"I Came Out At 17, And He Kicked Me Out" - Redditor Asks If He's An A**hole For Refusing To Attend Father's Funeral

A 28-year-old Redditor is stuck in the most brutal family math imaginable: he was kicked out after coming out at 17, and now he’s being asked to show up for his father’s funeral.

It’s not like they were close to begin with. His dad was strict, rooted in a very religious household, and the favoritism in the family was loud, his mother leaning toward his sister while he got the cold shoulder. Add in his father’s reaction to his sexuality, and the funeral request turns into something heavier than grief.

Now he’s wondering if refusing to attend makes him the a-hole, or just the only one telling the truth about what that relationship really was.

The Redditor asked if he's an a**hole for not attending his father's funeral.

Reddit/Longjumping-War4842

He explained that he was never particularly close to his family growing up.

Grieving within family structures can be particularly complicated, especially when historical conflicts exist. Research by unresolved family issues can exacerbate the grieving process, leading to additional emotional turmoil.

In this case, the individual's decision to attend their father's funeral may be influenced by past experiences and the quality of their relationship, reflecting the intricacies of familial ties during times of loss.

The OP states that his father has always been strict because he grew up in a very religious household.

He never had a close bond with his sister, and his mother showed favoritism toward her over the OP.

When he came home from school and found his belongings dumped outside right after coming out, the “family obligation” idea probably didn’t feel very real anymore.

The dynamics of family relationships often come to the forefront in times of loss, as seen in the case of the Redditor who faced rejection from his father after coming out. The article highlights the complexities of grief and how it can intensify existing family tensions. The Redditor’s refusal to attend his father’s funeral underscores a profound emotional conflict. While society often expects individuals to conform to familial obligations, the reality is that personal feelings toward the deceased play a significant role in how one chooses to grieve. This situation illustrates the struggle between honoring familial expectations and remaining true to oneself. The Redditor's experience reflects a broader theme of vulnerability in family relationships, where the need to assert one's identity can clash with the pressure to meet traditional obligations. Ultimately, the decision to attend or not attend a funeral is deeply personal and shaped by past experiences, suggesting that grief is not a one-size-fits-all process.

When the OP came out as gay to his family as a teenager, he returned home from school to find all of his belongings outside.

When the OP turned 18, his grandmother took him in.

Personal values significantly influence how people respond to loss. Individuals may choose to honor their emotional needs over societal expectations during times of mourning.

The choice to skip a funeral can reflect a personal decision to prioritize one's well-being and emotional health rather than conforming to traditional expectations.

The Redditor cut all contact with his parents and sister, finished high school, and went off to college.

Sadly, his grandmother was recently diagnosed with lung cancer, and the OP has been taking care of her ever since.

The favoritism toward his sister and his lack of bond with both his dad and sister made this father-son story feel more like punishment than love.

Social pressure can create additional layers of complexity in grief responses. Societal norms often dictate how individuals should behave during mourning, leading to feelings of guilt or inadequacy when personal feelings conflict with these expectations.

Understanding these societal pressures can empower individuals to make choices that align with their emotional health.

This is similar to the bride refusing to invite a decade-old disputed family friend to her wedding.

When the OP's sister reached out to inform him that their father had passed away, he was understandably taken by surprise.

The OP's grandmother offered to pay for his ticket if he wanted to attend, but he decided he didn't want to go.

Creating a Supportive Environment for Grief

Encouraging open communication about grief can promote a supportive environment within families.

So, he sent a message to his sister explaining that he wouldn't be attending.

Of course, the OP's sister informed their mother, and she contacted the Redditor, calling him names for not wanting to attend his father's funeral.

After his father rejected him for being gay, the funeral stop being a normal moment of mourning and started feeling like a public rewrite of their past.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP should attend his father's funeral regardless of his feelings, or does he have every right not to want to be there?

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

She even reached out to his grandmother to ask her to convince the OP to attend.

Several of the OP's family members have since contacted him, encouraging him to attend the funeral.

Now, the Redditor is wondering if he's the a**hole here.

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/BulbasaurRanch

He stopped being your dad when he shunned you for being gay.

Reddit/Famous_Specialist_44

"Don't subject yourself to that."

Reddit/Super_Selection1522

"Do what feels right for you and have no regrets."

Reddit/RoyallyOakie

NTA.

Reddit/bookworm1398

"Your parents proved their love, which is none."

Reddit/GoreGoddezz

Even with his grandmother’s involvement mentioned as he turned 18, the core issue stayed the same, his dad’s behavior didn’t suddenly become kinder with death.

In the case of the Redditor who faced rejection from his father after coming out at 17, the complexities of grief and family dynamics are brought to the forefront. The refusal to attend his father's funeral highlights how unresolved issues can complicate mourning. This situation underscores the importance of recognizing that grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience; instead, it is deeply influenced by past interactions and emotional wounds.

Moreover, fostering open dialogue about grief within families could pave the way for better understanding and support. In this instance, the Redditor's feelings of detachment from his father may stem from years of emotional distance, illustrating that a lack of communication can hinder the grieving process significantly.

He might be grieving, but he’s not attending a funeral that feels like another rejection.

For another heated family dinner standoff, see the OP demanding grandma’s meat lasagna despite vegan sisters’ discomfort.