He Grew Up Caring For His Brother With Cerebral Palsy, Now He’s Wondering If It’s Wrong Wanting A Normal Life

This 18-year-old grew up in a house that revolved around one person—his older brother with severe cerebral palsy. His brother couldn’t speak, move, or eat without help, and needed constant care every single day.

His mom made it clear: her eldest son was her pride and joy. Everything in the house—from meals to sleep schedules—was planned around his needs.

There were medications, therapies, appointments, and emergencies. And for the younger siblings, that was just normal life.

He and his 21-year-old brother were raised with one purpose: to help care for their older brother when their parents were gone. Their mom even admitted this out loud more than once.

But while he accepted it, his other brother didn’t. He often complained about how everything had to revolve around someone else.

And honestly, he wasn’t wrong. Their entire childhood was shaped by their brother’s condition.

He doesn’t have many happy memories with his older brother. What he remembers most is pain—his brother crying, suffering, and being kept apart from them.

Their mom didn’t let them spend much time with him. She said they were too young, or that he needed peace and quiet.

So they watched from a distance, helpless. And it hurt.

Four months ago, his older brother passed away. It was devastating—but also strangely peaceful.

For the first time, he felt like his brother wasn’t suffering anymore. His dad said he was finally resting, and both brothers silently agreed.

But their mom couldn’t see it that way. Her world shattered, and she clung to his memory with everything she had.

She kept his room untouched, spoke to him like he was still there, and cried constantly. The family understood—grief is complicated.

Then, three weeks ago, something changed. The dad and two brothers decided to go to the movies together.

It was the first time they’d done something just the three of them. And it felt… nice.

Strange, but nice. Like they were finally a family again.

But when they got home, their mom was waiting—and she was furious. She accused them of being insensitive and betraying her and their brother.

She yelled, cried, and said they had no right to enjoy themselves. The dad and brothers tried to reason with her, but it turned into a full-blown argument.

The 21-year-old called her out for neglecting them. And the 18-year-old, who had always tried to be understanding, finally spoke up too.

He wasn’t trying to minimize her grief. But he didn’t think wanting a moment of peace made him a bad person.

Now he’s left wondering: was he wrong for wanting a normal moment with his family? Was he really being insensitive?

Grief doesn’t follow a script, and everyone copes differently. But sometimes, healing means stepping outside the pain—even just for a movie night.

It was devastating—but also strangely peaceful.

AI-generated image

Here's the original post by Reddit user 'SevenMinutesinHeavnn'.

I (18m) have three brothers. My 21 brother and my 25 older brother. My 25 year old brother recently passed away. He had severe cerebral palsy and had many developmental problems. He couldn't move on his own, speak, or feed himself without help. He needed constant attention from someone else for everything. But he was my mom's pride and joy.The whole house revolved around him. He had fixed schedules for his medications, physical therapy routines, weekly doctor's appointments, checkups with specialists, adjustments to his diet, and emergencies due to infections or respiratory problems. That's how my other brother and I grew up.My mom always put him first. She really had my other brother and me so that we could take care of my older brother when she and Dad were gone. She has admitted this to us on several occasions. And for me, it was never a problem, it never bothered me, I always understood. But my other older brother always complained about how everyone's life in the house had to revolve around my brother. And it's true, our life did have to revolve around him.I don't really have any happy memories with my older brother. I remember him suffering a lot. He was always crying and complaining. Sometimes for no apparent reason, other times because something was clearly hurting him. And it hurt me to see him like that. I didn't know what to do; I couldn't help him. My mom wouldn't let us spend too much time with him; she said we were too young, that we could hurt him without meaning to, or that he needed peace and quiet. So we only saw him occasionally.When my older brother passed away four months ago, it was devastating. It was horrible, very sad. But at the same time, I felt a peace I had never felt before. Not just for us, but for him. Because for the first time in my entire life, I was certain that he was no longer suffering. My dad said he was finally resting. And my 21-year-old brother and I felt the same way, although neither of us dared to say it in front of Mom.My mom couldn't see it that way. For her, her son was still her reason for living. She cried all the time, talked to him, kept his room intact, and asked us not to touch anything. We understood, we all did. But about three weeks ago, my dad, my brother, and I decided to go to the movies. It was the first time the three of us had done something alone since everything happened. And it was nice. Strange, but nice. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a family.But when we got home, my mom was waiting for us in the living room, and as soon as she saw us, she started yelling. She said we were insensitive, that how could we think of going out to have fun after everything that had happened. She said we had betrayed her and my brother. My dad argued with her, as did my brother, who reproached her for always neglecting us. I also joined the discussion. I'm not minimizing what happened or my mom's feelings. But I don't think I acted insensitively either. Even so AITA?

Psychological Implications

Dr. Susan David, an emotional agility expert, emphasizes the importance of recognizing the emotional complexity surrounding caregiving roles in families. She explains that siblings often experience a mix of pride and resentment when tasked with caregiving responsibilities, which can lead to emotional strain.

Understanding these feelings as valid is crucial, as it allows individuals to navigate their own aspirations for a "normal" life without guilt. Dr. David encourages open conversations about these emotions to foster healthier family dynamics.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

Reddit u/julesk

NTA.

Reddit u/Rugger_2468

Many family dynamics involve unspoken expectations that can lead to stress and conflict. A family therapist notes that siblings often feel overshadowed by the needs of the child with disabilities. This can create a sense of neglect for their own needs and desires.

To address this, mental health professionals recommend regular family meetings where everyone can express their feelings and needs. Such sessions can help families navigate their unique challenges while ensuring that no one feels left out.

"She neglected her children."

Reddit u/GlitchonRed

"Live."

Reddit u/General-Toe-8686

"She needs help."

Reddit u/BeanieMaus

Support and Resources

Dr. Bruce Perry, a child psychiatrist specializing in brain development, points out that siblings of children with disabilities often need their own support systems. He advocates for sibling support groups, which provide a safe space for sharing experiences and coping strategies.

These groups can alleviate feelings of isolation and help siblings learn how to express their concerns and emotions in a constructive manner. Perry emphasizes that enhancing siblings’ emotional well-being is essential for family resilience and overall mental health.

"You don't have to feel guilty about living your life."

Reddit u/Shoddy-Stock7151

"The guilt is probably overwhelming."

Reddit u/Salty_sewer

"Glass children."

Reddit u/Savings-Breath-9118

Experts in family therapy highlight that the emotional burden of caregiving can lead to burnout. They suggest practical strategies like setting clear boundaries and scheduling personal time.

Implementing self-care routines ensures that caregivers are not sacrificing their own well-being for the sake of others. This balance allows them to provide better care, as they are more emotionally and physically equipped to handle their responsibilities.

"Extremely unhealthy behavior."

Reddit u/DominoNine

"You guys have a lot of feelings to work out."

Reddit u/neon_crone

"Please try to get her some grief counseling."

Reddit u/ShurtugalLover

Finding Balance

Dr. Madeline Levine, a renowned child psychologist, notes that it's essential for young caregivers to prioritize their own aspirations. She states that while caregiving is noble, it shouldn't come at the cost of personal dreams and life experiences.

Encouraging siblings to pursue their interests can help alleviate feelings of resentment and enhance family relationships. Levine's research indicates that when caregivers also invest in their own lives, they can offer more genuine support to their family members.

"You are doing the best you can."

Reddit u/minathenstoo

"She lost her son and her entire life changed."

Reddit u/onlytexts

"You are finally free."

Reddit u/This_Performance_426

Building a supportive environment for the entire family is crucial. A child development expert suggests that parents should actively encourage healthy sibling relationships by facilitating activities that allow for individual expression.

This might include shared hobbies or time spent together, which can strengthen bonds and reduce feelings of competition. By promoting teamwork and mutual respect, families can create a nurturing atmosphere that benefits everyone involved.

Grief is messy, and healing doesn’t look the same for everyone. But sometimes, even the smallest steps—like a night at the movies—can help a family start to feel whole again.

This story isn’t about forgetting the past. It’s about learning how to live with it, and finding moments of peace in the middle of the pain.

Expert Opinion

The article highlights how caregiving roles can create deep emotional complexities within a family, especially when a loved one has a severe condition. The younger brothers, feeling the weight of their upbringing, might grapple with feelings of guilt for wanting a "normal" life, which is a common struggle for those raised in caregiving environments. It’s important to understand that seeking joy and normalcy doesn’t diminish the love or memory of the deceased; rather, it’s a vital part of processing grief and moving forward.

Psychological Framework & Solutions

The journey of caregiving is complex, particularly for young siblings seeking a balance between familial duty and personal aspirations. Insights from experts like Dr. Susan David and Dr. Bruce Perry highlight the importance of acknowledging the emotional challenges associated with caregiving.

Implementing practical strategies, such as family discussions and sibling support groups, can significantly improve dynamics and emotional health. Ultimately, fostering an environment where siblings feel empowered to pursue their own dreams will not only benefit them but also enhance the family's overall resilience.