Man Asks If He's The A**hole For Backing Out Of A Trip That Was Only For Groomsmen In A Wedding He's Not In
He was the only man in the friend group who wasn't invited to become a groomsman.
One friend group, one wedding, and one awkward trip plan turned into a full-blown friendship test. For Reddit user AITABusyComputer, the problem was not the wedding itself, it was being the only guy left out when the groomsmen list was set.
He says he got over not being asked to stand in the wedding, but things got messy when the group’s traditional December trip started including the other groomsmen. After deciding to sit this one out, he suddenly found himself on the receiving end of some hurt feelings.
Now the question is whether he is being petty, or just matching the energy he got back. Read on.
OP asks:
AITABusyComputerThey've all been good friends for 19 years now
AITABusyComputerWhen one of the guys announced he was getting married, OP was the only one in the group who wasn't invited to become a groomsman
AITABusyComputer
That kind of exclusion can make even a close friend group feel a little shaky.
This scenario highlights the complex dynamics of friendship and inclusion, particularly in social groups.
Now, the other friends want to invite the other groomsmen to their traditional December yearly trip
AITABusyComputer
Feeling unsure, OP decided not to go on the trip
AITABusyComputer
Now, the other friends are upset
AITABusyComputer
Moreover, psychological studies indicate that perceived exclusion can lead to a range of negative emotional responses.
It's easy to understand why OP would feel upset with his friends. Of course, he'd expect to be up there with one of his best pals.
It would even have been understandable if he had decided not to hang out with them for a while, but he was decent enough not to upset anyone further by telling them. Plus, he also admitted that he got over it pretty quickly.
That suggestion for a trip that is a tradition only with their friend group, though, might have been the final line. Many people in the comments section also think so.
Read the best comments below:
1. They're changing the tradition to a wedding event
murphy2345678
2. It's the best excuse so everything works out for everyone
Apprehensive-hippos
3. Brandon made a choice by excluding OP not only in his decision but in all the other events they attended
EmeraldBlueZen
Another comment says the whole plan was already off track.
Effective communication is essential for navigating feelings of exclusion within friendships.
4. The others were clearly getting too carried away by the "groomsman group" concept
calling_water
But that doesn't mean that concept should take over all their activities for the year
calling_water
5. Anyone with empathy knows that what happened would have hurt OP
vicki_chicki
To address issues of exclusion, friends should engage in active listening and empathy.
OP has even been more understanding than most
vicki_chicki
It could be a great opening for a conversation, though
vicki_chicki
6. The trip is for the entire friend group, not just the groom
Freckled_daywalker
Friends can benefit from establishing inclusive practices within their social circles.
It also echoes the excluded vacation planner who got replaced without notice.
7. They're trying to be the good guys
Potatoscanbeanything
8. It's about wanting to do their traditional trip with friends
ArchyDWolf
Good friends would have understood
ArchyDWolf
9. OP would have been left out of most conversations
hard_tyrant_dinosaur
The way they can't see the problem makes them lousy friends
hard_tyrant_dinosaur
They also don't realize that bringing more people along on the trip can change the dynamic for the coming years
hard_tyrant_dinosaur
It's not even certain if it's what the groom wants
hard_tyrant_dinosaur
The groom might finally realize what's going on
hard_tyrant_dinosaur
10. Good friends would have each other's backs
Babycatcher2023
11. It might be time to reevaluate the friendship
Own-Year1678
12. OP deserves an explanation at least
wittiestphrase
That part seems to be what keeps bothering people the most.
The fact that none of them seem to realize why OP's acting that way is strange
wittiestphrase
But maybe talking it out with the groom might clear things up
wittiestphrase
13. The groom changed the dynamic in the friendship by not asking OP
Asleep_Parfait_676
And it's unfair for them to expect OP to act like nothing happened
Asleep_Parfait_676
14. Their friendship might never be the same again
Mishy162
15. OP could try making it about the expenses
HMS_Slartibartfast
16. The groom got to choose his groomsmen, and OP gets to choose the events he attends
SoapySoap147
17. OP can make excuses, but it's hard to imagine their friendship remaining the same now
RideOnMoa
18. OP has been cordial and respectful and doesn't owe them anything further
sphinx_lynx
19. They should also put themselves in his shoes
fajitagoblin
OP's friends should take a page out of his book
fajitagoblin
20. It's their problem, not OP's
Motor_Business483
Let them be mad
Motor_Business483
As it is, OP's friends don't seem to realize just how hurtful it was and how awkward it would have been for OP to be there on that trip as the only non-groomsman. As one of the comments said, they should put themselves in OP's shoes and see how they would like it.
Then again, it's also a great chance for OP to reevaluate this friendship and where it's going. He might need to think about whether it's worth keeping, too.
What do you think?
In this scenario, the complexities of friendship dynamics are laid bare.
Before you decide what to pay, read about the friend who fought over splitting group trip expenses equally.
