Is it fair for a thirteen-year-old to do these chores alone? AITA for snapping at my dad?

One minute you’re thirteen, making your own lunch and vacuuming like it’s no big deal, and the next minute your dad is asking you to make his bed too. And when you hesitate, he hits you with the “I do everything” speech, complete with the dinner, the clothes, and the rides to school.

This story gets messy fast because OP isn’t just doing a couple chores. They’re talking kitchen cleanups after dinner, washing in and out, emptying the dishwasher on top of everything else, and Saturdays that apparently belong to dad’s expectations. To make it even worse, OP says their mom and they do most of the work, while dad cooks dinner and walks the dog, then acts like he’s carrying the whole household.

Here’s the full story of when OP finally snapped, and whether they were actually the problem.

Original Post

I've usually done s**t alone; my parents both have jobs that require a lot of their time, and I typically only see them after school from 5pm to 9pm. My siblings are older and have moved out, so there's that.

I started with basic chores at four or five, like cleaning the table and helping unload the dishes, which I don't think are that bad. But from about six I made my lunch, cleaned the table, vacuumed the house, and hung out the washing, all without the help of my parents.

Then at seven, I'd clean the entire kitchen after dinner, not just the table, like everything, and my parents would yell at me if I didn't do it properly or just "half-assed it", on top of the stuff from six. During covid, I moved out of my childhood house with my dad to renovate a new house they bought.

Since dad was doing the house, I basically took up most of the household chores, except for making dinner. Then we moved back, and dad carried those values into the new house, which was way more work because it was easier.

From then to now, they've basically expected me to clean up after dinner, take the washing in and out, clean the most Saturdays, and empty the dishwasher, and now my dad's asking me to make his bed? I think that they're relatively abnormal for a thirteen-year-old to do by themselves.

For the past few months, there's been some pushback specifically from me on doing these. When I don't do it, my dad basically guilt trips me and says, "I make you dinner, I buy you clothes, I drove you to school last Thursday, you're being so ungrateful, nobody helps me in this house, I do everything," which I think is unfair because from the moment he decided to keep me, that was his obligation, so why the f**k is it all my responsibility to do all that s**t.

Me and my mum do most of it; all he does is cook dinner and take the dog for a walk, then he craps on about how he does everything. Whenever I argue with him about not wanting to do something that he could've so easily done himself, he says, "Way to get out of it," and doesn't talk to me for days.

Lately these are the only times I've talked to him, and then he says I don't spend enough time with him, but it's hard to want to talk to him when the only time he talks to me is to ask me to do something. I can understand how he feels frustrated.

But I haven't had the motivation to do everything he asks because of how long and how much I've been doing. My dad went to a boarding school, and my mum grew up on a farm so I don't know if this is just a hellspawn of parental values or I'm just being a c**t.

The article raises important questions about the fairness of placing significant responsibilities on a thirteen-year-old.

Comment from u/Elandra1020

Comment from u/hello_reddit1234

When OP says they were cleaning the entire kitchen after dinner since seven, it’s hard to ignore how quickly this turned into a full-on daily workload.

The scenario presented raises important questions about the expectations placed on adolescents as they navigate their journey toward independence. At thirteen, the protagonist finds themselves overwhelmed by chores that seem disproportionate to their age and capabilities. This situation highlights a critical developmental stage where young individuals are naturally inclined to test boundaries and assert their autonomy.

Conflict with parents is not uncommon during this period. The emotional outburst directed at the father may stem from a sense of injustice regarding the burdens placed upon the young teen. It is crucial for families to engage in open dialogues rather than resort to confrontation. Such discussions could pave the way for a more balanced distribution of responsibilities, fostering a healthier and more understanding family dynamic.

Comment from u/purrincesskittens

Comment from u/Untouchablering2343

Assigning age-appropriate chores is vital for fostering independence without overwhelming children.

Comment from u/donut_koharski

Comment from u/faddymeat

After the COVID move and the new house renovation, dad’s “values” apparently expanded from chores to basically everything OP does now.

The article highlights a crucial aspect of family dynamics: effective communication during conflicts.

Comment from u/WhereWeretheAdults

Comment from u/Direct-Presence9693

In the context of the article, emotional validation emerges as a crucial factor in navigating the complex relationship between a thirteen-year-old and their father regarding household chores. The young protagonist's confrontation stems from feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities that seem disproportionate for their age. Acknowledging this emotional struggle could significantly shift the household dynamic, fostering a more supportive atmosphere.

If the father were to listen and validate his child's concerns about the burden of chores, it would not only alleviate some of the pressure but also encourage open communication. Creating a space where feelings are respected can strengthen the parent-child bond and promote emotional growth, allowing the child to navigate their feelings without the fear of being dismissed. Such an approach could transform what is currently a source of conflict into an opportunity for mutual understanding and respect.

This is similar to the stepfather who gambled away the family savings, vanished, then returned worse.

Comment from u/ClipClipClip99

Comment from u/honkbonk5000

The moment dad starts guilt-tripping with “I make you dinner, I buy you clothes, I drove you to school,” the argument stops being about beds and dishes.

In analyzing the situation presented, it becomes evident that implementing a structured chore system could greatly benefit the household dynamics. The young individual feels overwhelmed by the expectations placed upon them, which may be alleviated through clearly defined responsibilities. The use of chore charts or schedules could help this thirteen-year-old manage their tasks more effectively, promoting a sense of autonomy that is crucial at this developmental stage.

Comment from u/Spare_Ad5009

Comment from u/NoType83

The expectations placed on young individuals, particularly in the context of household responsibilities, can profoundly shape their self-image and emotional well-being. In this case, the thirteen-year-old protagonist grapples with a mounting list of chores that many would argue are disproportionate for their age. This situation highlights the delicate balance parents must strike between instilling a sense of responsibility and overwhelming their children.

Moreover, the concept of viewing challenges as opportunities for growth is crucial in this scenario. If parents were to adjust their expectations and prioritize teaching their children how to navigate these tasks effectively, rather than simply expecting them to complete them, it could lead to a healthier relationship with responsibility. Encouraging effort and providing support can empower young individuals, helping them build resilience rather than fostering feelings of inadequacy.

Comment from u/Casual_Lore

Comment from u/AutoModerator

And once OP points out that mom and OP do most of it while dad mostly cooks and walks the dog, the dinner-table tension spills over.

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

Comment from u/myssi24

Comment from u/FeelinQMiteDeleteL8r

The situation presented raises critical questions about the expectations placed on young individuals, particularly in the context of household chores. The burden felt by the thirteen-year-old highlights a significant imbalance in responsibilities that can lead to feelings of overwhelm and frustration. Effective communication between parents and children is essential in addressing these feelings, ensuring that children feel heard and validated in their experiences.

Moreover, it is crucial to consider the appropriateness of the chores assigned to a child of this age. By adopting a structured approach to chores, parents can provide age-appropriate tasks that not only teach responsibility but also promote a sense of achievement. This balance is vital for nurturing a positive family dynamic where both the expectations of parents and the emotional needs of children are respected and met.

Comment from u/PangolinFare

Comment from u/SaraAB87

Now dad has to decide if OP’s attitude is “ungrateful,” or if he finally pushed it too far.

For another inheritance-related family power play, see the man who bought a house with his grieving wife’s inheritance.