Man Faces Wrath Of Redditors For Rewarding His Daughter On Getting Good Grades But Not His Son

Everyone wants their children to reach their full potential. Naturally, we want them to succeed and hope that others will see them for what they are—that is, as intelligent and talented.

Although our children's success is our main priority, we can all acknowledge that there is some ego involved in this motivation. After all, it feels nice to be proud of our kids' accomplishments!

Few people recognize the hard work parents put into raising capable, well-behaved kids. Because of this, explicit and quantifiable measures of parental "success," such as academic standing, may seem crucial to our own sense of self.

So it's understandable why so many parents try to encourage their kids to achieve better academic results by offering presents or money in exchange for good grades. The OP is no exception, as he has a reward system for getting all As.

Either you get to go out for dinner at a place of your choosing, or you receive cash. Personally, the OP has implemented this every two months since the report cards for his children started coming out.

The OP has three kids in total, and the youngest just received her report card. The OP checked the grades for the two kids in high school, and his oldest has all As, so she can pick where she wants to go for dinner.

Alternatively, she can choose to receive money to go out with her friends. OP's son received a B and a C, so he is not eligible for a reward, but this caused a problem.

The OP writes

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There was no reward, but the OP asked him if he needed help in math

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I didn’t give my son a reward for his grades since he didn’t get all As. They are upset with me, and I could be a jerk for not giving in on this.

And the comments from other Redditors roll in...

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Grades don't give you the full story

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The Impact of Favoritism on Family Dynamics

Research indicates that perceived favoritism can lead to significant emotional distress for children. Dr. Michael Thompson, a child psychologist and author, notes, "When children feel they are being treated unequally, it can lead to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and resentment." This sentiment is reinforced by Dr. Janet Lansbury, a parenting expert, who states, "Favoritism can create a divide between siblings, fostering rivalry and long-term emotional challenges." Understanding the implications of favoritism is crucial for parents aiming to navigate these complex family dynamics effectively. For more insights, visit Dr. Michael Thompson's website and Dr. Janet Lansbury's website.

An argument to be had

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This Redditor's parents did the same thing

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Behavioral psychologists argue that equitable treatment in the family unit is not just about fairness, but about fostering a healthy emotional climate.

When children see their parents rewarding one sibling over another, it can create divisions that may last into adulthood.

Fostering open dialogue about achievements and challenges can help mitigate feelings of inadequacy, promoting a sense of belonging for all children.

A lot of reasons

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The kid is just grouchy

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The OP left more details in the comments section

My eldest doesn’t always get As. I’m really proud of her for this one; she found a system that seems to be working for her. We started this as a motivator in middle school due to them calculating what they need to pass. It has a feature to show you what will happen if you don’t turn stuff in and the final grade. (I hate that thing)They would do well at the beginning of the year and then stop turning stuff in since they knew they couldn’t fail.So all As motivation stopped that.

Encouraging good study habits

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He should get better grades

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Constructive Reinforcement Strategies

Experts recommend adopting strategies that emphasize individual strengths rather than comparing children directly. For example, a parent can recognize the effort put into challenging subjects while also celebrating achievements in other areas.

Research indicates that positive reinforcement can be more beneficial than rewards tied to performance, as it encourages a growth mindset.

Encouraging children to appreciate each other's strengths can create a supportive family environment, reducing competition and increasing cooperation.

Not giving someone something

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Knowing what the expectations are

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Addressing the issue of favoritism requires intentional action from parents. Open discussions about academic pressures and individual challenges can help children feel heard and valued.

Moreover, setting aside time for family activities that allow all children to shine can reinforce their worth beyond academic achievements.

Involving children in family decisions can also foster a sense of agency and equality, promoting healthier family dynamics.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario underscores the complexities of parental favoritism and its emotional ramifications. Parents should be aware of how their reward systems can unintentionally affect sibling relationships and emotional health.

Creating an environment that values individual strengths while promoting family unity is essential for nurturing healthy sibling dynamics.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, managing perceived favoritism within families is crucial for promoting emotional well-being. Research indicates that equal recognition and support for all children lead to healthier family relationships.

By adopting fair reinforcement strategies and fostering open communication, parents can mitigate the negative impacts of favoritism and help all children thrive.

Although it is undoubtedly more difficult to determine if the children are doing their hardest than it is to simply look at their letter grades, this method may convince OP's son that it is not worth trying. Some Redditors say that if he is genuinely giving it his all but still failing, he might just give up entirely due to OP's approach.

Redditors made their decision, and the OP was declared the AH.

Understanding Gender and Academic Pressure

Gender dynamics can also play a role in how rewards are perceived in families. Studies have shown that societal expectations often shape parental responses to children's achievements.

For instance, boys may be rewarded for academic achievements in sports, while girls may face pressure to excel in academics more than in other areas.

Addressing these biases can help parents create a more balanced approach to recognition and reward in the family.