Is It Okay to Expect a Friend to Hide Their Hickies After a Night Out with Your Crush?

A 27-year-old woman thought she was just going out with friends, until the night turned into a front-row seat for jealousy. She watched her crush, Alex, and her longtime friend Sarah get “cozy,” and the next day the evidence was impossible to ignore.

The kicker, though, was the hickies. Sarah, who is usually shy about her love life, showed them off like trophies, right after OP had already started feeling weird about Alex being involved. OP texted Sarah to say it made her uncomfortable, basically asking for a little discretion because Alex is the guy she’s into.

Now the group chat is split, and OP is wondering if she overstepped, or if Sarah is being deliberately messy with someone else’s feelings.

Original Post

I (27F) have been friends with Sarah (28F) for years. We recently went out with our friend group, including my crush Alex (29M).

The night was going well until I noticed Sarah and Alex getting cozy. The next day, Sarah, usually shy about her love life, flaunted her hickies proudly.

It made me uncomfortable seeing marks from someone I have feelings for. I texted her about it, expressing my feelings.

Sarah responded defensively, saying it was her right to show them and I shouldn't overreact. I feel betrayed and hurt that she's making her hookups with my crush so evident.

Am I overreacting, or is Sarah being insensitive to my feelings, especially after knowing how I feel about Alex?

The Complicated Nature of Crushes

This situation really highlights the messy dynamics of friendships and crushes. The original poster (OP) was clearly invested in Alex, and seeing her friend Sarah cozying up to him must've felt like a betrayal. It's one thing to date someone else's crush; it's another to flaunt it with visible hickies. The physical reminder of Sarah’s actions adds a layer of discomfort that many readers can relate to.

Crushes often come with a sense of ownership, even if they haven't been verbalized. This unspoken rule can lead to confusion and hurt feelings, especially when friendships are involved. The Reddit community's divided response reflects how personal these boundaries can be, with some siding with the OP for wanting respect, while others argue that Sarah’s actions were within her rights.

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Sarah and Alex got cozy at the friend-group outing, and OP woke up to hickies she could not pretend not to see.

The debate around loyalty in this situation is fascinating. On one hand, the OP feels justified in wanting Sarah to tone down her display of affection for Alex, which she sees as disrespectful. On the other hand, Sarah may view her actions as harmless fun, asserting her independence. This contradiction raises important questions about the expectations we place on friends when it comes to romantic interests.

Friendships thrive on mutual respect, but they can also become a minefield when romantic feelings are involved. The OP's discomfort with Sarah's hickies suggests a deeper issue of trust and loyalty, and the Reddit community's mixed reactions show how subjective these feelings can be. It’s a classic case of navigating the gray areas of friendship and romance.

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OP tried to handle it with a text, but Sarah came back defensive, saying she has every right to flaunt what happened.

It also echoes the AITA where someone confronted a demanding friend about her high relationship standards.

Why This Story Sparked Debate

The Reddit thread became a battleground for differing opinions on what constitutes acceptable behavior among friends. Some commenters defended Sarah, arguing that she didn't owe the OP anything regarding her romantic pursuits, while others sided with the OP, emphasizing the need for consideration in friendships. This variety of perspectives illustrates how personal and nuanced these situations can get.

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The real tension lands in that “hookup reminder” part, because OP isn’t just upset, she feels betrayed by the timing and visibility.

Unspoken Rules in Friendships

What's particularly intriguing here are the unspoken rules that often govern friendships. The OP's expectation for Sarah to hide her hickies suggests a belief that friends should prioritize each other's feelings, especially in romantic contexts. But Sarah's actions indicate a different viewpoint—one where she feels free to explore her own romantic interests without worrying about the OP's feelings.

These unspoken rules can lead to misunderstandings, as they vary from person to person. The Reddit discussion reflects this complexity, with many users weighing in on where the line should be drawn between friendship loyalty and personal freedom. It's telling how a single situation can bring out such a spectrum of opinions, revealing the deeply personal nature of relationships.

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Meanwhile, the comments keep circling the same fight, with some people siding with OP’s boundaries and others defending Sarah’s independence after the night out.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

What It Comes Down To

This story sheds light on the intricate dance of friendship and romance, showing just how easily lines can be blurred. The OP's feelings of betrayal resonate with many who have faced similar situations, while Sarah’s carefree attitude challenges traditional notions of loyalty. It raises the question: where do we draw the line between supporting our friends and respecting our own desires? How do you navigate these gray areas in your relationships?

OP might not be asking for much, but she is staring down the fact that Sarah does not plan to hide anything.

Want honesty to land better? Read how one AITA friend handled a rude partner after a disastrous double date.