Redditor Asks How To Deal With Her Grieving MIL Who Forgets She's Babysitting While She's Meant To Be Babysitting

Some people don’t recognize a favor, and this Redditor’s MIL is proving that in real time. The OP is juggling a flexible job, two houses, and the daily chaos of babysitting, while her husband’s mother keeps acting like she’s not actually on the clock.

Here’s the complicated part: the MIL’s husband died recently, and she now lives in the OP’s house on below-market rent in exchange for helping with childcare. Sounds reasonable until the MIL starts showing up randomly, forgetting she’s babysitting, and somehow always getting what she wants without doing the job she agreed to.

By the time the OP tries to make a new schedule work, the whole thing turns into a slow-motion family headache, and the babysitting becomes the least of it.

The OP shared a story about how her MIL forgets she is babysitting... while she's babysitting.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

She explained that her MIL can be quite manipulative.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

The OP says her MIL will always find a way to get something for nothing.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

The emotional turmoil of grief can severely affect a person's cognitive abilities and their ability to maintain focus.

Grief can profoundly affect an individual's cognitive functioning and emotional availability. Research in bereavement psychology indicates that individuals experiencing intense grief may struggle with concentration and attention, which can lead to forgetfulness and lapses in responsibility.

MIL's husband passed away recently.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

The OP owns two houses: the one she and her family live in, and the one she lived in before she got married.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

MIL lives in the OP's house and pays below-market rent in exchange for helping them with babysitting.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

The moment the MIL’s grief and the babysitting arrangement collide, the OP is stuck doing damage control instead of planning her day.

The situation faced by the Redditor highlights the profound impact of grief on cognitive functioning.

This situation is exacerbated when the grieving individual also takes on responsibilities that they may not be emotionally equipped to handle. Research shows that caregivers in distress are more likely to experience burnout, which can further impair their ability to provide effective care.

The OP's job is flexible, but she works a lot of hours.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

The Redditor offered to let her MIL stay with them for a couple of nights each week since her husband died.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

But the OP says her MIL is unreliable and will show up randomly.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

When the OP offers to let her MIL stay a couple nights a week after her husband’s death, the “help” turns into more unpredictability.

Balancing Caregiving and Self-Care

Parents often find themselves in a challenging position when caregiving responsibilities extend to family members who may be struggling emotionally.

Studies indicate that caregivers must prioritize their own mental health to provide effective support to others.

Encouraging the MIL to engage in self-care practices, such as counseling or support groups, could benefit her mental well-being and improve her caregiving capacity.

Strategies for Better Support

To alleviate the burden on grieving caregivers, families should consider implementing a support system.

Now she's coming over to use the OP's WiFi for online dating.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

The OP says her MIL does not take babysitting seriously.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

She consistently leaves the children to fend for themselves.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

Implementing structured schedules and reminders could also assist in mitigating forgetfulness.

This is similar to the neighbor who guilt-tripped someone into pet sitting.

Moreover, providing education about grief can help family members understand the dynamics at play. Workshops or support groups focused on grief can equip caregivers with strategies to cope while also maintaining their responsibilities.

Grief education can also reduce the stigma associated with grief, allowing individuals to express their struggles more openly.

Instead of watching the children, she hides away in the bedroom on her phone.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

The OP is furious that her MIL isn't keeping up her end of their deal.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

Now the OP is sick of negotiating.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

The OP says she’s tired of the MIL showing up randomly, because every missed babysitting moment hits her family’s routine right in the face.

Open communication is critical in navigating complex emotional situations like this. Expressing concerns without blame can foster an environment of understanding.

Studies indicate that couples and family members who practice effective communication skills tend to experience lower levels of conflict and higher satisfaction in relationships.

Encouraging honest discussions about feelings and expectations can help in managing the stress of caregiving roles.

Encouraging Self-Care as a Priority

Encouraging self-care is crucial for those navigating grief.

In a later edit, the OP thanked the Reddit community for their advice.

Reddit/Professional_Memory

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/Heyedith

She needs to be evicted.

Reddit/Zukazuk

Easy. Turn off the WiFi!

Reddit/LadyLeeLeeH

Okay, but why can't she sleep on the couch?

Reddit/carhoin

What a "lazy mooch."

Reddit/WaffleDynamics

Enough said.

Reddit/AngryPrincessWarrior

No more negotiation.

Reddit/ConsistentCheesecake

"This woman is stealing your peace of mind and your money."

Reddit/WhalenKaiser

"Remind her that the utilities are an exchange for babysitting properly."

Reddit/lumabugg

Now the OP has to balance being kind about the MIL’s loss with the fact that the rent deal was supposed to buy reliability, not confusion.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP should be more understanding of her MIL and her grieving process, or is it reasonable for her to expect more from her MIL?

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

The emotional landscape of grief is clearly evident in the Redditor's experience with her mother-in-law, who is struggling after the loss of her husband. The Redditor's initial kindness to her mother-in-law, although well-intentioned, ultimately led to complications that made both caregiving and familial relationships more challenging.

Creating a supportive environment where the grieving can feel understood is essential, but it must be balanced with the practical needs of the children involved. This situation underscores the importance of establishing boundaries and expectations within family dynamics, ensuring that while caregivers receive the emotional support they need, the responsibilities of childcare are not neglected.

The complexities of grief significantly affect how individuals manage their responsibilities, particularly in caregiving roles.

Nobody wants to pay below-market rent for babysitting that keeps disappearing.

Before you decide what to do, read how one woman refused to bail out her mother-in-law’s shopping addiction.