Father Sabotages His Daughter to Miss College Application Deadline Because She Didn't Choose the University He Wanted

Every parent wants the best for their child. However, there is a fine line between controlling a child's life and choices and genuinely wanting what is best for them.

Therefore, parents need to be self-critical to distinguish between the two. If they struggle with this, they can always rely on friends and family for unbiased opinions, or, as in this case, on the Reddit community.

The OP, a 51-year-old man, and his ex-wife are parents to three children: two sons aged 15 and 13, and an 18-year-old daughter. Following their separation, they agreed on a 50/50 custody arrangement that was maintained until a recent conflict.

The OP's daughter has stopped communicating with him since the previous summer due to a disagreement regarding her college education. He had set up college funds for his children, with the condition that the funds would be available upon their high school graduation, provided they attended a state university rather than a community college.

He intended to ensure their success by having them obtain degrees from recognized four-year institutions. The conflict arose last spring when his daughter was applying for college financial aid and requested his tax returns.

Upon discovering that she had chosen a local community college, the OP objected, clearly stating his opposition to her choice. The argument escalated, leading him to leave the conversation abruptly, expecting the disagreement to resolve quickly as past conflicts had.

However, the situation worsened when his daughter proceeded with her financial aid application using only her mother's financial information. This process took longer than anticipated, and she missed the enrollment deadline for most universities that fall.

She expressed disappointment in her father's lack of support, leading to a permanent estrangement. Consequently, she found a job and started living with her mother full-time after turning 18.

Reflecting on the situation, after the OP's youngest son expressed that he missed his sister, the OP acknowledges he might have been overly harsh.

The OP asks:

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The OP said his daughter hasn't spoken to him for a year:

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The Role of Parental Expectations

Parental expectations can heavily influence a child's choices and mental well-being. Research from the University of Toronto shows that children who perceive their parents' expectations as unrealistic often experience increased anxiety and lower self-esteem. This pressure can lead to rebellion or avoidance behaviors, particularly when children feel their autonomy is threatened.

In this case, sabotaging a college application may reflect the daughter’s resistance to parental control rather than a lack of ambition.

The OP and his daughter disagreed about her university preference:

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The daughter wanted to apply to a local community college:

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According to developmental psychology experts, the conflict between parental expectations and a child's autonomy can create significant emotional turmoil. Dr. Carol Dweck, a renowned motivation researcher, states, "When parents impose their desires on children without considering their autonomy, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment." Her work emphasizes that autonomy support from parents is crucial for healthy emotional development. When this support is lacking, children may feel trapped, leading to conflict and emotional distress. For more insights, visit Mindset Works.

But the OP wanted her to attend a state university, or he wouldn't give her college funds:

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So, she submitted the forms without his financial information:

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Navigating Parent-Child Relationships

To foster healthier relationships, open communication is essential. Encouraging children to express their goals and desires can help parents understand their perspectives. Research indicates that when parents actively listen to their children's aspirations, it fosters a sense of autonomy and empowerment, which can improve overall family relationships.

Setting aside regular family meetings to discuss aspirations and concerns can create a structured environment for these discussions.

They approved her request, but she wasn't able to begin in the following semester:

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It created a new dispute between her and the OP:

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Additionally, behavioral psychologists recommend employing a collaborative approach to decision-making. Instead of dictating choices, parents can involve their children in the process, allowing them to weigh options and consequences. This strategy can help reduce feelings of resentment and encourage a more cooperative relationship.

Moreover, providing unconditional support regardless of the child's choices can enhance their sense of security and confidence in decision-making.

A year later, the OP started questioning his actions:

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A Redditor said the OP's actions were very wrong

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The Psychological Impact of Sabotage

Sabotaging a child’s future can have long-lasting psychological effects. Research from the University of Michigan highlights how parental sabotage can lead to feelings of worthlessness and anxiety in children. These feelings can persist into adulthood, affecting their relationships and career choices.

Understanding the implications of such actions is crucial for parents who wish to foster healthy, supportive environments for their children.

The OP just forgot about his daughter

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It seems like the OP doesn't care about his daughter

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Redditors were shocked after reading the OP's story. They agreed that the OP was in the wrong for his stance.

They couldn't help but notice that the OP started questioning his actions only after his son said he missed his sister. It seems like the OP completely forgot about his daughter, which is the worst aspect of this story.

The OP is definitely YTA

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He should have supported his daughter's decision

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Another Redditor agreed

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The OP deserved to be cut off from his daughter's life

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The OP sabotaged her

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It's judgmental and controlling

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It's the worst possible thing that a parent could do to a child

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He caused her to miss the entire semester of school

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It's terrible

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Psychological Analysis

This situation reveals the complexities of parental expectations and their impact on children. It's not uncommon for parents to unintentionally impose their desires on their children, leading to resistance. Understanding this dynamic can facilitate healthier conversations and relationships.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, navigating parental expectations and autonomy is critical in fostering healthy relationships. Psychological research consistently shows that open communication and collaboration lead to stronger family bonds. By prioritizing their child's autonomy and aspirations, parents can create a nurturing environment that supports both individual growth and family harmony.