Redditor's FIL Bad-Mouths Her And Tells Everyone She's Lazy Because He Believes Real Job Doesn't Have Overnights

Family always has some expectations from their members, especially from in-laws. So, if someone has a life that is not to their liking, they will never hesitate to comment on it.

A Reddit user recently shared her concern about her father-in-law badmouthing her because she works a job that is not to his liking. The OP explained that she works night shifts in a demanding medical profession, which aligns well with her natural nocturnal tendencies, providing her with a sense of ease and reduced stress.

The OP's spouse is a truck driver and is away for the majority of the week, so the OP ensures they spend their days off together. Both of them prefer staying up late during these shared days off.

Following the death of her mother-in-law, her father-in-law sold his belongings and moved closer to them, becoming a regular part of their family gatherings. However, during a Christmas event, the OP's brother informed her that her FIL had been spreading rumors, branding her as lazy for sleeping throughout the day.

Despite working lengthy shifts, ranging from 12 to 24 hours, and aligning her days off with her husband's schedule, the OP finds her sleep schedule misunderstood and underappreciated. Her family members, besides her FIL, started to call her during her sleeping hours to ask her for favors, so she had to remind them that she works at night.

The OP's husband has attempted to clarify the situation to his father and explained the importance of her daily rest due to the night shifts. However, the father-in-law remains unswayed, holding onto his belief that legitimate jobs do not operate overnight.

The OP's husband even told her he would cut him out if she wanted, but the OP believes they should take a different approach since they are FIL's only family. Furthermore, the OP is grappling with how to approach the broader family about the issue, as the father-in-law's misconceptions are beginning to influence their perspectives as well.

The original story:

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The OP explained she works night shifts in a demanding medical profession:

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But, her FIL started to spread rumors about her:

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Understanding Social Perception

Social perception plays a significant role in how we interpret others' behaviors and intentions. The father-in-law's assertion that the Redditor is lazy reflects a common cognitive bias known as the fundamental attribution error, where individuals attribute others' actions to their character rather than situational factors. Research shows that this bias can lead to misunderstandings and conflict in relationships.

Dr. Jennifer Eberhardt from Stanford University notes that when people fail to consider the context behind someone's behavior, they may develop unfounded negative judgments that can damage relationships. In this case, the father-in-law's comments may stem from a lack of understanding of the Redditor's work demands and personal circumstances.

The Impact of Negative Perceptions on Mental Health

Research shows that negative perceptions from family members can have detrimental effects on a person's self-esteem and mental health. When a family member, like a father-in-law, expresses derogatory opinions, it can trigger feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Studies indicate that these negative evaluations can be internalized, leading to a diminished sense of self-worth.

According to research from the American Journal of Psychology, individuals exposed to criticism from significant others are more likely to experience depressive symptoms. This highlights the importance of supportive family environments in fostering mental well-being.

That led to other family members constantly calling her during her sleeping hours:

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The OP's husband tried to talk to his father but to no avail:

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The OP is worried that her FIL's perspective has started to influence her family as well:

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According to studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, individuals are often unaware of how their perceptions are influenced by their prejudices and biases. This lack of awareness can perpetuate harmful stereotypes, especially around gender roles and work ethic. The Redditor's fear that others might buy into this narrative highlights the power of social influence and the importance of countering negative perceptions.

To combat these biases, it can be helpful to engage in conversations that clarify misunderstandings and provide context. This fosters empathy and helps to reframe the narrative towards a more supportive environment.

It's crucial to understand the role of cognitive distortions in how we perceive feedback from others. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) emphasizes identifying and challenging these distortions. For instance, believing one's worth is tied to job title or hours worked can lead to harmful thought patterns.

Encouragingly, individuals can learn to reframe negative feedback by focusing on constructive criticism instead of accepting it as definitive truths about their abilities.

One Redditor suggested a solution from their own experience

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The OP should bring her FIL to work

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It might be the only way for him to understand

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Empowerment Through Communication

Effective communication strategies can help address the negative perceptions held by the father-in-law. Using 'I' statements and expressing personal feelings about the accusations can encourage a more constructive dialogue. For instance, saying, 'I feel undervalued when my work is dismissed' allows the Redditor to express her feelings without sounding confrontational.

According to conflict resolution experts, establishing boundaries and articulating one's worth can help counteract negative narratives. This promotes self-advocacy and reinforces the importance of validating one's own experiences.

Exploring the Roots of Laziness Accusations

The accusation of laziness often stems from societal and cultural beliefs about work ethic. Research shows that these beliefs can be deeply rooted in family values and societal expectations. Individuals from families that prioritize certain job types may hold biases against others that do not fit these ideals.

Furthermore, studies indicate that such perceptions can reflect the accuser's own insecurities about their work performance or life choices. Understanding this can help individuals respond to such accusations more effectively.

"It's annoying so they'll learn to leave you be."

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The OP should call him in the middle of his sleep

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The OP responded:

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Moreover, research shows that sharing one's achievements and challenges openly can reduce misunderstandings. Engaging family members in discussions about work-life balance and the demands of modern jobs can foster greater empathy. This approach can be particularly effective in family dynamics, where assumptions about roles and responsibilities can often lead to conflict.

To counteract the negative impacts of such accusations, individuals can benefit from practicing self-affirmation and seeking constructive feedback from trusted sources. Engaging in open discussions with family members about career choices and their value can also shift perspectives. Additionally, exploring the importance of diverse work experiences can help broaden understanding and acceptance.

A Redditor explained that no one works at night

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Exactly

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"Do not disturb is a fantastic thing on smartphones"

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The Importance of Supportive Communication

Supportive communication within families is critical for healthy relationships. Research in family psychology emphasizes that positive communication can mitigate the impact of negative comments. Families that practice open and empathetic dialogue tend to foster greater emotional resilience among their members.

Encouraging family members to express their feelings and opinions without judgment can lead to a more cohesive family unit. This can be achieved through regular family meetings or discussions where all voices are heard.

Redditor told the OP to point out which profession has to work overnight shifts. They also suggested she could bring him to her work to show him what she does.

However, there was a third solution among the comments that suggested she call him in the middle of his night sleep.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario reflects how deeply ingrained family beliefs can shape perceptions of worth and productivity. The father-in-law's comments likely stem from his own biases and expectations surrounding work. Addressing these issues openly can foster healthier family dynamics and promote understanding.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, negative perceptions from family members can significantly affect mental health and self-esteem. Promoting supportive communication and challenging cognitive distortions can help alleviate such impacts. As noted by psychological research, 'a nurturing environment is essential for individual growth and family cohesion.'

Psychological Analysis

What we're observing here is a classic case of miscommunication fueled by underlying biases. The father-in-law's comments likely stem from a misunderstanding of the Redditor's situation, emphasizing the need for open dialogue to clarify intentions and feelings.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Addressing perceptions and biases within family dynamics is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Research supports the idea that fostering open communication and understanding can significantly improve interpersonal interactions. According to findings in social psychology, creating a safe space for dialogue can lead to more supportive and empathetic family relationships.