GF Vents On Reddit Because BF's Mom Is Making Her Deliver A Sandwich To Him Every Day To Make Him Stop Buying Junk Food

We spend at least four decades of our lives in the workforce. We do our part in society and ideally retire in our 60s to enjoy the time we have left doing whatever we want to do.

Looking for a purpose outside of our careers is a challenge for many people. We dedicate most of our time to work, and having that routine suddenly disrupted is a change that not many of us are prepared for.

This 31-year-old is far from done with her career, but she's having issues with her retired future mother-in-law. Her son, OP's boyfriend, is dedicated to his career.

OP says he forgets to have a proper lunch most days and ends up eating unhealthy meals from fast-food restaurants. His mom doesn't think he should be eating fast food at all.

OP agrees as well, but she knows her boyfriend is an adult who can choose what kind of diet is appropriate for him. She sometimes delivers homemade meals to him at work when her schedule permits to ensure he eats something.

He occasionally comes home to have lunch with OP since his office is close to their home, but that isn't always possible. Besides, he is not that concerned about where his food comes from as long as he eats something.

His mom doesn't agree and reminds OP that her son shouldn't be eating fast-food junk at all

u/ASilentLibrarian

While OP would like to deliver homemade food for him every day, it takes too much time out of her schedule.

Preparing his lunch, delivering it to his office, swinging by Starbucks on her way back for her mother-in-law, as well as the grocery store, takes two hours out of OP's day. It's simply too much work when she's already responsible for 90% of their home's upkeep on top of her full-time job.

u/ASilentLibrarian

OP thinks her MIL is overcompensating because she rarely cooked for her son when he was growing up, which continues to this day

u/ASilentLibrarian

Understanding Boundaries in Relationships

Dr. Emily Roberts, a clinical psychologist at UCLA, emphasizes the importance of establishing personal boundaries as a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships.

According to her research, boundaries help individuals define their own emotional space, allowing for healthier interactions and reducing the risk of resentment.

Without clear boundaries, one partner may inadvertently take on excessive emotional labor, creating an imbalance that can lead to stress and conflict.

Understanding Boundaries in Relationships

Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of healthy relationships, as pointed out by clinical psychologist Dr. Judith Orloff. Her research illustrates that boundaries help individuals maintain their sense of self while fostering mutual respect and understanding.

When one partner takes on roles that lead to resentment, such as delivering sandwiches to appease another's habits, it can create an imbalance that is detrimental to both parties. This imbalance often stems from a lack of clear communication and an understanding of personal needs.

Her MIL's solution is to make a sandwich for her son every day and expect OP to deliver it for her

OP thinks her mother-in-law should do this herself since she is retired, but that hasn't happened so far. She believes her mother-in-law is enjoying having OP run errands for her, and delivering the sandwich is just secondary.

u/ASilentLibrarian

OP thinks her BF is more than capable of figuring out a lunch for himself while he's working. If her MIL really wants her son to eat healthily, they are more than welcome to discuss it between the two of them without involving OP.

u/ASilentLibrarian

They're all old enough and more than capable of making their own sandwiches

swishystrawberry, ASilentLibrarian

A social psychologist explains that when one partner feels obligated to fulfill another's needs, it often reflects deeper issues of codependency.

Studies show that codependency can undermine individual autonomy, leading to feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction, particularly if one partner feels their own needs are unmet.

Recognizing these dynamics is crucial in addressing underlying patterns that perpetuate unhealthy roles in the relationship.

Studies show that failing to establish personal boundaries can lead to feelings of overwhelm and burnout. According to a survey published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, individuals who fail to assert their boundaries often report higher levels of anxiety and dissatisfaction in their relationships.

It's vital for individuals to recognize their limits and communicate them effectively, as this can lead to healthier interactions and decreased stress.

If you focus on the sandwich issue alone, they all come off looking very immature, but this is more than just about the sandwich

swishystrawberry

Even if they all live in one house, they shouldn't be forcing each other to drive across town just to deliver lunch to a 40-year-old man. Note: the commenter meant infantilize, not infanticide

FukYurMorals3

It's difficult to assert your boundaries, but if OP really wants this to stop happening, she has to reinforce those boundaries.

ASilentLibrarian

The Role of Communication in Setting Limits

Effective communication is vital when discussing boundaries, particularly in romantic relationships.

Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology highlights that open discussions about expectations can significantly improve relationship satisfaction.

When partners articulate their needs and limitations clearly, it fosters mutual respect and understanding, which are essential for a healthy partnership.

The Role of Communication in Relationship Dynamics

Effective communication is essential for navigating relationship challenges. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, emphasizes that couples who engage in open dialogue about their needs and desires tend to have stronger, more resilient relationships.

His research reveals that couples who use 'I' statements and express their feelings without blame are more likely to reach resolutions that satisfy both partners.

It looks like they don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. It's a good idea to put off any plans of having kids until they settle all of these problems.

AndSoItGoes24, ASilentLibrarian

That is the easiest solution. Why can't her MIL do it? Is she trying to prove that she can order OP around?

hBoBh, ASilentLibrarian

Maybe it is a power trip

hBoBh, ASilentLibrarian

Behavioral psychologists note that establishing boundaries is not just about saying 'no,' but also about fostering a culture of respect within the relationship.

According to research published by the American Psychological Association, clear boundaries can lead to increased emotional intimacy, as both partners feel safer to express their authentic selves.

This safety is crucial for long-term relationship health, reducing the likelihood of resentment and conflict.

Furthermore, the concept of emotional intelligence plays a significant role here. According to research by Dr. Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence encompasses self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.

Those who cultivate emotional intelligence can navigate complex relational dynamics more effectively, ensuring that both partners feel heard and valued.

What's the BF's opinion in all of this?

Est666

OP says her BF is too tired after work to prepare his lunch for the next day. The hour he spends with his mom could be spent at the kitchen counter while they pack his sandwiches for the next day.

ASilentLibrarian

At the very least, they should communicate how they feel to each other and figure out a way to move forward.

Est666, ASilentLibrarian

Strategies for Managing External Pressure

When external family pressures arise, it’s essential for couples to unite and create a joint strategy.

Research in couple's therapy suggests that addressing outside influences as a team can strengthen the partnership and improve problem-solving skills.

One effective strategy is to set a united front with family members, where both partners communicate their shared values and boundaries clearly.

Practical Steps for Establishing Healthy Boundaries

To establish healthier boundaries, individuals can start by identifying their personal limits. Dr. Brené Brown's work on vulnerability highlights the importance of understanding what we are comfortable with and what we are not.

Writing down personal boundaries and practicing assertive communication can help in voicing these needs effectively, leading to more fulfilling interactions.

That's all there is to it really... set up boundaries and stick to them no matter what

MaxBax_LArch

There are other ways that are more convenient for all of them, but they should sit down and talk.

Slow-Bumblebee-8609

It looks like they found a great solution that works for all of them!

ASilentLibrarian

Psychologists recommend setting specific times to reassess boundaries to ensure they remain relevant and effective.

This process can involve regular check-ins where both partners discuss their feelings and any adjustments needed.

Such proactive communication not only strengthens the relationship but also enhances individual well-being, as it encourages both partners to express their evolving needs.

Additionally, considering the role of self-care is essential. Research suggests that individuals who prioritize self-care and their own needs are more capable of maintaining healthy relationships. Engaging in regular self-reflection can help individuals understand their emotional triggers and improve their communication with partners.

Ultimately, by fostering a culture of respect and understanding, both partners can thrive while navigating the complexities of their relationship.

Letting feelings like these fester can cause a lot of problems in any relationship in the long run. They at least caught the problems on time and found a way to make things easier for all of them — we probably shouldn't expect any updates from OP, at least on the sandwich conundrum.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates a common relational dynamic where one partner's needs overshadow the other's. It's crucial for partners to engage in dialogue about their expectations to avoid feelings of resentment and overwhelm.

Encouraging open communication about boundaries can significantly enhance relationship satisfaction and emotional connection.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, establishing boundaries is not just about saying 'no'—it's about fostering a space where both partners feel safe and valued. Research consistently underscores that healthy boundaries lead to better relational satisfaction and emotional well-being.

By prioritizing open communication and self-awareness, individuals can create more balanced relationships that honor both partners' needs and desires.

Ultimately, establishing and maintaining boundaries is an ongoing process that requires patience and understanding.

It’s essential for both partners to be willing to engage in difficult conversations and to be open to feedback.

By committing to this process, couples can foster deeper connections and create a more balanced and supportive relationship dynamic.

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research consistently underscores the significance of boundaries in promoting healthy relationships.

According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, "Healthy boundaries are essential for both partners to feel safe and respected in a relationship." Understanding the balance between personal needs and the needs of the relationship is crucial for long-term satisfaction, as emphasized by Dr. Eli Finkel, a relationship researcher, who notes that "boundaries help partners navigate their individual desires while fostering a supportive environment." Ultimately, healthy boundaries are not about building walls but about creating a safe space for both partners to thrive.