Woman Chooses Surgery Over Best Friend's Birthday, Faces Backlash

It can be difficult for many adults to make new friends or maintain the ones they already have. Priorities such as a job, taking care of one's parents or children, or caring for the elderly may take precedence over friendships.

Changes in your life or interests may have caused a rift between you and your friends. But it doesn't change the fact that having friends can significantly improve your health and well-being.

However, making and keeping friends is not always easy. It's important to recognize the value of social interaction in your life and learn how to create and maintain enduring friendships.

Having supportive friends is everything, as they can encourage you through difficult times and help you enjoy the good moments. In addition to preventing loneliness and isolation, friends also provide necessary companionship.

The OP has a BFF, and they have been friends for 26 years. They have had similar medical issues throughout their lives.

The OP suggested a surgical procedure she had done, and her doctor agreed that it would benefit her too. So she gets scheduled and tells the OP it was scheduled for her birthday.

The OP politely asked her to reschedule for another day, as there was more than enough time to make arrangements for a different day. The OP's friend said she needs her to take care of her after surgery, but that wouldn't happen if it's on her birthday. 

The OP writes

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

OP's BFF gets scheduled and told her it was scheduled for her birthday

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

Prioritizing Self-Care vs. Social Expectations

The decision to prioritize surgery over attending a friend's birthday party reflects a common tension between self-care and social obligations. According to Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and shame, individuals often struggle with guilt when prioritizing their needs over social expectations.

This internal conflict can lead to feelings of inadequacy and fear of judgment from others.

They have an entire itinerary planned for the day

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

And the comments from other Redditors roll in...

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

The action I'm taking to be judged is not being there for my friend on her day of surgery. I feel like an a-hole because I know her personal situation is rough, and she doesn't have a lot of dependable people around. Her mom is sick with two types of cancer and is bedridden from the pain. Her stepdad is never home, and if he is, he's in the basement. Her children have mental health disorders on top of being spoiled, so she has a full plate daily. But her eldest daughter is 15, and I feel like there's no excuse for her daughter not being able to help out. I can be there every day after the 16th, just not on the 16th.

You will need to make other arrangements

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

I'm not available on my birthday

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

Moreover, social psychology research indicates that individuals often internalize societal pressures, leading to a sense of obligation that can conflict with personal needs. Studies show that individuals who struggle to assert their boundaries may experience higher stress and anxiety levels, affecting their overall well-being.

Understanding these dynamics can empower individuals to make choices that align with their values and needs.

Do you choose your surgery day?

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

Prioritizing her need over the OP's

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

Setting Boundaries in Relationships

To navigate these challenges, establishing clear boundaries is essential. Research by Dr. Henry Cloud emphasizes that setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being.

By articulating one's needs and limitations, individuals can foster more supportive and understanding interactions with friends and family.

It's not a life-or-death surgery

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

Plane tickets have been purchased

Reddit/Norse_Witch473

Creating and preserving strong friendships requires work, but a good friendship can also bring comfort and happiness, so the time investment is well worth it. OP's friend expects her to look after her and ditch her family on her birthday, which doesn't make sense.

At the end of it all, the post received an "everyone sucks" verdict. Do share this story with your loved ones to get their own opinions as well.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the common struggle between personal needs and social pressures. It’s vital for individuals to recognize that prioritizing self-care is not selfish, but rather necessary for overall well-being.

Encouraging open dialogues about personal boundaries can help foster understanding in friendships.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the importance of balancing self-care with social expectations is vital for emotional health. Research shows that asserting one’s needs can lead to healthier relationships and greater overall satisfaction.

Ultimately, practicing self-compassion and setting clear boundaries can empower individuals to make choices that align with their values.

Additionally, practicing self-compassion can help alleviate feelings of guilt when prioritizing personal needs. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion leads to greater emotional resilience, allowing individuals to navigate social pressures more effectively.

Engaging in positive self-talk and reminding oneself that self-care is essential can enhance overall well-being.