Childhood Friendship on Thin Ice After 30-Year-Old's Refusal to Change Her Poor Hygiene and Improve Table Etiquette

A Redditor is in a messy situation after she ditched her childhood friend for her other friends due to her questionable hygiene. OP and her friend, May, are in their early 30s, but May still struggles with her hygiene.

OP stated that May never took her hygiene and appearance seriously. For instance, May boarded a flight without showering after a four-day hike and camping trip.

The people in her row glared at May's muddy appearance but failed to ask for a different seat. May laughed as she recounted this story to a horrified OP.

When OP asked May why she would subject herself and others on the plane to her post-hike appearance and odor, May said she didn't have the time to change and shower. OP acknowledged that it may seem shallow to some, but her friend's hygiene and poor table manners were off-putting.

May chews with her mouth open and lets bits of food fly out. She burps loudly and picks at the food stuck between her teeth using her fingernails.

When OP commented on her table manners, May told her to chill and not take things too seriously. Even grooming and dressing decently seem out of reach for May.

She told OP she wanted to improve her style but dismissed OP's suggestion as too expensive. She has maintained the same bowl-cut hairstyle since they were children.

Her wardrobe consists of tattered old jeans, sneakers, and button-down checked shirts. May considers anything beyond that to be expensive and too much effort.

OP has been eyeing some upscale restaurants and bars. Coincidentally, May brought up checking the same places out with OP.

aeronauticalingrid

OP deliberately didn't mention these establishments to May since she didn't want to go with her.

aeronauticalingrid

The Impact of Hygiene on Relationships

Dr. Karen Thompson, a social psychologist at UCLA, explains that personal hygiene is often linked to social perceptions and interpersonal relationships. Poor hygiene can lead to negative judgments, impacting friendships and social connections.

Individuals who do not maintain hygiene may face social ostracism, which can reinforce feelings of low self-worth and isolation.

When May invited her, OP gave a non-committal "Maybe" and left it at that.

aeronauticalingrid

OP went to those places with her other friends. May saw OP's Instagram story and messaged her about why she blew her off.

aeronauticalingrid

Research in the Journal of Social Psychology indicates that hygiene habits are closely tied to self-esteem and social acceptance. The study reveals that individuals with higher self-regard are more likely to engage in positive hygiene practices.

This connection highlights the importance of addressing personal hygiene in the context of social interactions and relationships.

OP did tell May how she felt about her poor hygiene. OP is allowed to feel tired if each time May just dismisses her concerns and tells her to chill.

BullwinkleJM

OP has done what she can for May. Unless the commenter above wants OP to hose May down, there isn't much else she could do.

aeronauticalingrid

The Role of Communication in Addressing Hygiene Issues

Addressing hygiene concerns can be sensitive, requiring careful communication. Family therapists recommend using 'I-statements' to express concerns without placing blame, fostering an open dialogue.

For example, saying 'I'm concerned about how your hygiene might affect our social interactions' can invite discussion rather than defensiveness.

It's time for OP to be blunt about how she feels regarding her friend's hygiene. If May excuses her habits and plays the victim, distance is advisable.

Even_Enthusiasm7223

If not, would a bit of public humiliation suffice?

ALostAmphibian

Additionally, understanding the underlying reasons for poor hygiene is crucial. A study from the American Journal of Psychology highlights that mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, can significantly impact self-care routines.

Recognizing these factors can help friends support one another more effectively, addressing hygiene in a compassionate manner.

Is May insisting on remaining unkempt to get attention?

Complex-Dog1842

If May insists on maintaining the same habits, she should at least be courteous not to subject a cabin full of people to her smell.

leyavin

If May doesn't change her habits after a serious conversation with OP about her hygiene, then it's time to admit they can no longer be friends. May might think she is too evolved for basic hygiene and table manners, but she needs to prepare for the consequences.

OP hasn't shared any updates since her initial post about May. If OP's friendship means anything to May, she would at least shower before they meet up and stop chewing with her mouth open.

It's one thing to stand on principle and reject sexist beauty standards. It's an entirely different ball game to forgo basic hygiene because you can't be bothered.

harrohamtaro

May can dress in any style she wants. However, when her awful hygiene ruins a flight and numerous dining experiences, a conversation must be had.

alb5357

Practical Solutions for Improving Hygiene

To help individuals improve their hygiene habits, friends can offer support through positive reinforcement and encouragement. Suggesting activities that promote self-care, such as exercise or cooking healthy meals, can lead to improved self-esteem and hygiene practices.

Creating a non-judgmental environment can empower individuals to take steps toward enhancing their personal care routines, ultimately benefiting their relationships.

Another commenter said they wouldn't want to go with May even to a food cart because of her horrific hygiene.

Sweet-Interview5620

It's time for an honest conversation.

Sweet-Interview5620

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the delicate balance between personal hygiene and social relationships. Friends may struggle with how to address these issues without causing offense. It’s essential to approach the topic with empathy and understanding, fostering open communication while encouraging positive change.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, personal hygiene plays a significant role in social acceptance and relationship dynamics. Research suggests that addressing hygiene concerns with sensitivity and understanding can foster healthier interactions. By prioritizing communication and support, individuals can navigate these challenges effectively.