Man Asks If It Would Be Wrong To Attend Funeral Of A Girl He Helped Become Heroine Addict

A 28-year-old woman refused to stay “just a victim” once she got sober, and the man who helped push her toward that life now can’t stop replaying his past. OP says he’s been clean for three years, but the ghost of his old choices still follows him around every time he thinks about Marcy and how everything went sideways.

Now Marcy is gone, and OP is staring at the one place he feels like he should be, the funeral. He wants to pay respects, he wants to say goodbye, but he also worries it could reopen old wounds, especially if Marcy’s family knows what role he played in her addiction story.

Here’s the part that makes it messy: he isn’t just asking, he’s bargaining with guilt, and Marcy’s family might feel it as a fresh kind of harm.

OP asks:

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OP has been clean for 3 years. But his history still haunts him

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He wants to attend the funeral and pay his respects, but wonders if it would cause more harm

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OP’s three-year sobriety doesn’t erase the fact that he helped Marcy become a heroine, at least in the way people like to tell the story, and that’s exactly what makes this funeral feel so loaded.

Exploring Guilt in Relationships

The issue of guilt, especially in the context of significant relationships, often stems from deeply rooted emotional conflicts. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology highlights how individuals can internalize their perceived failures in relationships, leading to debilitating feelings of guilt that can affect mental well-being. In this case, the man feels responsible for the girl's addiction, which might indicate unresolved feelings about his role in her life and choices.

This guilt can manifest as a desire for redemption, pushing individuals to re-evaluate their past actions and their impact on others, especially during moments of significant loss.

Not a-hole for wanting to go, but...

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"The family's feelings matter significantly more than your feelings."

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OP wants to go just to appease a guilty conscience

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OP should let the family mourn

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It would hurt the family even more

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This Redditor shared their painful experience:

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The whole question becomes less about “can he go” and more about whether Marcy’s family will see him as closure or as a trigger, depending on what they already know.

This echoes the dilemma of refusing to lend money to a friend in a financial crisis, after past overspending habits.

One Redditor’s painful takeaway hangs over the post, because seeing OP show up can feel like reopening the same wound Marcy’s goodbye is supposed to close.

Delving into the concept of personal responsibility can further clarify emotional responses to guilt. Understanding this distinction can help the individual navigate feelings of guilt more effectively and take appropriate steps toward healing.

In this case, reflecting on the nature of his relationship with the girl, along with his perceived responsibility, might help the man determine whether attending the funeral would serve as a means of closure or merely deepen his existing guilt.

The bottom line is:

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And that’s why OP’s guilt, even if it’s real, might still land like salt in the open at Marcy’s funeral, right when her family is trying to mourn in peace.

Wanting to say goodbye at her funeral makes sense—he's grappling with guilt and is looking for some closure.

But when we think about Marcy's family and how they might feel, it's probably not the best idea for OP to be there. If they know about OP's past with Marcy, seeing him at the funeral could open up a whole new world of hurt for them on an already tough day.

So, even though OP's feelings of wanting to pay his respects are totally understandable, he has to think about Marcy's loved ones too. It's tough, but the right thing to do here is probably to stay away from the funeral and find another way to remember Marcy and deal with his guilt in private.

Moreover, therapeutic interventions that focus on self-forgiveness and compassion can be beneficial.

The emotional turmoil faced by OP highlights the intricate web of guilt and responsibility that often accompanies addiction. Attending the funeral of the girl he helped turn to drugs brings a flood of conflicting feelings. While the act of attending may seem like a means of seeking closure, it also forces OP to confront the darker aspects of his past actions. This situation illustrates the importance of self-reflection as a tool for processing such complex emotions. By grappling with guilt, OP has the opportunity to differentiate between constructive feelings that can drive change and those that may lead to paralysis. This journey through guilt may ultimately pave the way for personal growth and healing, both for OP and the larger community affected by addiction.

He might be trying to find closure, but Marcy’s family could end up carrying his guilt for him.

Before you decide on the funeral, see what happened when a man skipped his brother’s intervention for mental health.