Is It Wrong to Avoid Dad After Therapy? | AITA for Keeping Distance?

Some families treat “being better” like it instantly erases the past, but that is not how it feels when you lived through the temper years. In this post, a 19-year-old college kid is stuck between his dad’s new calmer energy and the old version of him that made every hangout feel like a trap.

Before his dad started working on his anger, the relationship was tense, and OP learned to avoid him to prevent arguments. Now his dad is inviting him to movies, chats, and “let’s catch up” time, and OP can tell he is trying to make amends, but it still feels tedious and guilt-inducing.

OP is basically asking if keeping distance after all that is wrong, even when Dad is genuinely trying now.

Original Post

I (19M) recently started college. My dad has always been a bit overbearing, trying really hard to connect with me even before he went to therapy to manage his temper.

He's calmed down a lot, but he's honestly kind of boring now. He's always inviting me to hang out, watch movies, or just chat, but to be honest, I find it a bit tedious.

I usually decline politely, citing schoolwork or other commitments. For background, before therapy, he had anger issues, and I used to avoid him to prevent arguments.

But now, it feels like he's trying so hard to make up for the past, and I feel guilty for distancing myself. Am I wrong for avoiding him, even though he's making an effort now?

He's much better, but I still can't shake off the past. So, AITA?

The Complexity of Parent-Child Relationships

Parent-child relationships are often filled with complexity, especially when past negative behaviors exist.

Comment from u/GuitarNinja247

Comment from u/PizzaUnicorn22

OP’s dad has gone from temper-fueled blowups to constant “come hang out” offers, and OP keeps politely declining while schoolwork becomes the go-to excuse.

Setting emotional boundaries is not only acceptable but also essential for maintaining mental health and overall well-being.

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Comment from u/CoffeeAddict99

The awkward part is that the dad’s effort is real, but the OP’s brain still remembers the arguments he used to dodge.

This echoes the AITA storm debate, where a roommate refused to be left alone.

Therapy can significantly improve relationships, but it's crucial to remember that progress takes time and patience.

Comment from u/StarlightDreamer

Comment from u/SneakerHead2022

Every time Dad invites movies or another chat, OP feels stuck reliving the old dynamic, just with better behavior this time.

To foster a healthier relationship with your father while maintaining your boundaries, consider adopting a structured approach that prioritizes open communication. Start by identifying your feelings immediately—take some time to write them down, as this can help clarify your thoughts and emotions surrounding the relationship.

In the short term, perhaps over the next 1-2 weeks, initiate small, low-pressure interactions. These could be as simple as sending a text message or making a brief phone call to gauge comfort levels without overwhelming either party. Over the longer term, spanning 1-3 months, aim for deeper conversations. Gradually address your concerns in a safe and supportive environment, which may be enhanced by the guidance of a therapist to facilitate these discussions.

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Now the guilt kicks in, because Dad is trying to make up for the past, and OP is wondering if avoidance is still an AH move.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Comment from u/MidnightSnacker

Comment from u/BudgetTraveler22

In this scenario, maintaining distance from a father attempting to reconnect after therapy is not inherently 'wrong.' The son must consider his emotional well-being and the importance of establishing healthy boundaries, particularly if their past relationship has been fraught with tension or trauma. The article highlights the father's struggle to manage his temper, indicating that while he is trying to change, the son may still feel overwhelmed by these attempts. It is vital to recognize that both personal healing and relational dynamics evolve slowly, requiring patience and understanding from both parties. Additionally, seeking professional guidance can provide crucial support as they navigate this complicated emotional landscape.

He might be happier dodging the movie nights until the guilt stops feeling like repayment for something he never broke.

For a totally different “gone without warning” twist, check out 39 landmarks that time erased, even as cities evolved.