Bereaved Son Stunned At His Neurodivergent Cousin's Request To Perform A "Candle In The Wind" Interpretative Dance At His Father's Church Funeral

"Am I the a**hole for telling my cousin he can’t do an interpretive dance at my dad’s funeral?" Redditors believe that this title is one of the best they've seen in the subreddit.

Not to be insensitive to the grieving OP, but the Redditors are right. His post is straight out of a TV sitcom.

The OP's father passed away from an illness exacerbated by COVID-19. OP was named executor of his father's estate.

As such, he was left in charge of the funeral arrangements as well. OP included his aunts and uncle in the funeral planning out of courtesy when this mind-boggling suggestion was brought up.

One of OP's aunts said his cousin, who has Asperger's syndrome, wanted to perform an interpretive dance to bid OP's dad farewell.

OP immediately said no. His aunt and cousin might have forgotten, but this funeral is happening at a church.

The services will be officiated by a priest—a man of God who will be mortified by someone's artistic interpretation of "Candle in the Wind."

OP also knows his cousin is a terrible dancer. While he is happy that his cousin found something that brings him joy, showcasing his talents at someone else's funeral is not ideal.

OP's aunt is not happy with his decision. His cousin is also upset that OP is preventing him from saying goodbye to his uncle in his own way.

OP told his cousin that he can dance on his father's grave anytime he wants, but the funeral is off limits

u/Da_Rooster913

Another cousin told OP that their cousin was planning on recording the dance for a YouTube video, which solidified OP's resolve

u/Da_Rooster913

OP believes that what his cousin planned was disrespectful and that his late father would have hated his funeral turning into a show

u/Da_Rooster913

Understanding Grief and Expression

Grief is a profoundly individual experience, and how one chooses to express it can vary widely from person to person. Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, a pioneer in the study of grief, emphasized that there is no 'right' way to mourn. The request for an interpretive dance at a funeral suggests a need for personal expression that may not conform to traditional norms of mourning.

This divergence in expression often stems from differing cultural backgrounds, personal beliefs, and even neurodivergent traits, where sensory and emotional experiences might be processed differently. For some, creative outlets like dance can serve as a therapeutic release, helping to navigate their complex feelings about loss.

It truly is a horrible situation for OP, but it's also so, so ridiculous to anyone who came across his post

cjack68

Even OP's wife couldn't mask her reaction to their cousin's out-of-left-field request

Da_Rooster913

Didn't they at least second-guess how odd an interpretive dance at a funeral might sound to the immediate family?

armoirschmamoir

Psychological research indicates that expressive arts can play a therapeutic role in processing grief. According to studies in the Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, engaging in creative activities can promote emotional healing by facilitating a dialogue between the self and the traumatic experience.

Moreover, this form of expression can allow individuals to connect with others on a deeper emotional level, making the grieving process more communal rather than isolating. By sharing their unique perspectives on loss, individuals can foster empathy and understanding among family members, even in unconventional ways.

Did they just think, "Oh, that's a wonderful idea, honey!" and go along with their day?

DutyValuable

OP needs to be on the lookout in case his aunt and cousin ignore his wishes and perform anyway

Skye_Reading

An interpretive dance is bad enough, but flailing about to "Candle in the Wind" is just laughably distasteful

lifetooshort4bs

Navigating Family Dynamics During Grief

Family dynamics can become particularly strained during times of loss, as each member copes in their own way. Research from the University of Michigan highlights that misunderstandings about grieving styles can lead to conflict and resentment among relatives.

In this case, the cousin's request may be perceived as inconsiderate or out of place, yet it could represent an essential coping mechanism for him. It’s important for families to maintain open lines of communication about their feelings and approaches to grieving, allowing space for different expressions of sorrow while still honoring the deceased.

At least his cousin's self-centeredness is helping OP find humor during a challenging time

Da_Rooster913

Is it terrible that there is a teeny-tiny part of me that wants to see him dance? Maybe not at the funeral, but after it.

Da_Rooster913, mysticalmac99

Apparently, an interpretive dance at a funeral is not as rare as we thought

Reddit

To navigate such complex family dynamics, it can be beneficial to establish clear communication channels. Families might consider setting aside time for discussions about grief and what each member needs, which can foster a sense of unity despite differing expressions of mourning. This aligns with findings from the American Psychological Association, indicating that healthy communication can mitigate misunderstandings and foster collective healing.

Additionally, seeking the support of a family therapist can provide a neutral ground for discussing these sensitive topics, helping families to understand each other's coping mechanisms better and reduce tension during an already challenging time.

It may be a "thing" now, but it's still disrespectful, especially if it goes against the wishes of the deceased and their family

Reddit

The overall takeaway is that OP's cousin could be hiding behind his neurodivergence to make himself the center of attention

HannahCatsMeow

The moment that OP said no to their suggestion, they should have accepted it. They're lucky they even got to suggest it.

I so want to be in the room while mother and son were discussing his "Candle in the Wind" idea. Did he rehearse it at all?

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complex interplay between individual expression and family expectations during grief. The request for an interpretive dance, while unconventional, may reflect a deeper need for personal connection to the loss. Navigating these dynamics requires compassion and understanding, as emotional responses can often clash in stressful situations like a funeral.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the diverse ways people express grief is essential to fostering empathy within families during difficult times. Dr. Kübler-Ross’s work reminds us that each journey through grief is unique, and creating an environment that respects different mourning styles can lead to healing. By engaging in open dialogue, families can better support one another through the grieving process, ultimately honoring the memory of their loved ones in ways that feel meaningful to each individual.