Non-Confrontational Student Seeks Advice Online As His New Roommate Jacks Up The Thermostat, Turning Him Into A Hot Mess

The HVAC system in your house is responsible for maintaining a pleasant temperature. This is accomplished by drawing air from within your house, filtering, cooling, or heating it, and then blowing the air back inside.

Your living area may be 10°F or more warmer or cooler than, say, the bedrooms if there is insufficient return air. In the summer, a lack of return air can make rooms near the central air conditioner cooler and those farther away warmer.

This is similar to how the rooms that are farthest from the furnace may be excessively cold in the winter. The OP lives in a place where summers can reach temperatures of around 95 degrees.

The OP moved into an apartment at the university with his roommate, who was about to make his life hotter. Since the AC in their rooms has no return air, hot air can't be sucked out, and only cold air is pushed in via the vent.

This means that without the AC running low, it can get pretty hot quickly, especially with the bedroom door closed. The OP set the temperature at 68, but the next day, when his other roommate moved in, he set it to 76 degrees.

The OP started sweating in his room since it had probably gotten over 80 degrees. Even when they turned the temperature back down, this roommate would still raise it, and the OP didn't know how to address this issue with him.

The OP ran to the r/Relationships subreddit group to seek advice

Reddit/username1615

OP says the AC at the lowest possible setting or off entirely doesn't cost them any more or less

Reddit/username1615

This roommate has actually shut the AC off entirely at night or just turned it up a little further

Reddit/username1615

The Psychology of Conflict Avoidance

This Redditor's non-confrontational nature points to a common psychological tendency known as conflict avoidance, where individuals prioritize harmony over addressing issues directly.

Research indicates that conflict avoidance can lead to unresolved tensions and resentment, which may ultimately affect mental well-being.

According to Dr. Susan Johnson, an expert in attachment theory, this behavior often stems from early relational experiences where confrontation was discouraged, leading to difficulties in asserting one's needs.

The OP would like to be comfortable in his own room with his door closed without sweating

Reddit/username1615

Let's hear it from other Redditors...

Reddit/username1615

The roommate probably wakes up shivering in the night

Reddit/username1615

Avoiding conflict may provide temporary relief, but over time, it can lead to significant psychological stress. Studies published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology highlight that individuals who avoid conflict often experience higher levels of anxiety and lower overall life satisfaction.

Understanding these patterns can help the Redditor recognize the importance of addressing issues with his roommate to prevent further discomfort and stress.

"It’s hot and uncomfortable. It needs to stay at xx degrees in order for us to be comfortable"

Reddit/username1615

The OP revealed somewhere in the comments saying:

Well, again, the temperature in my room is at least 5 degrees higher, and I’m sensitive to heat since I grew up in the cold.Most of the time it’s at 76, and my room is probably close to 80. 70 is comfortable for me; 72 is good. With it at 68, my room is around 73.

What else does the OP expect?

Reddit/username1615

He can get a plug-in heater for himself

Reddit/username1615

Strategies for Addressing Roommate Conflicts

One practical solution for the Redditor could be to approach the topic of the thermostat with empathy and openness.

Research suggests that using 'I' statements, such as 'I feel uncomfortable when the thermostat is set so high,' can help frame the conversation in a non-confrontational way.

By expressing his feelings rather than placing blame, he can create a more constructive dialogue that encourages cooperation.

This Redditor seems to understand a lot of things

Reddit/username1615

We are non-confrontational for a reason

Reddit/username1615

Explaining the unbearable part

Reddit/username1615

Additionally, proposing a compromise—like setting the thermostat to a mutually agreeable temperature—could help alleviate tension.

According to conflict resolution studies, collaborative problem-solving can lead to more satisfying outcomes for all parties involved.

This approach not only addresses the immediate issue but also fosters a sense of teamwork in the roommate relationship.

Civility is good, but when feelings are involved, it is much more difficult to talk about these things, and some individuals take advantage of it. No matter how much clothing this roommate puts on, the OP still isn't entitled to unilaterally set the thermostat any more than the roommate is.

Some Redditors say he should just tell him to stop doing it since it is miserable for everyone else, and you can drop your comments below.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the common struggle with conflict avoidance in interpersonal relationships.

It's essential for individuals to recognize the importance of addressing issues directly to promote healthier dynamics and overall well-being.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, addressing roommate conflicts requires a balance of assertiveness and empathy.

As noted by Dr. John Gottman, relationship researcher, "The key to successful relationships is not just communication, but understanding and empathy." Fostering healthy communication is vital for maintaining positive relationships.

By addressing issues openly and collaboratively, the Redditor can create a more comfortable living environment for both himself and his roommate.