These People Shared Things That Were Harmful To Hear When They Were Kids And It Is Sad How Common They Were
Avoiding these things could really help a child's self-esteem from being entirely destroyed.
Not to be all dramatic, but do you ever stay awake at night thinking about the things for which you were criticized as a child and how that has led to issues in your adult behavior? Well, hopefully, the answer is no, but either way, the things that parents or other influential people in a child's life say can really stay with them.
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Over on Reddit, someone asked the question, "What harmful things are being taught to children?" and the answers are really illuminating. The thread helps to share some simple things that can be avoided to help a child grow more healthily into adulthood.
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Alternatively: be kind, but also know when to stand up for yourself.
"Ignore bullies and they'll leave you alone."When you do that, one of two things is likely to happen. Either they'll mess with you more, or they'll move on to someone else and bully them.If you stand up to bullies, they back down. The earlier in life you put these people in their place, the less likely they are to develop their bad behavior as a lifelong practice.Sometimes, just liking your work is enough
Going too far on the "find your dream job and it'll never feel like work" stuff.It really messed me up when I wasn't "excited" about university assignments and thought I had to change degrees.Teaching your kids to question is the most important thing!
Teaching kids not to question things just because someone is older or allegedly wiser is one of the most frustrating things that I see on a daily basis. How is a child supposed to ever develop any individual and nuanced ideas if they can’t think for themselves?Teach them that it is okay to be wrong; it means you have an opportunity to learn.
Being wrong is seen as bad. That's why many people don't change their minds when they are given trustworthy sources; they don't want to be wrong.Just let them speak
Being discouraged from speaking up about illnesses makes them feel weird or that something is wrong with them. They talk about needing therapy, which isn't a bad concept and you probably do need it, but they picture it in such a negative light.NO. This just normalizes abusive behavior.
"If he's mean to you, he likes you." This just teaches little girls (mostly girls) to expect violence from people who love them."No" is good.
No is a 'bad' word. It's a strong word, but not a bad one.Don't neglect your kids' emotions... they really do think it's the end of the world--even if it is nothing to you.
Nobody cares about children's or teens' issues. "Well, it’s only going to get worse from here." "You think school is hard? Have you ever paid a bill?" "You’re just a kid; you can’t feel this way."It breeds an emotional disconnect between parents and their kids and makes kids feel alone in their emotional struggles, as if nobody cares because they’re not adults and they don’t have "adult problems."That's weird
Probably not harmful, but in kindergarten, we were prohibited from playing soccer because it was "too dangerous." We were kindergarteners. We probably would just stand there and kick the ball, not go full-on FIFA or anything.Think through social media usage.
Kids are starting social media so early these days, and I think that’s very dangerous because it puts a lot of pressure on the child to attribute their worth to their social media success. I also think parents are way too open with their social media when it comes to their kids, and it’s totally a violation of the child’s privacy, which some parents will never admit.It! Is! Okay! To Fail! It means that you tried--which is the most important thing.
Teaching them that it’s not okay to fail is harmful. Some people need a little more time than others. It’s okay to not understand something right away. Kids should be given more time to process things. Imagine having a poor grade because of a low score from the beginning of the year. How can we show children that it’s not pass or fail, it’s try and improve?Think about the lessons you're ignoring, too.
I think what we're not taught is more harmful. For example, the fact that we never learn (at least in my country) how to fact-check things.
Failure is okay!
That failure is bad. Failing should not be considered an obstacle but a step in the learning process. Demonizing failure and the stigma associated with it makes many children lose their interest once they fail.Let kids argue their point, but in an appropriate way.
"No backtalk." Many adults use it as "you're not allowed to challenge what I have to say." It makes sense if it's a cranky toddler being negative for negativity's sake, but suddenly older children can't question things or raise valid points of their own.This!!
That complaining is the same as not being grateful. I can’t count the number of times growing up when adults basically told me to shut up whenever I was complaining about something and that I should be grateful that I was born where I was. Like sure, I’m glad I wasn’t born into some starving African family, but that doesn’t mean everything is perfect here and that we shouldn’t try to improve things as well.Also this!!
You do not have to play with everyone. There is a total lack of social accountability. If Laura is always cheating at tag, it’s okay not to let her play. If Little Billy throws sand in the sandbox, Little Timmy does not have to play with him. Laura and Billy need to learn how to play appropriately.This is just gross. Respect is earned!
You show me respect first because I’m an adult and have authority, then I choose whether I should show you respect; no other way!Nope! Please help them handle their emotions in a healthy way.
How to internalize stress and implode as teens and adults.Don't make them do physical contact they don't want to!
Making children hug or kiss someone (usually a relative) with whom they are uncomfortable is not good. The child may just be grumpy or not wanting to show affection, or their warning bells could be going off and they do not know how to communicate that. Plus, forcing them to hug or kiss sends mixed messages about personal and physical boundaries and affection itself. In a nasty divorce, the parents may only talk about each other’s bad qualities, and the kid(s) may have issues with their parents.Kids absorb more than you think
Political views, at ages when children are really too young to understand them. They just spout off their parents' thoughts.!!!!!
Not owning up to their mistakes or blaming them on others.What do you think about these? What would you add? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
At the end of the day, just try your best. No one is perfect, but just try to teach your kid healthy behaviors.
