dr. Adele Faber suggests that establishing common ground is essential when discussing career decisions. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing each family member's needs and desires, which can facilitate healthier dialogues about expectations.
Faber recommends family meetings to discuss career aspirations openly, allowing each member to voice their thoughts without judgment. This collaborative approach can bridge the gap between parental expectations and children's aspirations, fostering a sense of unity and support that benefits everyone involved.
Now, OP’s parents have asked her to pay back everything they spent in the first two years
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We gathered some interesting comments from the Reddit community
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“Having lost 2 years of your life trying to please them should be payment enough.”
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Cultural sociologist Dr. Patricia McConnell points out that the desire for success in traditionally esteemed fields like healthcare often stems from generational expectations. She explains that these expectations can create a cycle where children feel compelled to follow the paths laid out by their parents without considering their own passions.
McConnell encourages families to diversify their definitions of success and support children in exploring various career paths. This can foster a healthier dynamic, promoting both personal growth and family harmony.
“Their offer to only pay for college if you went into healthcare is an unfair stipulation.”
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“NTA - you studied nursing and went into the field. As far as I can tell the deal was done.”
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“NTA… The only reason you did those two years of nursing is because your parents pressured you.”
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Encouraging Personal Choices
Educational psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck highlights the importance of fostering a growth mindset in children. She argues that encouraging exploration and personal choice can significantly boost self-esteem and motivation. When children feel empowered to make their own decisions, they become more resilient and adaptable.
Parents can nurture this mindset by acknowledging their children's interests and supporting them in pursuing various subjects. Dweck suggests that asking open-ended questions can help children articulate their passions and aspirations, leading to more fulfilling life choices.
“The assumption that you'd pay them back if you'd quit was 1 not discussed 2 unrealistic.”
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“The assumption that you'd pay them back if you'd quit was not discussed and unrealistic.”
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“Honestly, your parent's sound like judgmental, elitists.”
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Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading expert in attachment theory, explains how parental expectations can impact a child’s emotional well-being. She notes that when children feel pressured to meet specific outcomes, they may develop anxiety or resentment. This emotional turmoil can hinder their ability to form healthy relationships and pursue their true passions.
Johnson recommends that parents engage in active listening, creating a safe space for children to express their feelings. This encourages open communication and understanding, allowing for more supportive family dynamics.
Both sides feel strongly about what happened, and the conflict started because each believed they were honoring a commitment.
OP’s parents thought they were investing in a future they understood, while she discovered that future would have broken her.
She found a path she could succeed in, and they felt abandoned after planning around a different outcome. It is the kind of clash that happens when expectations and real life stop lining up.
What do you think about the situation?
Expert Opinion
This situation highlights how deeply family expectations can shape individual choices, often leading to internal conflict. The daughter’s decision to switch majors reflects a crucial psychological need for autonomy and self-actualization; when those needs aren’t met, it can lead to stress and dissatisfaction, despite the pressure to conform. On the flip side, the parents seem caught in their own narrative of legacy and investment, which can create a blind spot to their daughter’s emotional well-being and aspirations.Building Healthier Patterns
The pressures surrounding career choices can be overwhelming, particularly when familial expectations come into play. Experts like Dr. William Doherty and Dr. Sue Johnson emphasize that open communication and a supportive environment are key to navigating these challenges. By fostering discussions that honor individual aspirations, families can create healthier dynamics that allow for personal and professional growth.
Ultimately, encouraging children to explore various paths not only aids in their self-discovery but also strengthens familial bonds. It's a win-win situation that leads to happier, more fulfilled family members.
