Father-In-Law's Inappropriate Behavior: How Should I Address This?

Some families have awkward dinner moments. This one has something far worse, and it’s happening in plain sight. The OP is dealing with a father-in-law who keeps showing up with the same gross, avoidable behavior, even after multiple people have noticed.

It starts at a food festival, when he wears old cargo shorts that expose his testicles when he sits. OP tells her husband, but nothing changes. Then it happens again on a family trip, and OP tries to protect her three-year-old by pulling the kid away. When she confronts him, he giggles, and a brother-in-law admits they’ve been telling him for years, yet he never cares.

And then there’s the PornHub incident, caught in his living room with guests and a toddler sleeping just down the hall.

Original Post

About two years ago at a food festival, my father-in-law wore old cargo shorts that exposed his testicle when he sat down. I noticed, was horrified, and told my husband, but nothing was done.

I assumed it was a one-time accident. This past summer, during a family trip, he wore those same shorts again, and the same thing happened.

I tried to avoid looking but saw it, and I quickly took my three-year-old away. Later, I confronted him, saying he was exposed in those shorts and needed to stop wearing them.

He giggled, and a brother-in-law confirmed they’ve told him for years, but he doesn’t care. They even bought him new shorts, but he refused to throw the old ones away until much later.

He has never apologized. On top of that, about seven months ago, while visiting him, I walked into his living room and caught him on PornHub.

I don’t care if someone watches pornography privately, but doing so in a shared space, with guests in the house and my toddler right in the next room, was completely inappropriate. These two incidents together have left me angry, unsettled, and deeply uncomfortable around him.

I feel violated, disgusted, and worried about my son’s exposure. I don’t usually hold onto anger, but I cannot get over the fact that this was preventable and that my father-in-law showed no concern.

My husband is visiting him this weekend—I don’t even want to go because I still feel unsafe and upset. I dictated this originally and had ChatGPT clean it up for me—honestly, I’m too sleep-deprived with the baby to edit on my own.

But this is exactly how I feel, and it’s very real. What do I do?

I’ve asked my husband to talk to him, but he’s very non-confrontational. On top of all of this, I’ve just remembered he came to visit one time, and we met him while getting my three-year-old into bed for a nap.

Then my father-in-law just laid in bed with the kiddo for almost an hour. It made me so weirded out!

I watched on our baby cam the whole time, and he was just laying there…? I was super pregnant and just hiding in our bedroom because he had sort of surprised us with the visit.

I had the baby two weeks later. What the heck, mamas.

What do I do?

Addressing inappropriate behavior within family dynamics can be challenging.

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OP notices the exposed testicles at the food festival, and the fact that nobody steps in is what sets the tone for everything that follows.

This approach not only clarifies expectations but also reassures both partners of their commitment to each other and their family's well-being.

Additionally, discussing these boundaries with the involved family member can help maintain family harmony. Initiating this conversation with empathy can pave the way for more respectful interactions.

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On the next family trip, the same shorts, the same exposure, and OP dragging her three-year-old away makes the situation feel less like an accident and more like a pattern.

This is similar to a restaurant’s lunch deal switch-up, where the menu promised one thing and delivered another.

In family dynamics, inappropriate behavior can sometimes be a cry for attention or a reflection of unresolved issues.

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When OP confronts him and he giggles, it’s extra chilling because the brother-in-law basically confirms this has been an ongoing issue for years.

This practice not only helps in articulating feelings but also serves as a reference during discussions.

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The PornHub encounter in the living room, with guests in the house and the toddler nearby, is what pushes OP from “uncomfortable” into “I do not feel safe around him.”

The discomfort felt in family gatherings often stems from unresolved tensions or behavioral norms.

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Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

This scenario underscores the profound discomfort and sense of vulnerability that can arise when personal boundaries are overstepped, particularly within the intimate setting of family gatherings. The father-in-law's troubling actions suggest a troubling blend of ignorance and a blatant disregard for established social boundaries, raising concerns about potential underlying issues related to impulse control or more significant psychological challenges. It is imperative that the mother-in-law steps forward to advocate for her family's well-being, as her feelings of anger and violation are not only legitimate but essential for fostering a safe environment for all involved.

Family gatherings can quickly turn from joyful to tense when inappropriate behavior disrupts the atmosphere.

Now OP is wondering if her husband’s non-confrontational approach is the real reason this keeps happening.

For more “that’s not what I ordered” chaos, see the lunch deal that turned into a surprise bill at one restaurant.