Is It Wrong to Ask My Fiance to Repay Small Loans? | AITA

AITA for expecting my fiancée to repay me small loans when she doesn't work much? Financial strain builds, and I question our future together.

Sophia

Published in Interesting
1 Aug 2025

Is It Wrong to Ask My Fiance to Repay Small Loans? | AITA

It started with “small” payments, gas money, lunch money, and random little expenses that kept popping up like clockwork. But for one 28-year-old man, those $20, $30, and $40 requests added up fast, especially because he says he was already promised repayment for bigger emergencies like medical bills, vet crises, and car costs. She works sporadically, sometimes only 1 to 4 days a week, and when he brings up the 40-hour expectation, she gets upset and claims she has no real excuses to be working less, even though the schedule still swings wildly.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

Here’s the part that makes it messy: he’s wondering if asking for money back makes him the bad guy, or if he’s finally drawing a line before everything turns into a lifetime of unpaid favors.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

Original Post

I know that my (28m) fiance (27f) and I will pretty much have combined finances especially once we are married and that what is done monetarily for one another should be for the good of us as a whole, but not sure if I’m crossing the line lately. My fiance does not have a full time job and hasn’t held one the entirety (2 years) that I’ve known her.

It’s been part time jobs for her ranging anywhere from 1-4 days of work a week. Her work and her hours are very sporadic and she definitely does not put in close to the 40 hours I do at my full time job.

Now I’ve helped her with major expenses before such as medical, vet emergencies, car costs, etc that she could not afford and I was told I would be getting that money back, but never did. Lately she has me sending her $20, $30, $40 here or there what seems like almost every few days to help her cover some random expense like gas, food because she didn’t pack a lunch at work and wants to buy something, clothing she needs, etc.

I’ve told her she needs to start paying me back on this stuff, but it feels wrong asking my fiance for $20 from xyz day she owes me from. However I have serious financial goals and want to invest my money into things that will help better our lives.

Looking at how much money over the course of a year I will have given her ends up in the thousands by the time the year is over. I’ve told her she needs to put in more hours, search for better jobs, etc, but she reverts to working a few days a week.

Sometimes due to the nature of her jobs she will make a ton of money in a few hours and then come home, chill, and not work the rest of the week, until she feels like going to work again. She gets pretty upset when I tell her she has no excuses to not put in 40 hours a week just like I do and the vast majority of the US.

We don’t have kids at the moment. I’ve been on the fence about actually following through marrying her if these type of financial stresses keep coming up.

It’s showing me she could potentially start asking for even greater amounts of money in the future and not being able to support herself when I need her to. Sometimes she willingly pays me back without me having to ask, which is rare, but often times I will have to bring it up again and again just to get some cash back from her.

AITA? Tldr; My (28m) fiance (27f) has been short on cash lately and been asking for money, which I don’t end up receiving back the majority of the time.

She becomes upset that I’m asking for $20, $30, $40 back here or there from her and says it stresses her mentally. AITA?

Financial strain can have profound effects on relationships, often leading to significant emotional turmoil.

Comment from u/lihzee

[ADVERTISEMENT]

Comment from u/aemondstareye

[ADVERTISEMENT]

That’s when he remembers the earlier promises too, because he says he helped with medical, vet emergencies, and car costs that she supposedly would repay, but never did.

It's not uncommon for partners to have conflicting views on financial responsibilities.

Comment from u/Pipsnsqueek

Comment from u/ThrowItAway4Evaa

Effective communication is essential in navigating financial issues within relationships. Research conducted by Papp, Cummings, and Goeke-Morey (2009) highlights the importance of constructive communication; it not only resolves conflicts but also significantly strengthens the bond between partners. Engaging in open dialogue involves actively listening to each other and expressing your concerns without resorting to accusations or blame, which can often escalate tensions.

To foster this environment, consider scheduling regular financial check-ins where both partners can openly discuss their needs, feelings, and expectations regarding money. These check-ins can create a safe space for dialogue, encouraging transparency and understanding. By making time for these discussions, you can align your financial goals and work together to address any concerns, ultimately leading to a more harmonious relationship and a shared vision for your financial future.

Comment from u/ocnozix

Comment from u/ElceeBDHC1277

Then the “small” requests start landing constantly, with him sending cash for gas, food because she didn’t pack lunch, clothing, and other random stuff every few days.

(2013), establishing these boundaries helps prevent misunderstandings and fosters trust between partners. When both individuals are on the same page regarding their financial situation, it reduces the likelihood of conflict over money matters. You might want to outline the specifics of lending, such as amounts and repayment timelines, to clarify expectations and ensure that both parties feel secure in their agreements.

Moreover, having open discussions about finances can help identify each partner's financial goals and priorities, leading to a more balanced partnership. Establishing these boundaries can lead to a more balanced partnership and alleviate financial stress for both of you, ultimately strengthening the relationship and enhancing mutual respect.

Comment from u/Lucky_Volume3819

Comment from u/WolfGoddess77

Work ethic and financial responsibility are often intertwined, creating a significant impact on personal relationships.

It’s a lot like the neighbor who returned tools damaged, then asked again.

Comment from u/Euphoric_Travel2541

Comment from u/Majestic_Republic_45

After he pushes for repayment and more consistent work hours, she fires back that he’s being unfair, even though she sometimes makes a bunch in a few hours and then chills the rest of the week.

It's important to recognize that expectations about financial contributions can vary significantly based on cultural and personal beliefs.

Comment from u/bmw5986

Comment from u/NaturesVividPictures

To prevent future financial misunderstandings, consider implementing a structured approach that fosters open communication. Immediate steps include having a candid conversation about your financial expectations today, ensuring that both partners are on the same page. This dialogue is crucial for establishing trust and transparency, which are foundational for a healthy financial relationship.

In the short term, aim to create a shared budget over the next 1-2 weeks that outlines contributions and expenses. Long-term, it’s beneficial to revisit this budget every few months to adjust it based on changes in your circumstances or feelings. Regular check-ins can help both partners feel secure and valued, significantly reducing the possibility of conflict over financial matters and promoting a sense of teamwork in achieving shared financial goals.

Comment from u/Striking_Balance7667

Comment from u/CattleConnect5294

And with his financial goals growing bigger, he’s stuck weighing whether he should actually marry her while these repayment fights keep coming back around.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.