Friendship Dilemma: Setting Up Friend on Date, Developing Feelings, and Sabotaging Relationship
"Would I be the AH for setting up my friend on a date, catching feelings, and sabotaging their relationship without their knowledge?"
A 28-year-old guy decided to “play matchmaker” with his close friend, then immediately started acting like the villain in the group chat. He set Alex up with his coworker, Sarah, because he genuinely thought they’d click, and for a minute, it worked.
They hit it off fast, planned a second date, and everything looked fine. Then the OP’s feelings showed up uninvited, and instead of being honest, he did the quiet sabotage thing, steering conversations, planting doubts, and even exaggerating Sarah’s flaws to make Alex hesitate.
Now Sarah is confused, Alex is distancing himself, and the OP is stuck wondering if he crossed a line he can’t uncross.
Original Post
So I'm (28M) and my close friend Alex (26M) has been single for a while. I thought it'd be nice to set him up with my coworker, Sarah (25F), who I thought would be a good match for him.
They hit it off really well and were planning a second date. However, I started realizing I had feelings for Sarah.
I found myself intentionally talking to Alex about unrelated things whenever Sarah came up, subtly planting doubts in his mind about her. At one point, I even exaggerated some flaws I thought she had to Alex, making him rethink pursuing a relationship with her.
I know it's wrong, but I couldn't help the jealousy I felt. Now, Alex has started distancing himself from Sarah, and she's confused about what went wrong.
I feel guilty for sabotaging their potential relationship, especially since it was me who set them up in the first place. But at the same time, the thought of them being together makes me uncomfortable.
So WIBTA for setting my friend up on a date, then developing feelings and sabotaging their date? I honestly don't know if I'm wrong here.
The Complexity of Friendship and Jealousy
This Reddit user's situation highlights a classic dilemma in friendships: when jealousy creeps in, it can cloud judgment. The OP's decision to undermine Alex and Sarah's relationship stems from his unexpected feelings, which raises questions about loyalty. Friendships are often built on trust and support, yet here we see a betrayal that could fracture their bond permanently.
What's fascinating is how many people can relate to this situation. The idea of developing feelings for a friend’s partner isn’t just a plot twist; it’s a common emotional conflict. This is where the line gets blurry between friendship and romantic interest, making readers ponder the ethical implications of such actions.
Comment from u/PizzaLover93
Comment from u/Sunflower_Gal
Comment from u/Gaming_dragon88
After Alex and Sarah hit it off and were planning that second date, the OP’s “just being friends” act starts cracking the moment Sarah’s name comes up.
Why Honesty Matters
The OP’s choice to sabotage rather than confess is where the situation gets particularly murky. It reflects a deeper fear of rejection and vulnerability. Instead of risking the friendship by being upfront about his feelings for Sarah, he resorts to manipulative tactics. This implies a lack of respect for both Alex and Sarah's autonomy.
Readers are likely torn between sympathy for the OP’s predicament and condemnation for his actions. The moral grey area of wanting what one can’t have often leads to messy outcomes, and this story encapsulates that struggle. How do we balance our desires with the impact on those we care about?
Comment from u/Coffee_Addict
Comment from u/Adventure_Seeker
Comment from u/Moonlit_Wolf
That’s when he starts talking to Alex about unrelated stuff, but only when Sarah is in the room, and the goal is clear even if he never says it out loud.
It’s like the OP weighing whether to “play Cupid” between mutual friends with a complicated past, Should I Have Played Cupid? The Consequences of Setting Up Mutual Friends on a Blind Date.
Community Reactions and Divided Opinions
The comment section of this post is where the real debate unfolds. Some users side with the OP, arguing that feelings are uncontrollable and that he’s not completely at fault. Others vehemently disagree, emphasizing that sabotaging a friend's relationship is crossing a line. This divide shows how varied people's perspectives on loyalty and honesty can be.
The fact that friendships can sometimes be tested by romantic feelings makes this discussion even more nuanced. Many commenters share personal anecdotes that mirror this scenario, suggesting it’s a relatable topic that resonates deeply, resulting in a passionate exchange of views.
Comment from u/Bookworm_23
Comment from u/StarryNightSky
Comment from u/Boba_Connoisseur
The jealousy turns into full-on interference when he exaggerates Sarah’s flaws to Alex, basically handing him reasons to back away.
This story illustrates a key aspect of human relationships: the emotional turmoil that arises when love and friendship intersect. The OP's internal conflict is palpable, as he grapples with feelings for Sarah while trying to maintain a friendship with Alex. It’s a precarious balancing act that many can empathize with, as emotions rarely follow a straightforward path.
What complicates matters further is the societal expectation to prioritize friendship over romantic interest. This expectation can lead to self-sabotaging behavior, leaving people in a bind. Readers are left wondering: how can one navigate these emotional waters without harming those they care about?
Comment from u/MountainHiker24
By the time Sarah notices Alex distancing himself, the OP has to watch his own setup implode in real time.
Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
Where Things Stand
This story serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities that arise when friendship and romance collide. The OP's choice to sabotage rather than communicate has sparked a lively debate about ethics in relationships. It begs the question: can true friendship withstand the strain of unrequited feelings, or does jealousy inevitably lead to betrayal? How would you handle a situation where your emotions threaten to upend a valued friendship?
The Bigger Picture
In this tangled situation, the original poster's jealousy toward Alex and Sarah's blossoming relationship reveals how easily emotions can ignite conflict within friendships. His choice to undermine their connection instead of expressing his feelings directly shows a fear of vulnerability and potential rejection. This internal struggle emphasizes the moral complexities of loyalty and desire, leading him down a manipulative path that risks damaging both his friendship and Sarah's feelings. Ultimately, it raises a critical question: how do we navigate our own desires without compromising those we care about?
He didn’t just set them up, he broke the whole thing, and now he’s the one who has to live with the mess.
Wait until you see what this guy did to Alex’s date after catching feelings. Friendship Turned Romance: The Consequences of Setting Up a Friend on a Date
