GF Vents On Reddit Because BF's Mom Is Making Her Deliver A Sandwich To Him Every Day To Make Him Stop Buying Junk Food
"One word: Boundaries. You need some. DESPERATELY."
A 28-year-old woman ended up on Reddit because her boyfriend’s mom decided “fixing his junk food” required her daily involvement. And not in a cute, supportive way. In a deliver-a-sandwich-every-day, run-errands-around-town, somehow-also-do-their-weekly-groceries kind of way.
OP says her boyfriend’s mom wants him to stop buying fast food, but she refuses to take on the work herself. So she makes a sandwich every day and expects OP to prepare it, drop it at his office, and somehow squeeze in Starbucks for her mother-in-law and a grocery stop on the way back. OP is already juggling a full-time job and doing most of the household upkeep, so this turns into two hours of extra labor she never agreed to.
Now OP is stuck wondering if she’s being used as the family’s personal food courier, and if her boyfriend is backing her up at all.
His mom doesn't agree and reminds OP that her son shouldn't be eating fast-food junk at all
u/ASilentLibrarianWhile OP would like to deliver homemade food for him every day, it takes too much time out of her schedule.
Preparing his lunch, delivering it to his office, swinging by Starbucks on her way back for her mother-in-law, as well as the grocery store, takes two hours out of OP's day. It's simply too much work when she's already responsible for 90% of their home's upkeep on top of her full-time job.
u/ASilentLibrarianOP thinks her MIL is overcompensating because she rarely cooked for her son when he was growing up, which continues to this day
u/ASilentLibrarian
The situation presented in the article highlights the critical importance of personal boundaries in relationships.
When one partner takes on roles that lead to resentment, such as delivering sandwiches to appease another's habits, it can create an imbalance that is detrimental to both parties.
Her MIL's solution is to make a sandwich for her son every day and expect OP to deliver it for her
OP thinks her mother-in-law should do this herself since she is retired, but that hasn't happened so far. She believes her mother-in-law is enjoying having OP run errands for her, and delivering the sandwich is just secondary.
u/ASilentLibrarian
OP thinks her BF is more than capable of figuring out a lunch for himself while he's working. If her MIL really wants her son to eat healthily, they are more than welcome to discuss it between the two of them without involving OP.
u/ASilentLibrarian
They're all old enough and more than capable of making their own sandwiches
swishystrawberry, ASilentLibrarian
OP explains that while she’d rather bring homemade meals, the whole routine, plus the office drop-off and Starbucks detour, eats up two hours that she does not have to spare.
A social psychologist explains that when one partner feels obligated to fulfill another's needs, it often reflects deeper issues of codependency.
Studies show that codependency can undermine individual autonomy, leading to feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction, particularly if one partner feels their own needs are unmet.
Recognizing these dynamics is crucial in addressing underlying patterns that perpetuate unhealthy roles in the relationship.
Studies show that failing to establish personal boundaries can lead to feelings of overwhelm and burnout.
If you focus on the sandwich issue alone, they all come off looking very immature, but this is more than just about the sandwich
swishystrawberry
Even if they all live in one house, they shouldn't be forcing each other to drive across town just to deliver lunch to a 40-year-old man. Note: the commenter meant infantilize, not infanticide
FukYurMorals3
It's difficult to assert your boundaries, but if OP really wants this to stop happening, she has to reinforce those boundaries.
ASilentLibrarian
That’s when her boyfriend’s mom pushes back and basically reminds OP that her son shouldn’t be eating fast food in the first place.
Effective communication is vital when discussing boundaries, particularly in romantic relationships.
It echoes the Emily versus OP clash over whether to feed a dog raw meals, or stick with commercial food, see Friends Extreme Pet Care Advice: AITA for Choosing Commercial Dog Food Over Raw Diet?.
Effective communication emerges as a critical theme in the dilemma faced by the girlfriend who feels pressured to deliver sandwiches to her boyfriend daily. The situation reflects a broader issue within relationships where open dialogue about needs and expectations is paramount. The girlfriend's frustration suggests a communication breakdown, particularly regarding her autonomy and the influence of her boyfriend's mother.
When partners express their feelings using 'I' statements, rather than resorting to blame, they create an environment conducive to resolution. In this case, the girlfriend might benefit from articulating her discomfort with the demands placed upon her, which could pave the way for a healthier discussion about boundaries and mutual responsibilities in their relationship.
It looks like they don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. It's a good idea to put off any plans of having kids until they settle all of these problems.
AndSoItGoes24, ASilentLibrarian
That is the easiest solution. Why can't her MIL do it? Is she trying to prove that she can order OP around?
hBoBh, ASilentLibrarian
Maybe it is a power trip
hBoBh, ASilentLibrarian
OP tries to point out the obvious, her mother-in-law is retired and could handle the sandwich delivery herself, but the errands keep landing on OP anyway.
This safety is crucial for long-term relationship health, reducing the likelihood of resentment and conflict.
What's the BF's opinion in all of this?
Est666
OP says her BF is too tired after work to prepare his lunch for the next day. The hour he spends with his mom could be spent at the kitchen counter while they pack his sandwiches for the next day.
ASilentLibrarian
At the very least, they should communicate how they feel to each other and figure out a way to move forward.
Est666, ASilentLibrarian
Strategies for Managing External Pressure
When external family pressures arise, it’s essential for couples to unite and create a joint strategy.
Research in couple's therapy suggests that addressing outside influences as a team can strengthen the partnership and improve problem-solving skills.
One effective strategy is to set a united front with family members, where both partners communicate their shared values and boundaries clearly.
Practical Steps for Establishing Healthy Boundaries
To establish healthier boundaries, individuals can start by identifying their personal limits.
Writing down personal boundaries and practicing assertive communication can help in voicing these needs effectively, leading to more fulfilling interactions.
That's all there is to it really... set up boundaries and stick to them no matter what
MaxBax_LArch
There are other ways that are more convenient for all of them, but they should sit down and talk.
Slow-Bumblebee-8609
It looks like they found a great solution that works for all of them!
ASilentLibrarian
And the real tension hits when OP says her boyfriend is old enough to figure out lunch for himself without OP being recruited into his mom’s plan.
Psychologists recommend setting specific times to reassess boundaries to ensure they remain relevant and effective.
Additionally, considering the role of self-care is essential.
Letting feelings like these fester can cause a lot of problems in any relationship in the long run. They at least caught the problems on time and found a way to make things easier for all of them — we probably shouldn't expect any updates from OP, at least on the sandwich conundrum.
In this scenario, the issue of boundaries comes to the forefront as the girlfriend grapples with the expectations placed on her by her boyfriend's mother. This situation highlights the importance of creating a space where both partners feel respected and valued. The article notes that the girlfriend's reluctance to deliver a sandwich daily stems from her desire for autonomy, which is crucial in any healthy relationship.
By emphasizing the need for open communication, the girlfriend could articulate her feelings about the pressure from her boyfriend's mother. This could lead to a more equitable dynamic where both partners' needs are acknowledged, ultimately fostering a relationship that thrives on mutual respect and understanding.
Ultimately, establishing and maintaining boundaries is an ongoing process that requires patience and understanding.
The situation described in the article highlights the critical need for establishing boundaries in relationships. The girlfriend's frustration over being tasked with delivering a sandwich to her boyfriend daily, as a way to curb his junk food habit, speaks volumes about the dynamics at play. This expectation not only places an undue burden on her but also signals a lack of mutual respect for personal autonomy. It's vital that both partners recognize their individual needs while maintaining a healthy relationship. The imbalance in this scenario suggests that the girlfriend's needs are being overlooked, raising questions about the long-term viability of such a relationship. Ultimately, the essence of a successful partnership lies in creating a safe space where both individuals feel valued and respected, rather than one partner assuming the caretaker role for another's habits.
Nobody wants to be the household’s unpaid delivery service, especially when it’s happening every single day.
That “secret family recipe” standoff with your boyfriend’s mom, gets messy fast, read it here: Should I Share My Secret Family Recipe with Boyfriends Mom?
