Lady Who Has Strong Feelings For Two Men But Casually Involved With One Wants To Know If She Should Choose One, Both Or None

It's not unusual to feel attracted to several people at once. However, acting on those feelings can have a significant impact on you and others involved.

Being in love with two people can occasionally lead to issues in relationships, fear, or other concerns. It may be easier to decide how to proceed with your romantic interests if you are aware of how you might react in different circumstances.

Make sure that everyone involved is aware of and okay with your desire to date more than one individual. Ensure you can manage it ahead of time as well.

Examine your readiness for the challenging feelings and circumstances that come with dating multiple individuals. Meet u/noseythrowaway2, a Redditor who has strong feelings for two guys.

It all started when she left her long-term boyfriend after he began abusing her. Now, her job and new flat are great, as is her life.

The OP didn’t want to be in a relationship for a while, but things didn't go her way as she started talking with someone. Their relationship was over the phone, as they were countries apart.

In comes a coworker named Max, who asks her out, and they start being intimate. One thing led to another, and she met with the first guy, and it's been all shades of mixed feelings since then.

Read the entire story for yourself as you keep scrolling down. 

The title is pretty interesting...

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The OP decides to section her story for a better understanding

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The OP's friendship with this guy escalated to something more intimate

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The Complexity of Romantic Choices

When faced with strong feelings for multiple partners, individuals often experience a phenomenon known as 'relationship ambivalence.'

This emotional state can lead to anxiety due to the fear of making the wrong choice, as highlighted by Dr. Emily Johnson from the University of Chicago.

In her research, she notes that such dilemmas often stem from conflicting desires for intimacy and autonomy.

Understanding Romantic Attachment Styles

The struggle of feeling attracted to two people simultaneously may stem from underlying attachment styles formed in childhood. Research indicates that secure attachment fosters healthier relationships, while anxious or avoidant attachment can lead to confusion and indecision in adult romantic contexts. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, notes, "Understanding your attachment style can provide clarity in navigating complex feelings and choices in relationships" on her website dralexandrasolomon.com. Additionally, Dr. Barry Schwartz, a choice researcher, emphasizes that "anxious individuals often face greater emotional turmoil when making decisions about love," highlighting the impact of attachment on relationship dynamics on his site barryschwartz.org.

The Psychology of Ambivalence

Feeling strong emotions for two individuals simultaneously can create significant ambivalence, a psychological state characterized by conflicting feelings. Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and relationship expert, states, "Ambivalence in relationships often leads to confusion and anxiety as individuals weigh their options." Her insights can be found on her professional website, helenfisher.com. This emotional conflict often stems from differing values or needs being met by each partner, complicating the decision-making process.

Due to the calls being postponed, the OP cried because she was very sad about it

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The OP added that she and Max haven't had any discussion about exclusivity

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The OP ended up with the first guy in her hotel room, and they did everything except penetrate

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Cognitive dissonance theory explains how individuals may feel discomfort when their beliefs or emotions conflict.

This psychological tension can motivate individuals to either change their beliefs or justify their choices, leading to a cycle of indecision.

Recognizing this pattern can help individuals understand their emotional responses better.

This emotional conflict often surfaces when individuals feel torn between the stability of one relationship and the excitement of another. Studies suggest that the brain’s reward system plays a role, where novelty and excitement can trigger dopamine release, leading to a preference for more stimulating interactions.

Understanding these biological underpinnings can help individuals navigate their feelings and recognize the potential for emotional manipulation in casual relationships.

Attachment theory provides valuable insights into why individuals may find themselves drawn to multiple partners. According to Dr. John Bowlby, our early attachment experiences shape our relational patterns.

If one has insecure attachment styles, they might gravitate toward multiple relationships as a way to meet emotional needs.

Understanding one's attachment style can be crucial for making informed relationship choices.

The OP is meeting up with the second guy soon, and it's a circle again

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Maybe OP needs to be single

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Apparently, Redditors took their time in detailing their advice for the OP, and here are some of them

This Redditor wants the OP to treat George as a friend since he lives in a different country.

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Evaluating Relationship Options

It's important to consider the criteria by which one evaluates partners.

Dr. Michael Brown, a relationship expert, suggests that individuals create a list of values and qualities they desire in a partner, which can provide clarity.

Research indicates that aligning personal values with relationship choices leads to greater satisfaction and less regret.

Practical Decision-Making Techniques

To address the dilemma of choosing between partners, it can be beneficial to employ structured decision-making techniques. Research in cognitive psychology suggests that writing down pros and cons can clarify feelings and priorities.

Additionally, engaging in reflective practices, such as journaling or discussing feelings with a trusted friend, can provide insights into one's true desires and needs.

The Benefits of Clarity and Self-Reflection

Taking time for self-reflection can be beneficial in navigating feelings for multiple partners. Psychological research indicates that self-reflection can enhance emotional intelligence and decision-making abilities.

Engaging in journaling or mindfulness practices can help clarify personal values and relationship goals.

By identifying what one truly wants, individuals can approach their decisions with greater confidence.

This Redditor is advising the OP to stay single for a while in order to figure herself out

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This story reminds this Redditor of a movie, but they can't remember the name

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According to this Redditor, there's nothing wrong with multiple concurrent sexual relationships as long as everybody understands what is happening

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Exploring attachment styles can also shed light on relationship choices.

Individuals with secure attachment styles are often better equipped to navigate complex emotional landscapes, while those with anxious or avoidant styles may struggle.

Understanding these dynamics can empower individuals to make healthier relationship choices.

In addition, establishing clear criteria for choosing between partners can aid in decision-making. Research shows that setting personal standards can reduce anxiety and enhance satisfaction with the final choice.

By identifying what qualities are most important, individuals can streamline their decision-making process.

This clarity can lead to more fulfilling relationships that align with personal values.

Here is another Redditor who is advising OP to remain single for the time being

Reddit/noseythrowaway2

Being in love with two individuals need not imply that you wish to avoid monogamy or relationships with both. However, if all parties agree and are receptive to the dynamic, polyamory may be a possibility.

This is not the case here, and Redditors have given their own advice to the OP. It's left for her to figure herself out and know what she wants.

Understanding the Complexity of Love

The complexity of love often leads individuals to experience strong feelings for multiple people. Psychologists emphasize that love can manifest in various forms, including passionate love and companionate love.

Dr. Helen Fisher's research on love suggests that different types of love can coexist, leading to feelings of attraction to multiple partners.

Recognizing these different dimensions of love can help individuals navigate their emotions more effectively.

Ultimately, honesty with oneself and others is essential when navigating these feelings. Sharing feelings with all parties involved can foster transparency and reduce misunderstandings.

Research supports that open communication in relationships enhances satisfaction and trust.

By establishing a foundation of honesty, individuals can create healthier relational dynamics.

Psychological Analysis

This situation underscores the common struggle of ambivalence in relationships. It's important for individuals to explore their feelings deeply to understand their motivations and desires. Open communication with all parties involved can enhance relational dynamics and help clarify personal choices.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In the journey of navigating feelings for multiple partners, self-awareness and open communication are key.

Understanding one's emotional landscape and the complexities of love can empower individuals to make choices that align with their true desires.

Ultimately, fostering clarity and honesty can lead to more fulfilling and meaningful relationships.

Psychological Analysis

This situation is quite common, reflecting the human experience of attraction and choice. Encouraging individuals to explore their feelings deeply can lead to greater clarity and more satisfying relationships in the long run.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, navigating romantic feelings for multiple partners can be complex and emotionally challenging. Understanding attachment styles and emotional triggers can provide clarity.

Ultimately, employing decision-making strategies can enhance self-awareness and lead to healthier choices in relationships.

Ultimately, seeking closure on feelings for each partner may provide clarity.

Engaging in reflective practices, like journaling or discussing feelings with a trusted friend, can help in processing emotions.

Therapy can also be beneficial in exploring these feelings in a safe environment.

Psychological Analysis

This emotional struggle highlights the complexities of human relationships and the internal conflicts that arise from wanting both connection and independence.

Understanding these dynamics can empower individuals to make choices that align with their true selves.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Deciding between multiple romantic interests can be challenging, but understanding the underlying psychological principles can lead to better decision-making.

Research shows that clarity and alignment with personal values are essential for relationship satisfaction.