She Hid “Depression Cakes” From Her Health-Nut Roommate — And Now She’s Wondering If She’s The Bad Guy

Living with your best friend sounds like a dream, right? For one woman, it turned into a daily emotional workout she didn’t exactly sign up for.

A 22-year-old woman shared on Reddit that she lives with her best friend “Brooke,” 23, in a two-bedroom apartment. The catch? Brooke owns the place, while she pays rent and utilities to live in the spare room.

From day one, it was clear Brooke was passionate about fitness — and not in a casual “I do yoga sometimes” kind of way. She’s a full-on gym devotee who spends hours working out, meticulously tracks her calories, and treats healthy eating like a sacred calling.

The Redditor says she actually admired Brooke’s dedication at first. She loved that her best friend was so motivated and disciplined, but she admits she’s not wired quite the same way.

“I exercise a few times a week and try to eat nutritiously,” she explained. “But I also suffer from depression, which makes it hard to keep up with that level of structure.”

When she first moved in, Brooke made her expectations crystal clear — she wanted her new roommate to adopt her lifestyle. That meant no sweets, no fried food, no processed snacks, and absolutely no “junk” inside the apartment.

At first, she went along with it, thinking it was just part of being a good roommate. She figured she could use a little push toward healthier habits anyway, and Brooke seemed genuinely invested in helping her stay on track.

But over time, things started to feel… controlling. Brooke began taking her fitness policing to the next level — literally counting her roommate’s calories along with her own.

“She started criticizing my eating and pointing out when I had too many carbs or not enough protein,” the Redditor wrote. “I developed major body image issues.”

Whenever she tried to set boundaries and tell Brooke it made her uncomfortable, Brooke brushed it off as “tough love.” She insisted she was only doing it because she cared.

That’s when the “depression cakes” entered the picture.

The Redditor admits that when she’s having a rough time, there’s one thing that reliably brings her comfort — cake. She doesn’t binge, she doesn’t go overboard; she just buys a small one and has a slice or two when she’s feeling low.

Knowing Brooke’s militant stance on junk food, she started hiding the cakes in a small cooler under her bathroom sink. Since Brooke uses a different bathroom, she figured it was a harmless secret.

On bad days, she’d lock the door, cut herself a piece, and quietly eat in peace. If Brooke ever asked what she was doing, she’d say she was journaling — which, honestly, isn’t far from emotional self-care anyway.

But a few days ago, everything came crashing down. Brooke went into her bathroom to grab some extra toilet paper rolls and stumbled across the hidden cooler.

That’s when she discovered the forbidden treasure: a small half-eaten cake.

Brooke was furious. She confronted her roommate, accusing her of “ruining her health” and “throwing away all the work” Brooke had supposedly done to “help her.”

“She said she couldn’t believe I lied to her and kept sweets in her home,” the Redditor said. “She demanded I throw away what was left of the cake.”

Feeling guilty and cornered, she did it — but she’s still not sure she was actually in the wrong. After all, she pays rent, she’s an adult, and she wasn’t hurting anyone.

On Reddit, users were divided, though many came to her defense. Commenters pointed out that Brooke’s behavior sounded “toxic,” “controlling,” and “borderline obsessive.”

“She’s your roommate, not your personal trainer,” one person wrote. “You’re allowed to eat cake in your own space.”

Others sympathized with Brooke’s intentions but said she clearly crossed a line. “It’s one thing to be passionate about fitness,” another user said. “It’s another to police someone else’s diet and shame them for comfort eating.”

Some even wondered if Brooke might be struggling with her own disordered relationship with food. “Her obsession with controlling your eating might say more about her mental health than yours,” one commenter suggested.

For now, the Redditor says she feels “terrible” for breaking the “no junk” rule in Brooke’s apartment but also frustrated that something as simple as cake turned into a fight. She’s debating whether she should apologize again — or start looking for a new place to live.

Because really, who knew a slice of cake could spark such a meltdown?

As one Redditor summed it up perfectly: “Everyone deserves their depression cake. Especially when the alternative is living under someone else’s food dictatorship.”

When she first moved in, Brooke made her expectations crystal clear — she wanted her new roommate to adopt her lifestyle.

AI-generated image

Here’s the original post by Reddit user ‘depressioncakes’

I (22f) live with my best friend “Brooke” (23f) in a 2 bedroom apt. Brooke owns the apt, but I pay her rent & utilities to live in the spare bedroom. Brooke is a HUGE health/fitness nut. She goes to the gym for hours almost every day and only ever eats healthy food and counts every calorie.

I love how motivated she is, but I’m not really suited to that lifestyle. I exercise a few times a week and try to eat nutritiously and am generally fit, but I suffer from depression, meaning I find it difficult to be as active and disciplined as her. When I moved in with Brooke, she made it clear that she wanted me to adopt her lifestyle.

She hates sweets, fried food, etc. and didn’t want them in the apt. This was going well at first, but with so much going on in my life and my depression worsening, I found it hard to keep up with her regimen. She started counting my calories along with hers and criticizing my eating.

I developed major body image issues. Every time I told her it made me uncomfortable, she insisted that she was only looking out for me. This is where the depression cakes come in. I LOVE cake. It makes me feel better when I’m depressed, so I’ll occasionally buy a small one if I’m feeling rough.

Knowing her feelings on junk food, I’ve been keeping my cakes in a small cooler under my bathroom sink (she uses a different bathroom). On my bad days I’ll lock my door and eat a slice. If she asks I say I’m journaling bc I know she’ll shame me for being unhealthy.

A couple days ago she went into my bathroom to look for toilet paper rolls. That’s when she found my latest depression cake. She confronted me about it, furious. Said I was ruining my health and throwing away the work she put in to help me. Most of all, she was angry that I lied to her and kept the cakes a secret knowing they were banned in her apt.

I feel terrible for breaking her rules in HER home, but also it’s just cake and I think it’s unfair of her to tell me what to eat. She demanded I throw away what’s left of the cake, which I did, but I’m genuinely confused if I’m at fault here. AITA?

Understanding Emotional Boundaries

A relationship expert emphasizes the importance of emotional boundaries in shared living situations. Dr. Emily Nagoski notes that roommates often need to navigate personal habits and preferences, which can lead to misunderstandings.

She states, “Setting clear boundaries about food choices and lifestyle habits is essential for maintaining harmony.” This not only protects individual emotional well-being but also fosters respect and communication.

In her research, Nagoski advises having open conversations about expectations, which can help prevent feelings of resentment or guilt over personal choices.

Here’s how the Reddit community reacted.

happyidiot1

“Not a healthy environment.”

redditor191389

The complexities of living with a health-conscious roommate can lead to internal conflict. Dr. Laurie Mintz, a sex therapist and educator, suggests that the pressure to conform to someone else's lifestyle can create significant emotional strain.

She explains, “When you feel judged for your choices, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or guilt. It's crucial to remember that your choices are valid, regardless of others’ opinions.” Establishing personal autonomy in shared spaces is vital for maintaining mental health.

NTA.

GrumpyBaristaBastard

“Be safe.”

miranails

It’s not healthy.

Deleted user

Coping Strategies for Tension

According to Dr. Dan Gilbert, a renowned psychologist, coping with the stress of differing lifestyles requires effective communication. He recommends using 'I' statements to express feelings without placing blame, which can help reduce defensiveness.

For example, saying “I feel judged when my food choices are questioned” can open up a dialogue rather than spark conflict. Gilbert’s work emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence, suggesting that understanding one's feelings is key to navigating roommate dynamics successfully.

“She has no right!”

simplysearchin578

“Your body, your rules.”

mindsheart

“Toxic AF.”

SpritualOnslaught

Seeking common ground is essential in roommate relationships. A family therapist highlights that shared activities or meal planning can strengthen bonds and alleviate tension. Dr. William Doherty recommends scheduling regular discussions about household responsibilities and lifestyle preferences.

In his experience, these proactive conversations can prevent misunderstandings and promote a sense of partnership. Creating a living environment that respects both parties' needs fosters mutual respect and can improve overall satisfaction in the relationship.

Abusive behavior.

sweadle

“You are here tenant, not her child.”

missplaced24

“Please move out ASAP.”

Deleted user

The Impact of Lifestyle Choices

Living with someone who has starkly different lifestyle habits can be challenging. Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading couples therapist, notes that such differences can lead to feelings of isolation if not addressed properly.

She emphasizes the need for empathy in these situations, advising roommates to approach each other's choices with curiosity rather than judgment. “Understanding the reasons behind each other's habits fosters connection,” she explains. This empathetic approach can facilitate healthier discussions about lifestyle differences.

“Sounds like she wants a project more than a roommate.”

agarrabrant

“This is entirely inappropriate.”

soup

“Girl!!!”

BroadElderberry

To mitigate the emotional impact of living with a fitness-focused roommate, Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis suggests establishing a 'food agreement.' This agreement outlines acceptable food practices that both parties are comfortable with, thereby reducing conflict.

Moreover, incorporating shared cooking sessions can help blend both lifestyles, providing opportunities for bonding. By finding a compromise that respects both individuals' choices, roommates can create a more harmonious living situation.

At the end of the day, it’s not really about the cake — it’s about control, compassion, and boundaries. Living with someone, even your best friend, can blur those lines fast, but this story is a reminder that no one gets to dictate how you take care of yourself.

Because sometimes, self-care isn’t green smoothies or 6 a.m. workouts. Sometimes, it’s a quiet slice of cake on a bad day — and that’s perfectly okay.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights how deeply intertwined our eating habits are with emotional well-being. The roommate's strict control over food reflects her own possible struggles with perfectionism or disordered eating, which can lead to projecting those values onto others. For the woman with depression, hiding her "depression cakes" shows a desire for self-care in the face of mental health challenges, indicating that we often seek comfort in small ways when we feel overwhelmed.

Psychological Insights & Implications

Navigating the complexities of living with a roommate who has different lifestyle choices can be challenging but manageable. Experts like Dr. Emily Nagoski and Dr. Laurie Mintz emphasize that setting boundaries and open communication are fundamental in avoiding conflict.

Additionally, incorporating strategies like shared meal planning and empathy can significantly improve roommate dynamics. Ultimately, it's about finding a balance that respects both individuals' needs while fostering a supportive living environment. With patience and understanding, it's possible to create a harmonious coexistence.