Woman Spends 30 Hours Planning Halloween Bash While Boyfriend Wants To Turn It Into A Card Game Night

Halloween parties hold a special kind of magic — the lights, the costumes, the chance to play and pretend. But behind every spooky, perfectly staged event is usually someone who has poured hours of thought, creativity, and effort into making it come alive.

For couples, these events can be both a test and a showcase of teamwork. When one partner takes on the heavy lifting of planning, decorating, and organizing, it’s natural to want the other’s support. But what happens when their idea of “fun” completely misses the spirit of the event?

That question lit up Reddit’s r/AmItheAsshole forum recently, after one user shared her story about putting her heart into creating a Halloween experience — only for her boyfriend to suggest something that, to her, risked undoing it all.

The original poster, a 25-year-old woman using the handle u/neverending-reader, had spent weeks preparing for a Halloween party she and her boyfriend, 28, were hosting together. It was their first big themed event, and she’d thrown herself into every detail — paper streamers shaped like spiderwebs, a makeshift dance floor glowing with string lights, games like beer pong, and a carefully planned playlist to keep the energy high.

By her own estimate, she’d invested between 20 and 30 hours decorating, crafting, and shopping for supplies — almost entirely by herself. Then, just days before the party, her boyfriend suggested that he and his friends set up a trading card game during the event — likely Magic: The Gathering, based on her later comments.

To outsiders, that might sound harmless, but to her, it felt like a blow to everything she’d worked for. The card game could take hours; it required a table she’d already designated for beer pong, and it didn’t match the party’s high-energy, social atmosphere.

The OP asks:

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The OP spent 20–30 hours crafting a Halloween party with handmade decorations, themed games, and a glowing dance floor.

Days before the event, her boyfriend asked if he and friends could play a long trading card game.

Understanding Relationship Dynamics

According to Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, successful partnerships thrive on mutual respect and shared goals.

He emphasizes that when one partner invests significantly in planning events like a Halloween party, it can lead to feelings of imbalance and resentment if the other partner is less engaged.

Gottman's studies highlight the importance of openly discussing expectations and responsibilities, suggesting that couples hold a pre-event meeting to delegate tasks effectively and ensure both partners feel valued.

Setting Boundaries for Expectations

Dr. Laura Mintz, a relationship expert, highlights the necessity of setting boundaries in planning social events. She notes that when one partner is overly invested in executing the perfect celebration, it can lead to feelings of overwhelm and unmet expectations.

Mintz suggests establishing clear boundaries around responsibilities and involvement levels before planning begins. This proactive approach can help partners avoid misunderstandings and ensure that both are aligned in their vision for the event, promoting a more enjoyable experience for everyone.

She refused, explaining it would ruin the upbeat atmosphere and take over the space meant for beer pong.

The story continues:

He told her to be “more fluid,” but she insisted she’d leave if the card game happened.

A relationship expert suggests that couples facing planning disagreements should consider their communication styles. It's vital to create an open dialogue where both partners can express their preferences without feeling dismissed.

Practicing active listening can help in understanding each other's perspectives. This approach can transform a potential conflict into a collaborative effort, ensuring both parties feel heard and involved. Additionally, setting aside time for joint planning sessions can foster unity and make the event more enjoyable for both partners.

The post quickly gained traction, earning hundreds of comments and thousands of upvotes. The overwhelming consensus: she wasn’t the one in the wrong.

Many Redditors who regularly host parties empathized with her frustration. One commenter summed it up bluntly: “Him playing Magic or whatever is going to be fun for exactly one group of people — the people playing.

For everyone else, it’s an energy sink.” Others pointed out that a trading card game can last for hours and essentially isolate players from the rest of the event, creating an awkward divide between guests.

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OP responded:

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The Importance of Teamwork in Relationships

Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, emphasizes that teamwork during event planning can strengthen a relationship. She argues that the process of planning together promotes collaboration and communication, essential components of a healthy partnership.

Perel encourages couples to view event planning as an opportunity for bonding rather than a chore. By dividing responsibilities based on individual strengths, partners can create a more enjoyable experience, ensuring that both feel invested in the celebration and, ultimately, each other.

"To be fair it isn't really fun to watch for people that are also into cards"

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"You're allowed to have a party set up in a way you would like for one night."

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Conflict resolution in relationships often requires negotiation skills. A therapist recommends that couples approach disagreements about event planning with a mindset of compromise.

For instance, if one partner desires a grand Halloween party while the other prefers a simple game night, they could explore a middle ground, such as a themed game night that incorporates Halloween elements. This approach not only resolves the conflict but also fosters creativity and collaboration, reinforcing the partnership.

This is true:

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They were planning different parties...

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The viral thread struck a chord because it wasn’t really about Halloween or even card games. It was about emotional labor, the unseen, often undervalued work that goes into making shared experiences special.

Many people, especially women, find themselves in similar situations where they pour time and care into something, only to have it minimized or redirected by a partner.

Healthy compromise in relationships doesn’t mean always yielding to what’s easiest for one person. It means recognizing the other’s investment (time, effort, and heart) and showing up for them.

Expert Opinion

This situation really highlights the dynamics of emotional labor in relationships. The woman poured her heart into planning the Halloween party, which often represents a deeper emotional investment, while her boyfriend’s suggestion might reflect a lack of awareness of that effort. It’s a classic case where one partner's idea of fun doesn’t align with the other’s expectations, revealing the importance of communication and compromise to ensure both partners feel valued and understood.

In conclusion, effective communication and teamwork are essential for couples planning events together. Experts like Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Esther Perel emphasize the importance of collaboration, mutual respect, and clear expectations to foster healthier relationships. By adopting strategies such as active listening, compromise, and boundary-setting, partners can create enjoyable experiences that strengthen their bond.

Ultimately, the goal should be to transform planning from a point of contention into a shared adventure, ensuring both partners feel valued and engaged in the process.