She Went Out for Halloween Sober — Now Her Friends Are Mad She Wouldn’t Pay for Their Cocktails

A 21-year-old Reddit user decided to spend Halloween night out with her friends — but without drinking. She hadn’t touched alcohol since she was 19, simply because she didn’t like how it made her feel, and she didn’t plan to start again just because of one festive night.

Her friends knew she didn’t drink, but that didn’t stop the usual playful nudging. Every now and then, they’d toss out comments like “Come on, one drink won’t hurt!” and she’d laugh it off, blaming “stomach problems” to keep things civil — not exactly a lie, but not the full story either.

That night, the group hit the bars, and things seemed fine at first. It wasn’t until one friend turned to the group and asked, “What are we having?” that she realized they’d be buying rounds.

Caught off guard, the OP just ordered a tap water — completely free — and figured she’d avoid any awkwardness later. At one point, she did treat herself to a cranberry juice, but she paid for that herself without expecting anyone else to chip in.

After both of her friends had bought a round, they turned to her and said it was her turn. She hesitated, then politely refused, explaining that she hadn’t ordered any alcohol and didn’t think it was fair to pay for pricey cocktails she hadn’t touched.

That didn’t go over well. Her friends immediately said it was fair, arguing that they’d already “bought her a drink” earlier, which she had to remind them was literally just water, something that costs the bar nothing.

The Redditor calmly explained again that she wasn’t drinking, and that she’d already covered her own juice. But they pushed back, insisting that she “should get a round this time” since everyone else had done it.

When she stood her ground and said no, the mood shifted. The first girl sighed, rolled her eyes, and ended up buying the next round herself — but the tension didn’t fade.

The rest of the night, both friends kept throwing out little digs about it. One joked that maybe she was having “money problems” and that it was okay if she “needed help.” Another sarcastically asked if she wanted to “split the next round of water.”

She laughed it off, trying not to ruin the night, but the comments stung. She stayed over at one friend’s place afterward, but couldn’t shake the feeling that the evening had soured.

On the way home the next morning, guilt started creeping in. Maybe she should have just paid for the drinks to keep the peace? After all, they’d all gone out together — wasn’t that part of the deal?

But when she thought about it again, she couldn’t see how it made sense. Why should she drop £20 or more on cocktails she didn’t drink, especially when she hadn’t agreed to do rounds in the first place?

It wasn’t like her friends had been tricked into buying anything, either. Even after she said she wouldn’t be getting a round, they still went ahead and ordered themselves £10 strawberry daiquiris from that bar — and then a mix of shots and mixers later on.

The OP didn’t bail on her share of the fun, just on the drinking part. She’d been there for the dancing, the jokes, the late-night chips — everything except the booze.

Still, she couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Was she being stingy, or were her friends out of line for expecting her to pay for something she didn’t consume?

People online quickly took her side. Many said her friends were being unfair, pointing out that not drinking doesn’t automatically make her part of the alcohol bill. “You’re not a human wallet,” one commenter quipped, “and water isn’t a round.”

Others sympathized with how isolating it can be to say no to drinking in your early 20s. Peer pressure doesn’t always look like a pushy frat party — sometimes it’s just friends using guilt to make you conform.

After both of her friends had bought a round, they turned to her and said it was her turn.

AI-generated image

Here's the original post by Reddit user 'Firm-Requirement4276'.

I (21F) and my friends (both 21F) went out for halloween last night. For some background- I stopped drinking when I was 19 just because I disliked the way it made me feel and i didn't feel comfortable drinking anymore. Because of this I was not planning on drinking last night- and I didn't. My friends do know this but they do sometimes pressure me to drink with them saying 'one drink won't hurt' so I usually tell them I have stomach problems (which isn't a complete lie). I did not realise we were buying rounds of drinks until the first girl asked us what we wanted and I just got a tap water (which is free). I did have a cranberry juice at one point but I paid for it and did not expect either friend to pay for it. Later that night after both girls had bought a round each they asked me to pay. I said no because I did not see it fair that I had to pay for both of their drinks whilst mine was either water or nothing and alcohol is quite expensive especially since it was halloween night. They said it was fair since they had both me a drink which I had to remind them again, water did not cost anything and that I bought myself a juice and did not expect them to pay. They asked me again and said that I should also get a drink this time but I again refused. The first girl who bought the drinks eventually just bought the round and the rest of the night they both kept making snarky, remarks about it, one even asking if I was having money problems at the moment and that it was ok if I needed money help I stayed with one of them for the night and when I left I kept thinking about it and felt a bit bad. I keep thinking that maybe I should've just paid for them since we were all having fun that night together. EDIT: I just want to add the things they wanted specifically were strawberry daiquiri which that night was 10 pounds each- from that bar. the rest of the night they were just getting mixers and/or shots. They also did end up buying the cocktails even after i did not get them so they did not pull a 180 or anything AITA?

Understanding Peer Pressure

Dr. Robert Cialdini, a renowned social psychologist, highlights the profound impact of peer influence on individual decision-making. His research shows that social norms often dictate behavior, compelling individuals to conform even against their better judgment. This is particularly evident during social outings like Halloween, where the desire to fit in can overshadow personal choices.

Cialdini emphasizes that cultivating self-awareness and assertiveness can empower individuals to resist such pressures, allowing them to stay true to their values while navigating social situations.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

Reddit u/GreenerAnonymous

Find new friends.

Reddit u/SnarkyVisage

A clinical psychologist points out that feelings of guilt among friends can often stem from deeper insecurities and unmet needs. These emotions may reflect their discomfort with someone else’s lifestyle choices that challenge their own. Understanding this dynamic can help individuals approach these conversations with empathy rather than defensiveness.

By fostering open dialogue, friends can express their feelings without placing blame, ultimately strengthening their relationships rather than straining them due to differing choices.

They were being drunk idiots.

Reddit u/Swimminginthestorm

You need better friends.

Reddit u/Accomplished_Cod7613

Either switch your friends, or the places you hang out with them.

Reddit u/cheesekurgers

Expert Advice on Healthy Boundaries

Dr. Henry Cloud, a clinical psychologist and author, emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries in friendships. He notes that when individuals prioritize their well-being, it can sometimes lead to discomfort among peers. However, he believes that effective communication about one's choices is crucial.

Cloud recommends using 'I' statements to express feelings and intentions clearly, which can mitigate potential conflict. For instance, saying, 'I prefer not to drink, and I hope you can respect my choices,' can foster understanding and reduce guilt among friends.

Who cares what they think?

Reddit u/johnnyg08

NTA.

Reddit u/Rolling_Beardo

They're projecting their issues with money onto you.

Reddit u/99Fan

A social scientist argues that understanding the psychology behind social gatherings can reveal why individuals feel pressured to conform. Research indicates that environments where alcohol consumption is normalized can amplify feelings of obligation to partake, even among non-drinkers. This can create a sense of alienation for those who choose to abstain.

By educating friends on the psychological dynamics at play, individuals can encourage respectful consideration of diverse lifestyles, promoting acceptance within their social circles.

Your friends are 'Mean Girls'.

Reddit u/bobtheorangecat

Ditch them!

Reddit u/Background-Ratio-714

Real friends wouldn't pressure you to drink.

Reddit u/tonguebasher69

Coping with Social Situations

Dr. Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author, highlights strategies for managing social anxiety in environments where one feels pressured. Techniques such as deep breathing, visualization, and grounding exercises can help individuals maintain composure and confidence, even when faced with peer pressure.

Orloff recommends practicing these techniques before social events to build familiarity. This preparation can empower individuals to assert their choices more effectively, minimizing feelings of guilt or obligation during social outings.

They're not looking out for you.

Reddit u/Remarkable-Cry7123

Why should you buy a round?

Reddit u/1peatfor7

They were gaslighting you.

Reddit u/HighAltitude88008

Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor, emphasizes the role of vulnerability in authentic relationships. She suggests that sharing one’s journey toward sobriety can foster deeper connections with friends, encouraging a supportive atmosphere rather than guilt-inducing comments. Brown argues that vulnerability can lead to greater understanding and acceptance among peers.

By openly discussing her reasons for not drinking, the individual in this scenario could help her friends understand her perspective, ultimately strengthening their bond.

Not your drinks, not your bill.

Reddit u/dtown60

You don't owe them anything.

Reddit u/firehawk2324

By the end of the night, it wasn’t about the money at all — it was about respect. She didn’t expect anyone to pay for her cranberry juice, and all she wanted was the same courtesy in return.

As one person summed it up perfectly: “You’re not the problem for skipping a round — they are for trying to make you drink to earn your place.”

Because at the end of the day, friendship shouldn’t come with a bar tab attached.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights a common psychological dynamic: peer pressure and the need for social acceptance. The friends' guilt-tripping may stem from their discomfort with someone opting out of group norms, like drinking, which can challenge their own choices and create feelings of insecurity. It’s essential to recognize that true friendship should respect individual decisions rather than coerce conformity, and it's okay to stand firm in your boundaries without feeling guilty.

In navigating social pressures, it's crucial to remember that establishing boundaries and communicating openly can foster healthier friendships. Experts like Dr. Cialdini and Dr. Cloud emphasize the importance of assertiveness and self-awareness in resisting peer pressure. As individuals become more comfortable with their choices, they can create environments where diverse lifestyles are respected and celebrated.

Building these skills not only enhances personal well-being but also promotes deeper, more authentic connections with friends and loved ones. By approaching social situations with empathy, individuals can encourage understanding and acceptance among their peers.