Redditor Asks If She's An A**hole For Saying She Wouldn't Care If Her Grandmother Died

Sadly, just because someone is a family member doesn't always guarantee that they will treat us nicely. In fact, sometimes the people who are closest to us can hurt us the most.

Recently, Reddit user u/Mediomediocrely shared a story in the AITA (Am I The A**hole?) subreddit about her experience. The OP explained that, growing up, she was bullied terribly by her grandmother.

She says her grandmother would always try to get her in trouble and would blame her for things that her sister had done. She would go through the OP's things, and whenever the Redditor stayed late at school to do homework, her grandma would tell her parents that she was "messing with boys."

The OP's parents would always tell her just to ignore her grandma, but things became so toxic that the OP's godparents offered her a place to stay. When the Redditor started dating someone in college, her grandma would say negative things about her whenever her boyfriend was around.

She couldn't stand to see the OP happy. When the OP eventually stopped bringing her boyfriend around out of embarrassment, her grandmother started a rumor that the Redditor was dating a married man.

There was no truth to the rumor, but it caused drama within the family nonetheless. When the OP confronted her grandmother about her lie, she conveniently decided to move out.

She said she couldn't bear to live in the same house as the OP if she was going to treat her so badly. The Redditor says that was the day she began to hate her.

Now the OP's grandmother has Alzheimer's and constantly tells the Redditor that she loves her. But the OP says she ignores it and can't help holding a grudge against her.

The OP's mom says she should forgive her grandmother, but the OP says she will be relieved when her grandma dies. Keep scrolling to see how people reacted.

The OP asked if she's an a**hole for telling her mother she didn't care if her grandma died.

Reddit/Mediomediocrely

She explained that her grandmother bullied her a lot growing up.

Reddit/Mediomediocrely

The OP's grandma spread vicious rumors about her and sabotaged her relationships.

Reddit/Mediomediocrely

The Complexity of Forgiveness in Familial Relationships

This situation underscores the complexities surrounding forgiveness and the emotional aftermath of familial trauma. Research suggests that forgiveness is not a linear process, and individuals may struggle with feelings of anger and resentment long after the offending behavior.

A study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology highlights that forgiving an abuser often requires extensive emotional work and can take years to achieve, if at all.

The Complexity of Forgiveness

Forgiveness, especially in cases of abuse, is a multifaceted psychological process. Dr. Fred Luskin, a psychologist known for his work on forgiveness, emphasizes that the journey toward forgiveness is deeply personal and varies significantly among individuals.

His research indicates that forgiveness doesn't mean condoning the behavior or forgetting the harm done; rather, it involves releasing the emotional burden associated with the experience.

Now that her grandmother has Alzheimer's, she often tells the OP she loves her. But the Redditor says she will never forgive her grandma for all the years of bullying.

Reddit/Mediomediocrely

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/Kindly_Egg_7480

"You don't owe her anything."

Reddit/naynay2908

Moreover, the notion of having to forgive someone, especially a family member, can create additional pressure on individuals. Psychological research indicates that the expectation to forgive can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, further complicating the healing process.

According to studies, recognizing that it's okay not to forgive is essential for personal healing and emotional well-being.

Studies reveal that many individuals struggle with the societal expectation to forgive, particularly when it comes to abusive relationships. Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships highlights that individuals who feel pressured to forgive often experience higher levels of guilt and anxiety.

"Nobody is owed forgiveness."

Reddit/Encartrus

NTA.

Reddit/BookLoveForAutumn

"Just ignore her."

Reddit/chickeemeow12

Navigating Personal Boundaries in Relationships

Establishing personal boundaries is crucial for maintaining emotional health, particularly in relationships marked by trauma. Family therapists advocate for the importance of recognizing one’s own needs and limits when dealing with difficult relationships.

Research indicates that setting boundaries can foster healthier dynamics and protect individuals from further emotional harm.

Understanding Emotional Pain

Emotional pain caused by abuse can lead to complex feelings of anger, resentment, and guilt. Dr. Judith Herman, a pioneer in trauma research, emphasizes that acknowledging this pain is a crucial step in the healing process.

Her research indicates that recognizing and validating one’s emotional experience is essential for recovery.

"Evil people."

Reddit/HappySummerBreeze

"Your mother should consider herself lucky."

Reddit/LapseIntoReason

"Set boundaries for your family."

Reddit/eamsonwill

To navigate these complex emotions, individuals may benefit from engaging in therapy or support groups. Sharing experiences with others who have faced similar challenges can provide validation and support.

According to the American Psychological Association, therapeutic settings allow individuals to explore their feelings in a safe environment, which is essential for emotional healing.

For individuals grappling with feelings toward an abusive figure, it may be beneficial to engage in therapeutic practices that focus on emotional validation and self-compassion.

These practices can help individuals process their experiences and find meaning in their journey, whether or not they choose to forgive.

"Being old and ill doesn't invalidate your feelings."

Reddit/Dogmother123

"I have been in your shoes."

Reddit/amagivictoria

"I had a grandmother who did the exact same."

Reddit/AdBroad

Additionally, practicing self-care is vital for individuals dealing with familial trauma. Engaging in activities that promote emotional well-being, such as mindfulness, can help individuals process their emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Research shows that self-care practices can significantly enhance emotional resilience and overall mental health.

Ultimately, healing from abusive experiences requires a supportive environment where individuals can explore their feelings without judgment. Seeking therapy or support groups can provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences and navigate their emotions.

"You don't ever have to forgive your abuser."

Reddit/MarginalGreatness

"We reap what we sow."

Reddit/MundanePlanet

"I know that feeling."

Reddit/PenCareless7877

Ultimately, it’s important for individuals to understand that healing is a personal journey, and everyone moves at their own pace. Embracing this concept can alleviate the pressure to forgive and allow individuals to focus on their own emotional needs.

Recognizing that there is no timeline for healing is essential for fostering a sense of agency and empowerment.

It's important to recognize that not forgiving is a valid choice for many, and understanding this can empower individuals to reclaim their narrative in the face of trauma.

According to Dr. Luskin, 'Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, not the person who harmed you.'

"She treated you like sh*t."

Reddit/chelbren

"You should keep your feelings to yourself."

Reddit/CPSue

"You're better than me."

Reddit/Dry_Kaleidoscope_154

What's your take on this situation? Do you think the OP is wrong for holding so much resentment toward her grandmother, or is she entitled to feel that way after the way her grandma treated her?

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, the complexity of forgiveness in abusive situations requires a nuanced understanding of emotional pain and healing.

By prioritizing self-compassion and validation, individuals can navigate their emotional journeys in a way that honors their experiences and choices.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario highlights the complexities of familial relationships and the emotional weight of forgiveness. The individual's feelings toward their grandmother reflect a protective instinct shaped by past experiences of trauma.

Understanding that it's okay not to forgive can empower individuals to prioritize their emotional health and navigate these complex feelings more effectively.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, navigating familial relationships marked by trauma requires a nuanced understanding of forgiveness and personal boundaries. Engaging in self-care and seeking support can facilitate emotional healing.

Ultimately, recognizing that forgiveness is a personal choice allows individuals to focus on their journey toward healing and emotional well-being.