Reconnection Turns Sour As Adopted Woman Gets Harassed For Money By Birth Family

A 28-year-old woman refused to keep funding the birth family that once sent her away, and it turned into a harassment spiral instead of a sweet reunion. She thought reconnecting would mean closure, or at least basic human decency. Nope.

She was born out of wedlock, got sick as a baby, and was placed for adoption because her mother “didn’t have the resources” to get her cured. Years later, the same mother reappeared, now with more kids, and started asking for money. The OP sent part of her allowance, but when her father found out, he told the biological mother to stay away. That didn’t stop the siblings, who harassed her again in her 20s.

Then her biological mother hit her up again, claiming they’d be homeless if she didn’t pay, and the cycle came roaring back.

OP wonders if she's the a-hole for not wanting to help her biological family.

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OP was born out of wedlock.

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She was ill when she was a baby.

She was put up for adoption because her mother didn't have the resources to get her cured.

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The whole thing starts with a “simple” allowance, but it quickly turns into the biological mother treating the OP like an ATM.

The dynamics of adopted individuals reconnecting with their birth families can be incredibly complex. In this case, the adopted woman's experience of being harassed for money illustrates the potential challenges associated with these relationships.

Research in adoption psychology indicates that adopted individuals often face unique emotional struggles, including feelings of abandonment and the quest for identity, which can complicate their interactions with birth families.

When they reconnected, the OP was shocked to find out that her mother had more kids after she was placed for adoption.

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The biological mother began asking for money from the OP, so she partially sent her allowance.

When her father discovered this, he asked her biological mother to stay away.

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When the OP was in her 20s, she was harassed by her siblings.

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When birth family members reach out, it may sometimes be perceived as transactional rather than relational, leading to feelings of exploitation.

The OP has had enough. She doesn't want anything to do with her biological family again.

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The OP recently received a message from her biological mother, informing her about her recent financial struggles.

She told the OP they would be homeless if the OP refused to help.

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She refused, then was harassed by her siblings again.

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When the OP’s father steps in and tells the mother to stay away, the harassment shifts from the mother to the siblings who come looking for money.

It also echoes an AITA where OP asks a struggling sibling to return borrowed money.

Establishing boundaries is essential when navigating relationships with birth families. This can help protect individuals from emotional distress and promote healthier interactions.

The OP owes absolutely nothing to her mother. She shouldn't feel bad for not helping.

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The OP might want to consider filing a cybercrime complaint against her family.

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Some Redditors think her mother gave her up not only because she was ill but also because she is female.

Considering the family is conservative and the mother had a son after the OP, it's possible.

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By the time the OP reaches her 20s, the siblings are already harassing her once, so the new message about being homeless lands like a threat.

To foster healthier interactions, it may be beneficial for the adopted individual to communicate their needs and expectations clearly. Engaging in open dialogues about comfort levels can create a safer space for all parties involved.

Studies indicate that effective communication can significantly enhance relational satisfaction and reduce misunderstandings.

"Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures."

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The OP shouldn't give in. Unfortunately, she has a biological family of manipulative users.

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Redditors can't consider them family. They're leeches at this point.

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After the OP refuses again, the same family that once “couldn’t afford” her care decides she owes them anyway.

Processing Emotions in Reconnection

Emotional responses during reconnection can be intense and multifaceted.

Even if the OP is already a functioning adult, she has no obligation to help her biological family. Unfortunately, it seems that her mother only saw her as an emergency fund when the OP started sending her money.

This time, the OP shouldn't give in to the manipulation and harassment that she's receiving from her family. If blocking doesn't work, maybe it's time to involve the authorities.

The emotional turmoil that can arise from these connections highlights the importance of open communication to ensure that interactions do not devolve into exploitation or distress.

As this story illustrates, fostering mutual respect is not just ideal but essential for any hopeful reunion. Without it, the very connections that are meant to provide belonging and support can instead turn sour, leaving individuals questioning their decisions and grappling with the fallout.

Nobody wants to be adopted, only to get repaid with demands.

Still debating fair repayment after family help, read whether parents should repay loans after receiving help.