Fiancé Wants Sole Ownership of House: AITAH for Refusing to Pay Mortgage?

In a recent Reddit post, a 29-year-old woman sought advice on whether she was in the wrong for refusing to contribute to the mortgage of a house her fiancé plans to purchase, despite their agreement to buy a home together. The couple, who have been together for a decade and share a child, had been living rent-free with the woman's grandmother, enabling the fiancé to save a significant amount of money.

The woman's fiancé initially agreed to support her education, with the understanding that they were building a life together. However, when discussing purchasing a house, he revealed that only his name would be on the mortgage and deed, denying her any ownership rights.

The woman expressed her concerns about not having a stake in the property if they were to part ways, to which her fiancé insisted she still pay half the mortgage without any claim to the house. This revelation sparked a debate among Reddit users, with many siding with the woman, advising her not to pay for a house she wouldn't own.

Some users pointed out the fiancé's lack of appreciation for the woman's contributions to their family and urged her to reconsider the relationship. The consensus was clear: the woman was not at fault for questioning the fairness of the arrangement and should prioritize her financial security and well-being.

Original Post

For some background, I, 29F, and my fiancé, 30M, have been together for 10 years. We had a baby back in 2020, and I lost my job around the same time.

Our lease for our apartment was up, and my grandma offered for us to move in with her, so we did. We basically had our own little apartment rent-free.

I had thrown the idea of going to school out there, and everyone agreed it was a good idea. My fiancé paid for it, and my grandma watched my baby while I went to class. I graduate this semester (I did part-time for a couple of semesters).

My fiancé has been making $90K a year for the past couple of years and $70K when we first moved in. He’s saved a good amount of money.

We agreed to wait to get married until I finished school and we could buy a house together. We’ve been looking at houses more seriously for the past couple of months and found one we both love.

We started talking to a mortgage broker, and that’s when he dropped the bomb that it would be HIM and ONLY HIM on the mortgage and the deed. He said I wouldn’t have anything to do with it.

I didn’t say anything in the meeting, but afterwards, I told him I thought WE were buying the house together and I’d pay half the mortgage. He said I would be paying half the mortgage, but my name just wouldn’t be on it.

So I told him that would mean I’d have no right to the house, and he said he knew! He said since he saved the 40% down, it’s only fair that he has the rights to the house in case we end things.

I told him if that’s what he wants to do, then I’m not paying for the mortgage. I said this isn’t a partnership, and if he just wants his own place, fine, but I’m not paying for it.

He called me a b*tch, saying that he paid for everything for the past few years, including my schooling. I told him I stayed home and watched our child so we didn’t have to pay for daycare, and that ended up saving us money since I would’ve only been able to work part-time.

He said he didn’t care and I need to pay for half since I already agreed to it. So, Reddit, AITAH for refusing to pay the mortgage?

ETA: Originally, we were supposed to move in with my grandma for a few months while we saved some money for renting a new place. I thought maybe it’d be a good idea to go to school so I’d make more money and we could potentially buy a place.

My grandma said we should stay with her until I finish school so we can save up “for a life together.” My fiancé and I had AGREED that we would be buying a house together.

He paid for the schooling because we were getting MARRIED, and my student loans would’ve been OUR problem, not just mine. He encouraged me to finish my education so we could give our child a better quality of life.

Edit 2: For those of you saying him paying for my schooling would be more expensive than rent, my schooling in TOTAL cost $17,000 across 5 years.

That’s $3,400 a year on average.

The Importance of Financial Transparency in Relationships

Dr. Jessica Brown, a financial therapist, emphasizes that financial transparency is crucial for building trust in relationships.

In this case, the OP's refusal to pay the mortgage may reflect deeper issues of ownership and commitment.

Research indicates that a lack of clarity around financial responsibilities can lead to mistrust and conflict.

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Studies show that individuals often feel vulnerable when discussing finances, especially when it involves shared assets and responsibilities.

In this scenario, the OP's concerns about ownership may indicate a desire for equality and fairness in the relationship.

Understanding these dynamics is vital for fostering healthy communication.

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Navigating Ownership Dynamics in Partnerships

According to research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, ownership dynamics can significantly impact relationship satisfaction.

In this case, the OP's feelings of insecurity around the mortgage may stem from a desire for acknowledgment of their contributions.

Addressing these feelings openly can help mitigate conflict and promote understanding.

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A practical approach might involve establishing clear agreements about financial contributions and ownership responsibilities.

Scheduling regular financial discussions can also foster transparency and reduce misunderstandings.

Additionally, seeking the guidance of a financial counselor can help both partners navigate their financial dynamics more effectively.

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The Emotional Impact of Financial Decisions

Dr. Lisa Green, a clinical psychologist, notes that financial decisions often carry significant emotional weight in relationships.

Research suggests that unresolved conflicts around finances can lead to resentment and insecurity.

Understanding the emotional implications of these decisions is crucial for maintaining relationship health.

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It's also essential for couples to prioritize their emotional well-being by addressing financial anxieties constructively.

Recognizing when financial discussions trigger feelings of inadequacy can help partners foster a more supportive environment.

Ultimately, focusing on shared goals can strengthen the partnership and reduce tension.

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What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation underscores the importance of financial transparency and communication in relationships.

It's vital for both partners to engage in open discussions to clarify expectations around ownership and contributions.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Navigating financial responsibilities and ownership dynamics requires open communication and transparency.

Research consistently shows that addressing emotional implications can enhance relationship satisfaction.

Ultimately, prioritizing mutual understanding can lead to a more harmonious partnership.