30 People Who Had A Horrible Time At A Wedding Because Of A Cringey Wedding Toast

Delivering an epic wedding toast is a warrior's challenge because you're tasked with making sure everyone's happy. This completely goes against the notion that "you can't please everyone."

So imagine what type of Bootcamp you need to attend to deliver a speech that brings a smile to everyone's face, including the bride and groom.

What about ruining a wedding toast? Oh, that's a piece of cake.

You might be all pepped up to give a wedding toast, but if things don't go well, you're up for the ride of your life.

All it takes is booze, fear of public speaking, a bad tummy, and/or a mild panic attack to derail you. The stress that builds up will make sure your wedding toast is... well, toast.

Oh, and let's not forget that everyone will remember a messed-up wedding speech for eternity. Oh, and they won't let you forget it either.

But I don't blame the people who messed up their wedding speeches. It's not their fault.

Suddenly, to be in the limelight isn't easy because while your body can adjust to the extra lighting and stuff, your brain is still processing whether it wants you to panic or not.

Then comes the etiquette of looking at people while you read the speech. Since you can't read your speech like you read a book, looking into people's eyes while you speak adds to the unnecessary pressure of delivering gold.

Anyway, here are some hilariously horrible wedding speeches you shouldn't miss!

Josh is black.

Μy sister got married in a small Ϲanadian Mennonite community. The grooms bеst man, Josh, was black. Josh started оff his speech by saying "I'm Josh, thе one you have been staring at аll day". Everybody laughed so hard.

KeanusDracula

A weird toast.

I work as a banqueting chef, and last year after the wedding had happened, vows said, rings exchanged, and bellies filled with food and wine, the groom stood to say the following: 'Today I married the woman of my dreams, and I'd like to thank her for everything she has done for me. I would also like to thank my best man, who has been f**king her since we got engaged... With that, he mumbled a 'cheers,' downed his champagne, and got a taxi to the airport to start his honeymoon alone. It turns out he found out four months before the wedding and had told the father of the bride everything was costing more, [the father] was writing cheques to cover his little girl's special day, and all the money went toward the groom's new life out of the country.

coolez-nunez

The ugly duckling.

Father of the bride described her as the 'ugly duckling' of the family, got booed.

Maihashi

I have cancer.

I've only been to one wedding, and it was my dad's cousin's wedding. My dad's uncle (the groom's father) did a toast when the groom and bride were at the altar (is this normal? Everyone around me seemed confused), and he said, 'I'm glad I made it out here today. I just want you guys to know that I have cancer and I'm going to die soon. Congrats to my son and his beautiful bride. Enjoy your time!' Everyone was in complete silence. It was the most awkward thing I've possibly ever witnessed. FWIW, this was in 2008, and the groom's father is still alive.

backupcoin

Funeral speech.

At my parent's wedding the priest started with "We are gathered at this funeral today..." the worst part is he started going on with the typical funeral speech until he was stopped. To be fair he was well past retirement age.

McJennifer

Marriage is hard speech.

One wedding I went to, the pastor started giving the typical 'marriage is hard work' speech. He talks about how many marriages fail and all the people he's counseled through divorce. He goes on about how on their wedding day, they're just like this couple who thinks they're going to make it but six months later they're getting a divorce......I'm trying hard to keep a straight face, the groom is starting to look like he wants to punch the guy, and I can hear people behind me disguising laughing as coughing. I keep expecting him to bring it around to something positive, but he doesn't. Fifteen minutes of 'marriage is hard and lots of them don't work.' Find out at the reception, he was a family friend. With a lifelong unrequited crush on the bride.

Virginity speech.

At a wedding I went to recently, during his speech, the best man went off on a super-awkward tangent about how he lost his virginity to the bride and how he never would have guessed she'd end up with his best friend (the groom).

grapejam

What in the world.

'I can't believe you got her pregnant and haven't told anyone yet.' —(very drunk best man). Whole crowd goes silent enough that you can hear crickets outside; father of the bride's face just goes bright red in rage.

jking11

I hope you know what you're doing speech.

The best man: 'When you told me that someday I would be your best man, I never thought it would be a half a year later. I just hope you know what you are doing.' They got divorced four months later (they had only been dating a couple months).

Nero29gt

The ex-boyfriend speech.

My wife's best friend/maid of honor called me the wrong name in her toast. The name she called out: my wife's ex boyfriend. I laughed it off at the time, but to be honest I was pretty humiliated.

Moto341

Personal detaisl speech.

Was at a wedding where the father of the bride was giving his speech and talked about his daughter's butt and had her stand up and turn around so everyone could see it. He then proceeded to talk about the bride and groom getting it on.

INSadjuster22

When you're not done yet speech.

At my brother-in-law's wedding the grandmother of the bride was asked to say grace before the meal. My father and I happened to be standing by the bar after getting one last drink before it closed during the meal. We figured we would stand there during the 30 seconds or so while she blessed the food. She pulls out three pieces of paper, completely full front and back, and starts in on the history of the bride's family. Here is what so-and-so is doing now. When and where everyone has moved into their current homes. Updates on nieces, nephews, cousins' parents, grandparents, everyone. No one knew she was going to get up there and talk for 15+ minutes about people nobody cared about. My dad and I actually finished our drinks and ordered two more by the time she was done. I refer to it as 'The 3 Drink Grace.'

Jesterotr

Exposing butts speech.

This was at my cousin's wedding. My cousin and his buddy had a pact if you will, they would be each other's best men. OK, all well and good, only catch is during their toast they had to MOON the RECEPTION at the end of the speech. So back to cousin's wedding: He is giving his speech, yada yada known this guy forever. Then at the very end he is about to pass the mic back. 'Oh wait, almost forgot.' Sets the mic down, turns around stands on a chair, and moons the wedding reception. Bride's family promptly left. I think my cousin forgot all about that because he looked blindsided. Luckily my side of the family found it hilarious.

Adult joke gone wrong.

"This (possibly apocryphal) story was told to me by my friend's wife at the dinner table, as I was very nervously preparing to make a speech at her wedding. I'm not sure how she thought it would help. I was planning to do some edgy enough jokes so, in retrospect, she may have intended it as a warning. Anyway. Some friend of a friend of hers was at a wedding of some people I'll call John and Kate. The best man told a joke:'After John and Kate's first night together, John told Kate he'd make her breakfast in bed. He reappeared minutes later and presented her with a piece of lettuce on a plate. Kate asked 'Why are you giving me lettuce for breakfast?' To which John replied, 'I wanted to see if you ate like a rabbit too!' According to my friend, Kate took this joke very badly, and her family was extremely offended."

The failed marriage speech.

My brother's best friend (been friends since childhood) gave a speech at his wedding that lasted about five minutes. He said nothing about the bride at all, only mentioned that my brother was a 'good guy,' and then proceeded to talk about his failed marriage (his ex-wife was in attendance), his child custody battle, and how much it pained him to see how happy the newlyweds looked since it brought back memories of his own failed marriage. To top it all, he spoke in a really even, unemotional monotone.

alanaldasweater

If they can, anyone can.

At my cousin's wedding, one of the groom's best friends gave a short speech that was honestly quite touching, until he stumbled over his words, and said "Well, if these two can get married, uh, anyone can."

Not everything is about you.

At a friend's wedding the bride's sister gave an excruciatingly awkward speech about how her sister was able to find love before her and she didn't feel complete. It went on for about 5 minutes and she was blubbering and sobbing up a storm. Then she topped it off by singing an off-key song.

notjawn

I'll do better next time.

After stumbling his way through he awkwardly finishes with, 'Sorry man, I'll do better at your next one.' The bride's father pulled him aside and tore him a new one right afterward.

thesarcasmic

Solid embarressment.

At my father's wedding to his new wife, he mistakenly called his bride by his ex-wife's (my mother's) name during his speech to her.

Tollundmanden

We knew she was a keeper.

Groom's father made a speech along the lines of 'we knew she was a keeper when he brought her home and we heard them f**king in the bathroom.' AWK-WARD. Well, everyone pretty much laughed, myself included. The bride on the other hand looked mortified. Like bright red. My table kind of all looked at each other like, this is hysterical, but omg, that's the father of the groom! He was pretty wasted from what I gather.

lizzzellzzz

I'm the best person that ever lived.

The bride made a speech to thank everyone for coming, but it turned out to be a speech about herself and how amazing she is, nothing about her new husband, she ended up explaining how she always licks her plate clean, then she licked her plate clean in front of 250 people. In her defense she was so drunk she could barely stand. Gotta love working weddings.

candlessmellgood

Stripped the groom of dignity.

At my sisters wedding the grooms best man was basically airing out the grooms dirty laundry to everyone.Pro tip: If your speech puts the groom/bride in a negative light, rewrite it. Don't ruin someones happy day.

The uncle who just couldn't hold it in.

At my sisters wedding, my alcoholic uncle went up and said a couple words.Them being: "I'm surprised you managed to have a successful wedding, how did this happen without your mom being the over controlling b***h that she is?"A silence like no other.

socialsmoker

Too soon to say things speech.

My brother was my best man and told a very touching story about when I was 16 and lied and cheated to skip baseball practice to instead hang out with my girlfriend on the bleachers. I met my wife when I was 18. Thanks, bro.

coderascal

How to kill happy mood.

The best man rifled through all the groom's failed past relationships, in some detail. Then he made fun of the bride and groom for meeting on Christian Mingle or some s**t like that.It was pretty brutal. Really killed the mood.

wigg1es

The classic facepalm moment.

The best man's speech consisted of him saying "I hope your ups and downs are in bed."

General_PoopyPants

Sharing secrets with everyone.

When my cousin got married, most of the close family knew that the groom had been caught cheating multiple times in the past, but the majority of the people attending did not. During a small speech discussing the marriage counseling he had done with the couple, the priest went on a long rant about the groom's past infidelity and how he was confident it would not happen again. Given how few people in the church knew about the issues, it became very tense.

proto04

Exposing the bride.

Best man's speech recounted the tale of when the bride urinated in someone else's shoes under a table.

BinsterUK

When the priest shook everyone.

Went to my uncle's wedding a while back. His bride had been divorced and chose her family pastor to officiate. The pastor called my uncle her ex-husband's name during the vows multiple times... My family was not happy.

forthis_

Shocking revelation.

I went to a wedding where neither family was happy about it. The groom's best man was his younger brother. The best man's toast to the bride was, 'We always thought groom would marry XX (points to woman at the back), but here we are, so bride, welcome to the family'......Both the groom and XX were former housemates of mine, and had been in a long relationship. I kinda thought they'd end up together too. Bride and groom moved in with her parents. Groom stopped talking to his friends. XX married someone else, left the country. I haven't heard from either of them even once this century.

heretical_thoughts

In Summary...

Wasn't this absolutely horrifying? I don't know how I would have reacted if I were present at any of these weddings.

I'm glad I wasn't though. These speeches were traumatic in their own horrible way.

Have you experienced a wedding speech gone wrong? How did you react?

Let us know in the comments!