Lady Gets More Than What She Bargained For After Deciding Not To Attend Family Member's Funeral
"I plan on going even though she is not invited."
Death – we shudder at the thought of it. It brings us to tears and instills fear in us.
Funerals are next in line, as they entail emotional gatherings where friends, family, and coworkers can say their last goodbyes to the deceased. It can be challenging for many people to know how to act, what to wear, and what to say when attending a funeral.
This is because it comes with its own set of norms, traditions, and societal standards, especially regarding the immediate family. Most people will probably attend a funeral at least once in their lives, so it's critical to know what behavior is appropriate and expected.
OP's sister knew very well what was expected of her, but she chose to do things her way. You see, OP's biological family is quite dysfunctional, so she and her sister became close to one of their friends, Beth.
Beth's family essentially adopted them, and they were OP's rock during difficult times with their own parents. When Beth's dad passed away, it was a tough time for everyone.
The OP also mentioned that funerals are a significant event in Beth's family. OP's sister has a fear of the dead, so she refuses to attend the funeral, but that decision cost her more than she bargained for.
The full story lies below, and you can check it out as you keep scrolling down.
The OP Kicks Off Her Story
Reddit/PeaDramatic3407Beth's Dad Passed Away, and It Was a Tough Time for Everyone
Reddit/PeaDramatic3407Understanding the Grief Response
Dr. Emily Carter, a clinical psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, highlights that grief can manifest in various forms, often influenced by personal histories and relational dynamics.
Research indicates that avoiding significant emotional events, such as funerals, can lead to feelings of guilt and isolation, especially within family contexts.
It's crucial to recognize that each person's grieving process is unique, and decisions regarding attendance at funerals can be deeply personal and complex.
The OP and Her Sister Got Into an Argument, and She Thinks the OP Is a Huge Jerk for Going
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The Reddit Post Received Hundreds of Comments, and Here Are Some of the Most Upvoted Ones
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OP Has Offered the Following Explanation for Why They Think They Might Be the AH:
AITA for going to a “family” event that my sister was not invited to after she bailed on a funeral? I may be a jerk since I am still going to the event even though she is not invited.From a Redditor Who Has a Crippling Fear of Death and Funerals
Reddit/PeaDramatic3407
It Was the Bare Minimum OP's Sister Could Have Done
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The emotional fallout from choosing not to attend a funeral can compound feelings of regret and anxiety, as the individual may grapple with their decision long after the event.
According to studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, emotional avoidance can lead to longer-lasting psychological distress.
Understanding the reasons behind such decisions can help individuals navigate their feelings more effectively.
She Was an Emotional Wreck, and She Really Struggles with Funerals
Reddit/PeaDramatic3407
Her Fear Should Not Be More Important Than the People Who Treated Her as Family
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Social Dynamics and Family Expectations
Family systems theory posits that family dynamics can significantly shape individual behavior and decision-making processes.
When a member chooses to opt out of a family ritual, such as a funeral, it can trigger responses from other family members, often rooted in their own unresolved grief or expectations.
Research shows that these dynamics can lead to conflict and feelings of betrayal, underscoring the importance of open communication in family relationships.
It's Unfair to Expect the OP to Damage Her Own Relationship with the Family
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She Should Have Been an Adult and Come to Explain Things to Them
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Being at a funeral is never easy because your level of grief and sadness may vary depending on your relationship with the departed. Saying your final goodbyes to your loved one and finding closure can both be accomplished at the funeral.
Some Redditors understood why OP's sister couldn't come to the funeral, but at the same time, she could have compromised because the deceased was practically family. The OP was declared not the AH, and that's a wrap.
This Isn't About Taking Sides Because the Conflict Is Between Them
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Psychological Analysis
This situation reflects common patterns in familial relationships where grief can exacerbate existing tensions.
Understanding the motivations behind attendance can illuminate deeper emotional needs and conflicts, highlighting the need for empathy in these moments.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Ultimately, understanding the emotional complexities surrounding grief and family expectations is vital for personal well-being.
As noted by Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, "Grief is a complex, multifaceted emotion that can be better navigated in a supportive environment." Processing grief in such contexts can enhance relationships and personal healing.
Furthermore, Dr. Brené Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability, emphasizes that "recognizing the value of communication and emotional honesty is essential for fostering healthier family dynamics." This approach can pave the way for improved relationships moving forward.
To manage family tensions that arise from such situations, psychologists recommend engaging in honest discussions about feelings and motivations.
Establishing boundaries is essential; individuals should feel empowered to articulate their needs while respecting others' feelings.
Practices like family therapy can offer a structured environment for addressing these conflicts and fostering understanding.
