Friends Public Mention of Embarrassing Hobby: AITA for Feeling Ashamed?

AITA for feeling embarrassed by my friend's public references to our text roleplay hobby, unsure if justified or being overly sensitive.

Are you the jerk for feeling embarrassed by your friend's public discussion of your shared hobby? The original poster (27M) and his best friend (27F) have a long history of text role playing and D&D, which they enjoy.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

However, things took a turn when their friend began openly referencing their roleplay plot points in public settings, including their workplace. The OP feels a sense of embarrassment as their friend discusses "the rp" and NPCs around coworkers, making them uncomfortable with the juvenile nature of the hobby at their age.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

Despite not wanting to stop the hobby, the OP struggles with the public exposure of their private pastime. In the thread, users debate whether the OP is justified in feeling embarrassed or if they should embrace their hobby openly.

Some suggest setting boundaries with the friend to keep personal matters private, while others argue that age shouldn't dictate one's enjoyment of nerdy hobbies. The discussion touches on the balance between personal interests and workplace professionalism, highlighting the complexities of sharing niche hobbies in public spaces.

The diverse perspectives showcase the nuances of navigating social norms and individual preferences in different environments.

Original Post

Okay, so I (27M) and my best friend (27F) have been friends since middle school. Something we did back then that never really went away was text rolepay (rp) because we play D&D, it was just a staple of communication in our lives, etc., idk.

It’s a fun hobby, I don’t want to stop, but recently, we’re writing a really interesting plot point rn and she keeps referencing it/bringing it up/talking about it in public around people who aren’t our friends. It’s not the most appropriate subject matter.

We work together, and the kind of place we work at is basically one big room, and it gets quiet, so all our coworkers can hear us. And I get it, I’m doing it so I shouldn’t be ashamed, but I also understand that this is a *very* juvenile pastime and a weird one for someone who’s almost 30 to have.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

I get a sharp twinge of embarrassment every time she mentions “the rp” or “npcs” or asks a plot related question in public, at work, or when people are *clearly* listening, like she wants them to overhear. I’m happy she thinks it’s cool, but it’s not something I’m really keen on letting people, especially essential strangers, know that I do.

ETA: I’m not ashamed of my hobby or whatever, but just like anything you do in private, I want to keep it private. The sentiment of “don’t be ashamed of your hobby” is nice and all, but if your hobby is something like LARP-ing you aren’t always the first to volunteer that icebreaker.

Edit 2: IT. IS NOT.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

AN RPG OR TTRPG. THERE WOULD BE NO ISSUE IF IT WERE LIKE D&D BUT IT’S NOT.

You know those “wolf kids” in school that would be like: “I’m Alpha Rose Lavender Moonshine and I have Ultra Magic Powers” and LARP like that? Okay, it’s that kind of s**t, but we’re adults and it’s just more sophisticated now.

I get it, I get it: “RPGs are totally normal! Totally normal to be a nerd!” THIS ISN’T NORMAL NERD S**T.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

AITA?

Understanding the Psychology of Embarrassment

Feeling embarrassed about a personal hobby being publicly discussed is a common reaction, particularly in professional settings. This anxiety often stems from the fear of social judgment and the desire to maintain a certain image among peers, which can lead to significant stress and discomfort in social interactions.

Research in social psychology indicates that individuals may experience heightened self-consciousness when their private interests are exposed, especially if those interests are often stigmatized. The fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed can cause people to withdraw from sharing their passions, ultimately affecting their sense of self and even their relationships.

It's essential to recognize that this emotional response is valid and shared by many. Understanding that others experience similar feelings can help foster a supportive environment where individuals feel more comfortable expressing their true selves without fear of judgment.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

Comment from u/Theydontlikeitupthem

Comment from u/Theydontlikeitupthem

Comment from u/CasualCrisis83

Comment from u/CasualCrisis83

Stigma plays a significant role in how we perceive our hobbies and interests, particularly those associated with role-playing games. According to sociologist Erving Goffman, stigma arises when individuals fear being labeled or judged negatively by society. This societal pressure can create barriers that prevent individuals from fully enjoying and expressing their passions.

As a result, many people may feel compelled to hide their interests, leading to a sense of isolation or shame. This fear can lead to internalized shame, making it challenging to embrace unique hobbies openly. Understanding this dynamic can help the OP navigate feelings of embarrassment more effectively. By recognizing the roots of stigma, individuals can begin to dismantle these barriers, fostering a more accepting environment for themselves and others who share similar interests.

Ultimately, embracing one's hobbies without fear of judgment can be liberating, allowing for personal growth and connection with like-minded individuals.

Comment from u/quincebush

Comment from u/quincebush

Comment from u/Sleepy_Doge97

Comment from u/Sleepy_Doge97

The Impact of Social Context

When a friend mentions shared hobbies publicly, it can lead to uncomfortable situations that might catch one off guard. Goffman's theory suggests that individuals often strive to manage impressions in social contexts, carefully curating how they present themselves to others. This management of impressions becomes particularly important when personal interests are brought into the limelight without prior consent.

By being aware of how public discourse affects personal relationships, the original poster (OP) might find it easier to communicate boundaries with their friend. Open and honest communication can help clarify their comfort levels regarding public discussions about shared hobbies. It is essential for the OP to express how they feel about such topics being discussed openly, ensuring that both friends can enjoy their shared interests without discomfort or misunderstanding.

Comment from u/TraditionalPeach142

Comment from u/TraditionalPeach142

Comment from u/artemis1860

Comment from u/artemis1860

It's crucial to understand that everyone has different thresholds when it comes to discussing personal interests in public. Personal history, personality traits, and cultural background all influence sensitivity levels, making some individuals more comfortable with open conversations while others may prefer to keep certain topics private.

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology highlights how individual differences can affect reactions to public sharing of information. This research underscores the importance of recognizing that what may seem trivial to one person could be deeply significant to another.

By acknowledging these differences, we can foster empathy in the OP's relationship with their friend. It encourages a more respectful dialogue, allowing both parties to feel valued and understood. This awareness not only strengthens personal connections but also enriches our interactions within diverse social settings.

Comment from u/lycrashampoo

Comment from u/lycrashampoo

Comment from u/Lumpy_Ear2441

Comment from u/Lumpy_Ear2441

Embracing Individuality

Having unique hobbies is perfectly okay and can even enhance life satisfaction in numerous ways. Engaging in activities that resonate with personal interests not only fosters creativity but also contributes to a sense of identity. Psychologist Robert Plutchik's theory of emotion emphasizes the importance of embracing diverse interests as a pathway to emotional well-being, highlighting how varied experiences can enrich our emotional landscape.

By recognizing the value in their role-playing hobby, the original poster (OP) may begin to shift their perspective away from feelings of embarrassment and towards a deeper appreciation for their interests and the friendships that stem from them. This transition can lead to a more fulfilling social life, where connections are built on shared passions. Ultimately, celebrating unique hobbies can enhance both personal joy and social bonds, promoting a more vibrant and satisfying life experience.

Comment from u/Kindly-Accident8437

Comment from u/Kindly-Accident8437

Comment from u/sptfire

Comment from u/sptfire

Open communication is key to resolving feelings of discomfort in friendships. When individuals share their thoughts and emotions openly, it paves the way for deeper connections and enhances mutual understanding. Research by psychologist John Gottman suggests that expressing feelings honestly can lead to stronger relationships, as it allows both parties to address concerns and build empathy towards each other.

In this context, the Original Poster (OP) could take the initiative to engage in a heartfelt conversation with their friend about the feelings that arise during public discussions. By doing so, they can create an environment of trust and support, where both can openly discuss their perspectives without fear of judgment. This approach not only helps in alleviating discomfort but also strengthens the bond between friends, fostering a healthier and more resilient relationship in the long run.

Comment from u/happy_bunny_84

Comment from u/happy_bunny_84

Comment from u/grover71780

Comment from u/grover71780

The Impact of Cultural Perception

To prevent future discomfort regarding hobby discussions, the OP can take a structured approach to address their concerns. Immediate steps include reflecting on personal boundaries regarding public conversations, which can help clarify what topics they feel comfortable engaging in. In the short-term, they could articulate these boundaries to their friend, ensuring that both parties are on the same page and reducing any potential misunderstandings.

Longer-term, the OP could engage in self-affirmation practices to build confidence in their interests, which may involve celebrating their hobbies and recognizing their value. This not only fosters a positive mindset but also creates a supportive environment for both themselves and their friend. By cultivating open communication and mutual respect, the OP can enhance their interactions, making discussions about hobbies enjoyable rather than uncomfortable.

Comment from u/tarmaq

Comment from u/tarmaq

Comment from u/igna92ts

Comment from u/igna92ts

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

Comment from u/grover71780

Comment from u/grover71780

Comment from u/HopefulPlantain5475

Comment from u/HopefulPlantain5475

Comment from u/FatherPeace1

Comment from u/FatherPeace1

Comment from u/ubiquitouskjz

Comment from u/ubiquitouskjz

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, feeling embarrassed when personal hobbies are discussed publicly is a natural response, particularly if those hobbies are often stigmatized or viewed as unconventional by society. This reaction can stem from a fear of judgment or misunderstanding from peers, leading individuals to feel vulnerable about sharing what they genuinely enjoy. Understanding the reasons behind this embarrassment can help the OP navigate their feelings more effectively, allowing them to confront these emotions with greater clarity and self-acceptance.

By fostering open communication and respecting personal boundaries, they can strengthen their friendship while embracing their unique interests. Encouraging a supportive environment where everyone feels free to express their passions without fear of ridicule can lead to deeper connections. Ultimately, celebrating individual quirks can enrich relationships and promote a culture of acceptance, paving the way for more authentic interactions among friends.

Expert Opinion

The OP's embarrassment stems from a fear of negative social evaluation, a principle highlighted in Mark Leary's 'sociometer theory.' This is compounded by the stigma around role-playing games, making him feel judged in a professional setting. Open communication about these feelings, as suggested by John Gottman's research, could help address the situation.
Dr Anvi Patel
Dr Anvi Patel
Psychologist

This piece features AI-generated expert personas. Their perspectives are included for entertainment only.

More articles you might like