Is It Fair to Ask My Brother-in-Law to Support Our Mother-in-Law Equally?

"AITA for questioning unequal support to MIL? Partner's brother doesn't contribute, causing tension and aggression in the relationship."

Damjan

Published in Interesting
25 Dec 2025

Is It Fair to Ask My Brother-in-Law to Support Our Mother-in-Law Equally?

Some families keep score in a spreadsheet, others do it in the form of monthly money transfers. This one started with a simple routine: the husband, after losing his father, sends money every month to his mother back in Bangladesh. Sounds straightforward, until his older brother, who is also in the same country, has never paid a penny for years.

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Now OP and her partner are living in Australia, and the argument is not just about the money. It’s about fairness, timing, and excuses that keep getting thicker. The husband claims his brother is always “in a different life stage,” casual job, then married, then a wife with a job, then a baby, and meanwhile OP is far away so she should cover her mom instead. Every time OP brings it up, the husband snaps, gets aggressive, and calls her an a*****e.

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The real question is whether the monthly support is a temporary obligation, or a forever setup that OP is being pressured to accept.

Original Post

AITA: me and my partner live in Australia, we are both from Bangladesh. since he lost his father, he monthly sends money to his mother.

he has an elder brother back at home country, who never paid a penny since we started giving 9 years ago. I have been telling my partner about this and how I think it's not fair.

but my partner keeps giving excuses such as: he (the brother)didn't have a job, he just got a job, he is still casual employee, he just got married, his wife just got a job, he just had a baby, I live far away so I can't be with my mom all the time - hence I should pay and he shouldn't as he is close by. No matter what, I just don't feel this is right.

and whenever I raise this topic, my partner will get aggressive, agitated, abusive and accuse me of being an a*****e. edit: this one way payment arrangement has been going on for more than 8 years.