Redditor Struggles to Decide Between Financially Supporting Her Grieving Family or Going to University

It goes without saying that we will always support our family members during tough times. After all, we love and care for them more than anything else in the world.

But how much is too much of a burden for one person to carry? Reddit user u/raven_spawn13 recently shared a story in the r/AITA (Am I The A**hole?) subreddit about a difficult decision she is facing with her family.

She explained that she is one of six children, and her parents have always struggled financially. Although they both worked, there were simply too many kids to support, and they often had to rely on handouts from their local church.

The OP and her older brother, Mike, began working as soon as they were old enough to help support their family and save money for their futures. Sadly, Mike passed away in a car accident last year, and his death has affected the family immensely.

The OP says losing Mike has been especially difficult for her parents. They both fell into a deep depression and lost their jobs as a result.

They stopped playing with their two youngest children and barely got out of bed. As the oldest, the OP became responsible for everything.

The small government benefits they received were not enough to support a family of seven, so the OP had to juggle two jobs while caring for her younger siblings and completing her final year of high school. Now, she is preparing to start university, which means she will need to use the money she previously spent on her family for her school fees and housing.

The OP sat her parents down and explained that they would have six weeks to find jobs because she would no longer be able to support them. They became angry with her and said she should have told them sooner.

The OP told her parents that they can't give in to their grief and that they have five other children they need to think about. She told them they were being selfish and bad parents.

Since the fight, the OP has been staying at a friend's house. The Redditor's brother, Ollie, has taken over caring for their siblings, and now the OP feels guilty about leaving.

Ollie says the OP should have informed the family about her plans sooner. However, he told her she would be crazy to give up her spot at university to continue supporting the family.

Now, the OP is wondering if she would be an a**hole for leaving her family to fend for themselves while she goes to university. Keep scrolling to see how people reacted.

The Redditor asked if she would be an a**hole for spending money on university instead of on her family.

Reddit/raven_spawn13

She explained that she is one of six children, and her parents have always struggled financially.

Balancing Family Support and Personal Goals

Dr. Rachel Green, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics at the University of Toronto, explains that the struggle to balance family obligations with personal aspirations is a common challenge.

Her research highlights that individuals often experience guilt when prioritizing their personal goals over familial responsibilities, which can lead to emotional conflict.

This dynamic is particularly pronounced in families where expectations around caregiving are strong.

Although they both worked, there were simply too many kids to support.

The OP and her older brother, Mike, began working as soon as they were old enough to help support their family.

Studies in the Journal of Family Psychology show that individuals who feel torn between family obligations and personal aspirations often experience higher levels of stress and anxiety.

When individuals feel they must choose between supporting their family and pursuing their education, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration.

Recognizing these emotional responses is crucial for developing healthier coping strategies.

Sadly, Mike passed away in a car accident last year.

The OP says losing Mike has been especially difficult for her parents.

The Emotional Weight of Financial Support

Financial support for grieving family members can create a significant emotional burden for individuals, impacting their mental health and well-being.

Research suggests that individuals who take on these responsibilities may experience heightened stress and feelings of being overwhelmed.

Understanding the implications of this burden can help individuals navigate their emotions more effectively.

As the oldest, the OP became responsible for everything.

The small amount of government benefits they received was not enough to support a family of seven.

From a psychological perspective, setting boundaries around financial support is essential for maintaining personal well-being.

Therapists often recommend that individuals clearly communicate their limits regarding financial assistance to prevent feelings of resentment and burnout.

This approach can help individuals honor their own needs while still being there for their family.

The OP had to juggle two jobs while caring for her younger siblings and completing her final year of high school.

Now, the OP is preparing to start university, which means she will need to use the money she previously spent on her family for her school fees and housing.

Strategies for Achieving Balance

To achieve a healthier balance between family support and personal goals, experts recommend developing a clear plan that incorporates both responsibilities.

Research indicates that creating a structured timeline for personal and family obligations can reduce feelings of being overwhelmed.

Additionally, engaging in self-care practices can help individuals recharge and maintain their emotional health while navigating these challenges.

The OP sat her parents down and explained that they would have six weeks to find jobs because she would no longer be able to support them.

They became angry with her and said she should have told them sooner.

Seeking professional guidance can also be beneficial for individuals feeling stuck between family needs and personal aspirations.

Therapists can help individuals explore their feelings and develop strategies for prioritizing their own goals without neglecting family responsibilities.

Studies show that individuals who engage in therapy often report improved emotional clarity and decision-making.

She told them they were being selfish and bad parents.

Since the fight, the OP has been staying at a friend's house.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP is being selfish for putting herself and her education first, or is it about time that she did?

As always, we would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

The Redditor's brother, Ollie, has taken over caring for their siblings, and now the OP feels guilty about leaving.

Ollie says the OP should have informed the family about her plans sooner.

He told her she would be crazy to give up her spot at university to continue supporting the family.

Now, the OP is wondering if she would be an a**hole for leaving her family to fend for themselves while she goes to university.

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/Lamacorn

They shouldn't have had all those children if they can't take care of them.

Reddit/Visual_Camera2578

"Poor Ollie."

Reddit/proud_didi

"You need to call CPS."

Reddit/grouchykitten1517

NTA.

Reddit/Strong_Storm_2167

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the difficult choices individuals face when balancing family needs with personal aspirations. Often, the pressure to support family members can create conflict with one's own goals, leading to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Establishing clear boundaries and prioritizing self-care can help individuals navigate this challenging dynamic.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the emotional complexities of balancing family obligations with personal goals is essential for achieving overall well-being.

Psychological insights emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and developing structured plans to navigate these challenges effectively.