Friends Public Mention of Embarrassing Hobby: AITA for Feeling Ashamed?

A 27-year-old guy thought his biggest workplace problem would be the usual stuff, meetings, deadlines, the awkward silence in a shared office. Then his best friend turned their private texting hobby into something strangers could basically overhear.

He and his friend have been doing text roleplay since middle school, and it’s still their comfort zone. But lately, she’s been bringing up their plot, her favorite “npc” talk, and questions about what’s happening next in public, especially at work where everything is one big room and everyone can hear.

He insists he’s not ashamed of the hobby, he just wants it to stay his business, and now he’s wondering if he’s the jerk for feeling embarrassed.

Original Post

Okay, so I (27M) and my best friend (27F) have been friends since middle school. Something we did back then that never really went away was text rolepay (rp) because we play D&D, it was just a staple of communication in our lives, etc., idk.

It’s a fun hobby, I don’t want to stop, but recently, we’re writing a really interesting plot point rn and she keeps referencing it/bringing it up/talking about it in public around people who aren’t our friends. It’s not the most appropriate subject matter.

We work together, and the kind of place we work at is basically one big room, and it gets quiet, so all our coworkers can hear us. And I get it, I’m doing it so I shouldn’t be ashamed, but I also understand that this is a *very* juvenile pastime and a weird one for someone who’s almost 30 to have.

I get a sharp twinge of embarrassment every time she mentions “the rp” or “npcs” or asks a plot related question in public, at work, or when people are *clearly* listening, like she wants them to overhear. I’m happy she thinks it’s cool, but it’s not something I’m really keen on letting people, especially essential strangers, know that I do.

ETA: I’m not ashamed of my hobby or whatever, but just like anything you do in private, I want to keep it private. The sentiment of “don’t be ashamed of your hobby” is nice and all, but if your hobby is something like LARP-ing you aren’t always the first to volunteer that icebreaker.

Edit 2: IT. IS NOT.

AN RPG OR TTRPG. THERE WOULD BE NO ISSUE IF IT WERE LIKE D&D BUT IT’S NOT.

You know those “wolf kids” in school that would be like: “I’m Alpha Rose Lavender Moonshine and I have Ultra Magic Powers” and LARP like that? Okay, it’s that kind of s**t, but we’re adults and it’s just more sophisticated now.

I get it, I get it: “RPGs are totally normal! Totally normal to be a nerd!” THIS ISN’T NORMAL NERD S**T.

AITA?

The situation presented in the article highlights a relatable struggle many face when personal hobbies are thrust into the public eye. The original poster's embarrassment over his friend’s open discussion of their shared interest in text role playing and D&D underscores a deeper societal anxiety about social judgment. This discomfort can be particularly pronounced in professional or mixed social settings where maintaining a certain image is paramount.

When hobbies that are often viewed as niche or stigmatized are exposed, individuals may feel an acute sense of self-consciousness. The original poster's reactions reflect a common fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed, which can lead to withdrawal from sharing one's passions. This not only impacts personal enjoyment but can also strain friendships, as seen in the potential fallout between the poster and his friend.

What this situation illustrates is that feelings of embarrassment are not isolated incidents but rather shared experiences that many navigate. Acknowledging that others also grapple with similar emotions can pave the way for more supportive interactions, allowing individuals to embrace their interests without the looming fear of judgment from peers.

Comment from u/Theydontlikeitupthem

Comment from u/CasualCrisis83

The moment his friend starts dropping “the rp” and “npcs” in front of coworkers, his quiet twinge of embarrassment goes from harmless to impossible to ignore.

Stigma plays a significant role in how we perceive our hobbies and interests, particularly those associated with role-playing games. This societal pressure can create barriers that prevent individuals from fully enjoying and expressing their passions.

As a result, many people may feel compelled to hide their interests, leading to a sense of isolation or shame. This fear can lead to internalized shame, making it challenging to embrace unique hobbies openly. Understanding this dynamic can help the OP navigate feelings of embarrassment more effectively. By recognizing the roots of stigma, individuals can begin to dismantle these barriers, fostering a more accepting environment for themselves and others who share similar interests.

Ultimately, embracing one's hobbies without fear of judgment can be liberating, allowing for personal growth and connection with like-minded individuals.

Comment from u/quincebush

Comment from u/Sleepy_Doge97

When a friend mentions shared hobbies publicly, it can lead to uncomfortable situations that might catch one off guard. Goffman's theory suggests that individuals often strive to manage impressions in social contexts, carefully curating how they present themselves to others. This management of impressions becomes particularly important when personal interests are brought into the limelight without prior consent.

By being aware of how public discourse affects personal relationships, the original poster (OP) might find it easier to communicate boundaries with their friend. Open and honest communication can help clarify their comfort levels regarding public discussions about shared hobbies. It is essential for the OP to express how they feel about such topics being discussed openly, ensuring that both friends can enjoy their shared interests without discomfort or misunderstanding.

Comment from u/TraditionalPeach142

Comment from u/artemis1860

It gets extra awkward because they’re working in that one-room setup where silence means everyone hears everything, including her plot questions from across the space.

It's crucial to understand that everyone has different thresholds when it comes to discussing personal interests in public.

Comment from u/lycrashampoo

Comment from u/Lumpy_Ear2441

Embracing Individuality

Having unique hobbies is perfectly okay and can even enhance life satisfaction in numerous ways. Engaging in activities that resonate with personal interests not only fosters creativity but also contributes to a sense of identity. Psychologist Robert Plutchik's theory of emotion emphasizes the importance of embracing diverse interests as a pathway to emotional well-being, highlighting how varied experiences can enrich our emotional landscape.

By recognizing the value in their role-playing hobby, the original poster (OP) may begin to shift their perspective away from feelings of embarrassment and towards a deeper appreciation for their interests and the friendships that stem from them. This transition can lead to a more fulfilling social life, where connections are built on shared passions. Ultimately, celebrating unique hobbies can enhance both personal joy and social bonds, promoting a more vibrant and satisfying life experience.

This is similar to the woman whose roommate shaved her face with a bikini razor.

Comment from u/Kindly-Accident8437

Comment from u/sptfire

And the edit makes it worse, because it’s not D&D talk at all, it’s that “wolf kids” style LARP-adjacent fantasy, just more “sophisticated” now.

Open communication is key to resolving feelings of discomfort in friendships.

Comment from u/happy_bunny_84

Comment from u/grover71780

To prevent future discomfort regarding hobby discussions, the OP can take a structured approach to address their concerns.

Comment from u/tarmaq

Comment from u/igna92ts

So while she thinks she’s being fun and excited, he’s stuck watching people clearly listen, like she wants them to know his hobby without him volunteering it first.

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

Comment from u/grover71780

Comment from u/HopefulPlantain5475

Comment from u/FatherPeace1

Comment from u/ubiquitouskjz

In summary, feeling embarrassed when personal hobbies are discussed publicly is a natural response, particularly if those hobbies are often stigmatized or viewed as unconventional by society. This reaction can stem from a fear of judgment or misunderstanding from peers, leading individuals to feel vulnerable about sharing what they genuinely enjoy. Understanding the reasons behind this embarrassment can help the OP navigate their feelings more effectively, allowing them to confront these emotions with greater clarity and self-acceptance.

By fostering open communication and respecting personal boundaries, they can strengthen their friendship while embracing their unique interests. Encouraging a supportive environment where everyone feels free to express their passions without fear of ridicule can lead to deeper connections. Ultimately, celebrating individual quirks can enrich relationships and promote a culture of acceptance, paving the way for more authentic interactions among friends.

Now he’s wondering if he’s the problem for wanting his weirdly specific fantasy life to stay private.

Still dealing with awkward boundaries, see the Reddit user who wanted a daylight-saving hour split after getting denied.